You’re right on time

How often do you feel like you’re falling behind in this game of life?

Because this is exactly what we are going to break down in today’s episode of How To Twenty-Something

I hear young professionals say all too often that they are not where they’re supposed to be

To which I respond or even think to myself, says who?

Says your mom? Says your best friend? Or is it something you are saying to yourself because you’re the one that created this convoluted timeline and aren’t reaching the expectations you made up for yourself

And that’s all it is, it’s something you made up

Or maybe it’s because everyone in your immediate environment and what you see on social media highlights this right timeline that you have yet to be on time for

Yes society, family, friends, and social media have instilled the way we’re quote un quote supposed to adult and in what order, but the truth is we are all on drastically different timelines that are perfect for ourselves and our unique lives

So hopefully by the end of today’s episode you’ll begin to release the pressure you’ve put on yourself to be at a certain stage in your life by the time you are whatever age

I’m sure you’ve heard many people say that comparison is the thief of joy or another common saying is compare and despair where you’re essentially stripping yourself of being happy with the milestones you have reached and the life you have created up until this point because you’re comparing it to someone else who appears to be doing life more correct

You are literally taking a toll on your own mental health and enjoyment by comparing your very different journey and life situation to someone else’s

If you change your perspective to the thought that you are the only person who has ever and will ever experience life in the way that you are, based on the decisions you have made and will make, then you will grow to appreciate your journey and what is yet to come, rather than tear yourself down because it’s different

And different isn’t such a bad thing

And if you’re comparing your life to someone you see on social media and you don’t actually talk to them about each of your hardships then I need you to take a step back and realize that you are watching someone’s highlight reel

Hardly ever is someone going to post about how miserable they are or when their last mental breakdown was or what they talk to their therapist about

No, you’re going to see the trips they’re going on, the good part of the relationship they are in, the milestones they are hitting, the promotions they are getting, the ring being placed on their finger, the baby shoes being announced, the houses being bought, and so on and so forth

But not how they are going in debt to take the trip to Europe or the fights that happen with their partner, the doubts they have in the longevity and future of their relationships, how their boss chewed them out for missing a deadline, the fourth miscarriage that’s taking a toll on their marriage, and any of the crap stuff that doesn’t feel good in life

These people are talking to their inner circle about their hardships, but certainly are not announcing it on social media for their high school classmates to see

When you compare yourself to someone else, when you don’t see the full story; you are unintentionally setting yourself up for a lot of mental distress and feelings of falling behind

I remember a few years ago when I was experiencing some hardships in my long distance relationship it seemed like none of my friends who were also doing long distance were encountering their own forms of distress

I would privately ask them if everything is as glamorous as it appears to be on social media, to which all of them would respond with “no” this is tough, there’s a lot of fights, there’s a lot of doubt in our future and next steps

And that made me feel a bit better that I wasn’t alone, but was letting social media make me think otherwise

I think this predicament of being behind really applies to those of you who are approaching thirty – and I know this because multiple people and clients have been in their late 20s and turning thirty this year or next year, so it’s commonly talked about

That the age thirty, the big 3-0, signifies some kind of deadline where you’re supposed to be able to check off a lot of major adulting boxes and if you don’t, then you are behind, you are doing something wrong with your life

Where the reality is, we were raised to believe that life goes in a specific order at a specific time because our parents were experiencing this type of life at our age – it was much simpler back then, or it at least appeared to be

They were probably married already and having a kid or two, owning a house, and steady in their career and in today’s world, in 2023, that is not the case for a majority of us, myself included

We are approaching milestones later in life than the generations before us and it can bring about these feelings of falling behind, or doing life wrong

And let’s get one thing straight, you are not doing life wrong – if you’re not some wanted criminal being chased by the police or FBI, then I would say you’re doing a great job

And if you are some wanted criminal, let’s just keep that information to ourselves and pretend you’re the former for right now

But seriously, if you take a step back you can see that you are trying to figure life out in a time where we are in a recession, we experienced a global pandemic where life was essentially put on pause for at least a year, for some of you it was two years, and for others you might still feel like life is paused, where it’s nearly impossible to buy a house, and how your salary has not risen with inflation

The odds are stacked against us and it’s an unfortunate reality with a bleak future as climate change shouts impending doom every few days, your grocery bill is higher than ever, and you can’t afford to live alone since cost of living is through the roof where you don’t have a comparable wage to live a comfortable lifestyle

Now, I could make a whole episode about how shitty this world is, but that is not the point of this podcast, the point of me speaking to you is to remind you that life is hard, but there is always something you can do that is within your control to improve your own circumstances

And that’s the key part of it all, focusing on what’s in your control

You can’t control the severe weather changes or inflation, but you can control your spending habits, the way you are showing up for yourself and your mental health, the thoughts and beliefs you have about life, and so many other things

Life itself isn’t supposed to be the most challenging thing, yes there are hardships that come with the adulting world, but there are resources to help you overcome those obstacles, like hiring me as your life coach or working with a therapist, or both

Today we are going to focus on your own thoughts and beliefs in regards to not fitting the one timeline you believe to be the right way of adulting

This is a lesson I learned pretty quickly after graduating college, because up until that point, I was following the timeline that was presented and accepted and then it came up again during the pandemic and yes pretty much every story I will tell you will probably include some aspect of 2020

You see, I was very hard on myself at first when I could not land a job after graduating college as all of my friends knew where they were going and when before they even received their diploma and most of my family also had the same experience

So I felt like the odd man out

Similarly, when I lost my job in 2020 and none of my friends and again most of my cousins and sister didn’t, I felt like I was doing something wrong

That life wasn’t supposed to be like this

My five year plan was all messed up – When my senior year of college started I thought I could plan out my next 5 years which consisted of moving to Atlanta after graduation, working there for a few years and then moving to North Carolina to continue my interior design career

The plan ended when no one in Atlanta hired me and my only job offer came from Celebration, Florida

For some reason, I thought I could predict the future, but silly me as I’m not a psychic and I’m here to tell you, that neither are you

You can’t predict what you don’t know

You can plan for possible scenarios or for things you’re working towards, but being set on an outcome with a lot of miscellaneous variables is the key to setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment

Trying to plan out the timeline of your life is a one way ticket to the world of disappointment

As I started getting older, as in towards the end of high school up until now, I would frequently get asked my five year plan

The answers they would be looking for would include some variation of where I would be living, if I think I would be married or engaged, and what career I would be doing

I think we need to forget the five year plan and focus on the next year of our life

You can plan out a majority of what the next 365 days will look like, where you’ll be, what job you’ll be doing, and who you’ll be with

You know if you sign or renew an apartment lease that you probably aren’t going anywhere for the next year, you can also set goals in regards to your career, health, and social life and I’ll making a goal setting episode in the very near future

And you pretty much know you won’t be married within the next year if you aren’t dating anyone right now – I’m speaking to the majority

Becuase even then, you don’t fully know how the next year of your life will play out, you can’t control the outcomes of what actually happens but you can create aspirations to work towards and let the rest fall into place

Hopefully I’m not overstepping by speaking for almost everyone listening, but most of us grew up believing that you go to college after high school, get a job, begin working in a city, meet your future spouse in the real world, date for 2-3 years, where during this time you move in together and buy a house, get married by 27 or 28 and start having kids by 29 or 30

Because that’s the life our parents had

However, just because that is the life of some people today, does not mean this is the only way or only timeline that exists

It’s what we were taught, so it’s what we know, and it’s what we use to measure the success in our life

So now it’s a matter of flipping the script in your mind and understanding that you are right on time

Where you are in your life right now is exactly where you’re supposed to be

If that’s single and self-employed that’s correct

If that’s married and with 2 kids, living in a house, that’s correct

If that’s engaged, working a 9-5, and partying on the weekends, that’s correct

If that’s in a relationship with a dog and an apartment, you guessed it, that’s correct

If that’s living with your parents working at an ice cream shop, that’s correct too

You see, there are so many different routes you can take in life, we can’t control the cards we were dealt, but we can control how we play the game

I didn’t make up any of these examples, they are all the lives of people I know, and maybe you relate to one of those examples or you at least start to see that the generic timeline we believed to be ‘correct’ doesn’t apply anymore

I know it’s tough when you do see people around you living out the original timeline and you get down on yourself and think “but what about me? Why can’t I have that life too”

And the answer is pretty simple, it’s because that isn’t the life you’re supposed to be living – there’s a different order and circumstances happening in your life for a reason and you have to believe that whatever that reason is, it has your best interest at heart

Life wants you to be able to follow the path of least resistance so even if things are tough in your life right now, just know it’s to lead you to something even better

Something I like to do with my clients, if they are going through a bit of a rough patch, is to have them think back to a previous hardship they overcame in their life and create the timeline of all of the good things that happened as a result that probably wouldn’t have been possible without that one shitty thing, then you can start to create the belief that everything does work out for you

And if it’s not working out yet, then it’s simply not the end of this particular chapter

Losing my job was one of the worst things to happen to me in my adulting life, especially since I had just barely felt like I had my foot on the ground and knew what I was doing, I felt like life kept ripping the rug out from under me and would laugh at me as I fell down over and over again

But losing my job opened up my mind to understanding my identity outside of my interior design career and it cleared my schedule to be able to pursue interests outside of my degree and learn who I was independent of my career

It lead me down this amazing path towards my passion and it’s something I may have been able to find much later in life, but I am so glad that it happened when it did

It was horrible to live through and experience, but at the end of the day, I’m grateful that it happened because it lead me to being a voice to all of you

I couldn’t control the pandemic or losing my job or even when I would get that job back, but I could control how I was showing up for myself in my life each day that I had no job

I don’t know anyone else who experienced the same path as me from 2020 up until now, and that’s the point I’m getting at

My journey is what makes me ME and there’s so much power in that thought

So it’s time for you to embrace the journey you are one, as it’s YOUR journey

It’s important to find comfort in your unique path and accept where you are right now and what you have to look forward to!

Screw societies timeline and milestones that we are supposed to hit at a certain age as it’s only leading you to put more pressure on yourself, giving you more anxiety, stress, and unhappiness

Life is one big ass journey, which sounds so cliche, I know, but stop racing to get to the finish line that doesn’t exist

Love where you’re at right now, in this present moment

Love all that has brought you to where you are now

And love all that you have to look forward to

But remember, whatever direction your life takes you, you are right on time

I know it can be hard when everyone around you is getting engaged, buying a house, or having a baby, where you’re living with roommates, single, and living paycheck to paycheck

But you’ll get there when the time is right, not being there right now doesn’t mean you’re broken, it just means it’s further along in your timeline than you would like

So what can you do about the parts you don’t like in your life to begin making improvements and to begin heading in the direction of the timeline you imagined for yourself.

How can you work to appreciate where you’re at right now and all that you have right now, rather than what’s missing or what you haven’t been able to achieve yet?

