You did it! Now what?

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today’s topic is to highlight the low that follows a really big high

It’s a shorter episode because it’s pretty straight forward when it comes to understanding this phenomenon and what to do about

So congratulations! You did it, you did the thing

Had the wedding

Got the job

Got the promotion

Got the relationship

Bought the house

Got the raise

Went on the trip

Completed the project

Lost the weight

I mean the list goes on

Whatever it is.. You accomplished the very thing you set your eyes on to do

Where you worked for it, obsessed about it, it was your roman empire for a hot minute and now that you’ve done it.. You’re left with the now what moment.. The low that follows the high

It stems from i’ll be happy when syndrome

Where you won’t experience the happiness you desire until you get the thing you’re after

And then you have the really harsh realization after you do do the thing of that was it? 

And instead of feeling this continuous level of bliss and hype you originally expected, you’re disappointed that now it feels like a regular day

That it is impossible to carry on the higher level of bliss for an extended period of time

In fact there is only that immediate peak and every second afterwards it wears off just a little bit more

This is such a normal experience to have

I first experienced it with landing my first full-time job

Where I spent the entire summer after graduation stressed and anxious about my future

I’d have interviews and hear nothing back and all I wanted was my first full-time job

That I would finally be happy, feel successful, and have a better routine once I got it

I was glued to applying for jobs, expanding my search, checking my email for updates

I was ready to grow up and begin my adult life and then when I got the job and started working I was hit with the.. This is it moment 

This is what I worked so hard to achieve

And was incredibly disappointed and honestly I felt fooled by my friends and other working professionals

They glamourized this life.. Hyped it up.. And when I joined them I was immediately hit in the face with some humble pie

I was ready for the fabulous start of my twenties like what you see on tv and instead, i was given adulting 

Mundaneness, structure, responsibilities 

It was very different than what I pictured in my head

And the truth is, this experience does not only happen once in your life

It happens with everything you set out to accomplish

Like when I gave my TEDx Talk.. i worked so hard on it for months from mid November until I delivered at the end of March

I spent so much time writing and rewriting this talk, then memorizing, and practicing, over and over and over again

And then I totally killed it on stage and when Monday came… i was back to my regular scheduled programming

Sure everyone asked how it went, I had pictures come in throughout that next week, but I was back to personal training and coaching.. My regular routine.. My monday morning schedule 

And don’t get me wrong I love the work I do and I sure as hell rode that high for a few weeks after but I was simultaneously back to my schedule.. Only I was no longer rehearsing on every walk I went on

And lucky for me, I had a talk scheduled almost two weeks later to redirect my focus towards and help fill in some of the ‘what do I work towards now’ gaps

But it’s hard on the mind because you invested so much into this thing that you were chasing after, that once it happens it kind of leaves a hole in your life

You have time again, you have a regular life again

And sure when you’re in the thick of it all you’re thinking is I can’t wait for this to be over

Where I don’t have to think of another napkin shade for my wedding, look at the menu ahead of time to pick the healthiest option, open up indeed again and search for a job, or for me.. Practice my talk on another walk

The process that is grueling in the moment was keeping you occupied and carrying you to your destination 

Your eyes were set on a prize

That when you finally arrive you’re hit with the blank spot.. What do I do now?

And this isn’t to say setting goals is bad

And it’s not a sign that something is missing.

It’s just what happens when something that once took up a lot of your mental, emotional, and physical energy…is no longer there.

So no, goals aren’t the problem here, they are actually very important in giving you direction and purpose

Now it becomes a matter of finding the balance of acknowledging and celebrating yourself for doing the thing while also making sure your identity and happiness wasn’t only tied to that one thing

And then giving yourself something new on the horizon to fill up some of the emptiness you’re experiencing

It doesn’t have to be anything massive, just something to help bridge this hole that has made its way into your schedule

Something to look forward to

And this is something you’re going to want to know and start putting in place ahead of the big moment

To avoid that emptiness feeling or that drop that follows the high

Because it’s going to happen regardless

Like I said, I was lucky that I had another talk lined up right after my massive debut on the tedx stage

And I also knew that after that next talk was done, it was time to switch gears into writing a keynote and getting paid to speak on bigger stages

I’m letting myself celebrate the hard work and completion of ted… a dream I wanted for myself for three years, while also making sure I know what’s next for myself

Because the high wears off

It is impossible and honestly a bit foolish to think that high will continue on… when in reality it’s a fleeting moment

So it’s not a matter of figuring out how to stay in the high forever, but rather figuring out what to do when the high is over.. Or even who are you once it’s done

This is the part no one talks about when it comes to achieving your goals.. Because something isn’t necessarily wrong, yet it still feels like something is missing

Like you thought there would be more

Or another high to follow this one

And because of that expectation your brain immediately jumps to what’s next or something’s wrong

Sure you might take anywhere from a week to a month to ride the high, but as time goes on and your schedule balances back to the way it was before, you fall back down to your baseline

Ready to chase the next high

The tricky part is that if you keep doing that over and over again, build a life where you’re constantly chasing a goal post… you’ll never actually live in the moment

I see this the most when it comes to relationships

You want the relationship and then when that excitement calms down you want the engagement, ride that high, then it’s the wedding, the honeymoon, the house, then the kids.. If that’s what you want for yourself

It’s a natural progression for sure, but learning how to live in the mundane of the thing you once worked so hard to achieve is a very important lesson to learn

The random tuesday on the couch, the dumbass work call every friday morning, the normal routine you’ve built up

You don’t need something bigger to chase next, you need something else to do

Whether it’s a fun class to take, a new hobby to pick up, making monday nights trivia nights

It’s restructuring your routine to help fill in the gaps that was previously occupied with planning the wedding, applying for the job, practicing the talk

The big moments are the bonus to life you’re working hard to build, but they aren’t the end all be all and they most certainly are not the norm

And you’re allowed to feel a little weird after accomplishing something big

That’s the drop that is expected after the high

So be proud of yourself and let yourself sit with some of that discomfort

It’s part of the process

Because here’s the thing that most often gets overlooked: the goal was never just to get that thing

It was to build a life off it once you got it

Don’t immediately jump to the next big thing just to feel something again

Or rush to fill every second of your now more open schedule just because it feels empty

Learn how to be in it and then plan for you want to focus on next or the life you want to build that this accomplishment gave you a launch pad for

Acknowledge the work, bask in the glory, and figure out how it’s going to pave the way for your next thing

Which doesn’t have to be the next high, but the door this accomplishment is opening up for you

Because you did the thing… and you can to write your own story as to what’s now possible as a result

And that is how i’m going to end this episode of how to twenty-something

So if you liked what you heard, if you’ve ever experienced the low that follow a high, or know someone who just accomplished a pretty big goal for themselves.. Then please share this episode

Give me a five star rating, post it to your story, send it to a friend, just do something that will help me reach all of the twenty-somethings navigating the most confusing decade of their lives

And as always I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode