Who am I

I’m back with another episode of how to twenty-something and this one is super exciting because it is the 52nd episode!! Which means that how to twenty-something has existed for one whole year

And in the podcasting world this is a pretty big freaking deal because only 11% of podcasts reach 50 episodes and here we are at 52 at one whole year

Happy birthday how to twenty-something and I know I wouldn’t be here without my regular listeners so thank you for tuning in every week thank you for telling me which episodes you liked the most and even thank you to those who have popped in every now and again

I can only see how many people listen to the show and where in the world people listen, which is cool to know that we’ve gone global, so if you’re listening and you’re not my mom, my sister, or my close friends, then please let me know you’re there.. I want to connect with you, get your feedback, listen to your requests

Help me elevate this show to it’s next level as we go into year 2 of being a podcaster

And because we are celebrating one year of being on this platform, I thought I would share my personal life altering moments and lessons that have shaped me into the coach I am today and help qualify me to be the resource for any young adult out there

I’ve given bits and pieces of my story sporadically across different episodes, but I think it would be beneficial for you to hear what I’ve grown through and learned since becoming an adult myself

I’ll be diving into my different life categories of health and nutrition, career, relationships, moving out on my own, being a newborn adult during the worst time possible, and the life lessons that I’ve learned along the way

Part of the reason why I want to share my story with all of you is because I always get asked why I became a coach and how I got here and I think there is great reassurance in knowing you’re not alone with what you’re experiencing and that I didn’t get to where I am today without my own struggles and downfalls

I’m not perfect, I don’t claim to be perfect, nor do I claim to have all the answers, but I also know that if you don’t know my story and you just see happy Jess skipping around town, because yes, I enjoy skipping as it makes me feel happy, then you’ll be quick to judge me or honestly, even worse, feel insecure around me, because you don’t see the whole picture of who I am and what I’ve been through

I became a coach because I was once a deeply struggling twenty-two twenty-three year old and thought I was the only one experiencing these thoughts and struggles and that something was wrong with me

And it wasn’t until I got myself out of my major struggles, did I realize that we’re all struggling in our own ways so I became the resource I once needed, and at times still need, so you don’t have to figure it out on your own

So here we are, who am I?

I am Jess Diamond, I was born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, Florida no I’m just kidding I’m not going to give you my whole back story

But let’s start with one of the first defining moments in my life and that was when I was twenty and misdiagnosed with PCOS

We could even go back a little further because being in college and surrounded by a ton of other females, means the topic of bodies and insecurities comes up a lot

So you start picking up on the disordered eating habits of those surrounding you and never ate too much during the day so you could eat a big dinner at night

And the not much during the day was never full meals but rather starve yourself til 10 then eat dry cereal like fruit loops, frosted flakes, cheerios, or lucky charms and with that breakfast I would have an apple with peanut butter

Basically a lot of sugar and little to no protein and I was a cardio junky so my body started doing it’s job of yelling at me to clean up my act and that showed up in the form of irregular periods

We’re talking bleeding for a few hours every two weeks

So I went to my mom’s gyno and she ran some tests and did an ultrasound and found one cyst so she diagnosed me with PCOS and her solution was to put me on birth control right away to help the symptoms

She also kept calling it my disease she would say “with your disease this and with your disease that” and to a twenty year old that is horrifying to say I have a disease because a few months prior I was otherwise quote unquote healthy

But I was naive so I didn’t question the doctor and birth control seemed like a smart idea only it made everything worse

She also failed to ask about my nutrition because, if you don’t know, PCOS is poly-cystic ovarian syndrome and is basically your bodies way of not processing sugar properly so it is a form of prediabetes and is commonly found in overweight or obese women

I was about 115-120 lbs at this time so I can assure you I was not overweight but I also didn’t know any of this nor did I take it upon myself to do research about it.. I just kind of accepted this is the way my life is now

Anyways back to birth control, because I didn’t fix anything in my lifestyle I wasn’t seeing any improvements and now I felt uncomfortable on the birth control as it made me bloat and still didn’t alleviate my frequent period symptoms

My mom sent me to her nutrition coach to clean up what I was eating since I was home that summer and I guess my mom could see that I was not making good choices with my food

Her coach put me on this crazy strict diet – it was no or very little carbs, grains, starches, and sugars

I basically ate eggs, meat and veggies and some fruits for 2 months straight, then after the two months I was allowed one cheat day and let me tell you, I would go ham on that cheat day

I would wake up at 7am on a Saturday which for a college student is crazy early and eat an entire family size bag of kettle corn, I would go get an acai bowl after that, and really eat any junk food that came my way to point of making myself sick

By saturday evening I would be lying on my bed curled up in stomach pains but it’s what I had to do because the following six days was back to extreme restriction 