Well, you don’t actually have to answer the second question because I’m going to give you some helpful practices and reminders for when your brain does start to feel behind and compare yourself to everyone around you

It begins with practicing mindfulness and embracing the present moment

This world is so fast paced, and honestly things like Amazon and streaming services are great with its timeliness and immediacy, but it has encouraged this lost touch of delayed gratification and patience 

We’re constantly wanting our results and our goals right now, we want the promotion, the money, the weight loss, the forever relationship; whatever it may be we always are yearning for that next milestone

That we forget to press pause and be in this moment

Or if you’re in autopilot mode you also lose touch with right now and are just going through the motions of life

Being mindful in regards to this topic of accepting you are right on time looks something like observing the feelings that are coming up when you do feel like you’re falling behind

This is where journaling could be helpful for you to process why you feel behind and what you can do about it

It would be writing down affirmations or saying them outloud that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be

Work to improve your relationship with yourself and develop a greater sense of self-awareness, compassion, and appreciation for the milestones you have reached, the challenges you have overcome, the parts of your story that have built the person standing here today

Focus on the abundance you do have, create your own highlight reel of your life – not for the purpose of posting on social media for the purpose of celebrating yourself and be proud of the life you have created thus far

And then set goals for yourself to work towards some new milestones

Make sure they’re realistic and then see what you can do each day to get 1% closer to where you want to go; not where you think you should be

And as you do take each step towards your goals celebrate the little victories along the way

We constantly forget to acknowledge the little wins as we think it’s irrelevant until we reach the big win we’re after

But it’s how I start every client session, celebrating the wins from the week no matter how small they think it may be

Because without those smaller wins you aren’t getting yourself closer to the big ones

It’s the smaller ones that create the momentum for you to keep going, even when it feels like the big goal is so far out of reach

And finally, as you do all of those things of being present, practicing gratitude, and setting goals, let go of the feeling of needing to be perfect

Your perfectionism, like your comparing, will strip you of your enjoyment in this present moment and only lead to more stress and self-doubt; which is not the direction we want to go

I mentioned this in another episode that your perception of failure is really an opportunity to learn and grow and evolve

Developing more patience with yourself and learning to nurture and show compassion to yourself promotes personal growth and development and that’s the attitude and behavior we want to encourage

But it starts with acknowledging that you are right on time

You are exactly where you’re supposed to be

Which probably sounds so repetitive at this point in this episode, but I have to keep reminding you of it

Throughout this podcast I will be bringing on so many different people to share their timeline to give you the reassurance that everyone’s life is so different and that that’s okay!!

The reality of life in our twenties right now is one big shithole

Sometimes it feels like we are treading water and the next wave that comes is going to take us down

Other times we are floating on a raft, resting, chilling

And then there will be times where you are swimming full steam ahead towards land

But the other reality of our twenties is how much of a learning curve this part of life is, how this is the time for you to take responsibility, control, and ownership of what’s happening to you and for you

If you envision your life on a line graph you’ll be able to see the moment’s of happiness, where you feel on top of the world, where one thing is going wrong after another, and where you’re stable and steady

It’s because things are always changing, life doesn’t always trend positively, but it does give you the reminder that as long as you keep going and keep believing in yourself you’ll start to be on the upward trend soon enough

And if you have a unique timeline yourself, please don’t hesitate to reach out as there may be someone out there listening who needs to hear how you overcame a struggle they are currently experiencing

I know it can be intimidating to come on here, but trust me I make sure you’re well prepared and comfortable

But your unique story and timeline is what allows you to be the third grader to a second grader, think about how helpful it would’ve been for you to hear how everything worked out when someone else was working through a similar experience

So check out the show notes and click the link to fill out the little google form for being a guest

Or if you just want me to read your story on here, there’s a link for that too

But hopefully, after listening to this episode you are now at a point where you can feel a little bit more compassion and appreciation for the timeline you are on

And how special it is and how it’s created the amazing human that exists today, because without it you’d be boring

And if you are going through your own struggle right now simply say it’s for the plot and search for your happy ending or acknowledge that it builds character

I know my timeline makes me relatable, human, and humble, and yours does too

But if you liked what you heard today, then please subscribe, give me a rating, follow this episode, send it to a friend, or share on social media and tag me at coach.jessdiamond if you do

I love hearing from you guys when you love a particular episode, but this concludes this week’s episode of how to twenty something, I can’t wait to be in your headphones again with a new episode next Monday