My disordered eating was only getting worse since now it was extreme binge and restrict but this is what a professional told me to do… in her defense she didn’t think I would go so off the rails so I don’t know maybe it’s my adhd brain or frankly a normal human reaction of depriving a twenty year old of food she’s constantly being surrounded by in her sorority and apartment because discipline can only hold on for so long

Anywho this timeline was about July to December in 2017 and during this time I was on birth control and hating every moment of it

So I did probably the worst thing someone could do in this situation and quit everything cold turkey

I was like screw it this is not a way to live, I can’t party with my friends or go out to eat with them, I felt like I was missing out on some crucial college experiences and it wasn’t fun it was very regimented and life isn’t supposed to be that regimented

So I slowly had to learn my very first life lesson and that is everything in moderation

During this time I became so inflamed because of all of the extremes my body was put through.. I initially lost a few pounds with this diet and then gained it all back plus more

I didn’t look good, I was super self-conscious of my body, I was getting a lot of stomach aches since I destroyed my gut microbiome, and overall did not feel good about myself both internally and externally

I could no longer eat pastries or junk foods without getting a stomach ache and was slowly learning what actually made me feel good

I kept some habits that I developed from the extreme diet and ditched some others, but regardless my body was not responding well

That next summer I went abroad which was probably one of the best things I could have done because the food in Europe is so much better and when I returned home I got right to the gym with the goal to learn how to lift weights and get stronger and tighter since I still had some extra fluff on me 

Only this brought me right back to the disordered eating of 1200 calories a day and if I went over I thought I was going to get fat again and mind you I was never really that fat, but I was also the skinny kid growing up so my perception of being fat in my body was distorted

Which brings me to milestone life moment number two, breaking four bones in my ankle

Because I was depriving myself of basic nutrients that my body needed, my bones became frail and one wrong move on an indoor soccer field caused four bones at the base of my ankle to peace out

The treatment plan: 6 weeks in a non-weight bearing cast and 6 weeks in a walking boot followed by a ton of physical therapy

This physical therapist saved me because he taught me how to properly strength train my lower body and do so consistently

He taught me how to squat, deadlift, and lunge and had me on a 5×5 routine 

I got those newbie gains and was loving it

It mainly forced me to go into the scary part of college’s gym: the weightlifting section

Which at my school the big weights were all the way in the back so you had to walk past the cardio equipment, past the basketball courts, past the offices, past the locker rooms, turn the corner and finally you’ve reached the weights

And since I was doing 5 sets of 5 reps of each exercise I was living at the squat rack and resting so much in between sets that I would look around and see what other people were doing

Then I would go try out something new at the smaller gym that contained mostly freshmen because by this point I was in my senior spring

Anyways, because I was lifting I had to fuel myself better and not to mention that my appetite grew due to the additional muscle on my body

It still didn’t click in my head yet that being afraid of food is more harmful to you than eating too much of the right foods… I had a lot of work to do with unlearning my previous relationship with food and that took years so stay with me

But because I was now weightlifting much more frequently, my curiosity around personal training entered the chat and I thought about becoming certified after graduation since I didn’t have a job lined up yet, which we’ll get into later

My boyfriend at the time told me it’s pointless to waste your money on this type of certification and it takes a long time to complete – for reference he was an athlete and knew he wanted to go to physical therapy school and had taken a class that resembled the certification, or so he says

So I listened to his input because I trusted him and didn’t become a personal trainer…. Yet

Which brings me to life lesson number two, if you want something it’s on you to go get it – don’t listen to the background noise as it’s merely a distraction

Instead, I carried on with overtraining and undereating, but not undereating enough to break my bones, plus the weightlifting was strengthening my bones at the same time

By this point it’s the summer after graduation and a lot of my friends plus my boyfriend were all staying in Gainesville, and because I had no job and nowhere to go and a lease that wasn’t up until the end of July, I stayed too

I would walk 2.5 miles to the gym, do a 90 minute workout and walk 2.5 miles home and the whole ordeal would take about 5 hours.. I believe I mentioned this in the overtraining episode

But I had nothing else to do so I figured why not

I didn’t know that I was overtraining or that this lifestyle was actually toxic

I would tell myself that once I got job and got into a good routine I would have better habits around movement and also wouldn’t feel so inclined to snack throughout the whole day

But for now, I had time to kill

I spent that entire summer repeating that same routine, getting ghosted by places I interviewed for, and started not enjoying my relationship anymore

My boyfriend was amazing at first, I guess that’s why it’s called the honeymoon phase

But I was a school year ahead of him and we didn’t know where I was going to end up with my career so he started to pull away.. Only I didn’t know he was strategically doing so at the time

I just thought he was becoming shitty and as a result, I was getting ready to leave him

Except it was first relationship and I know relationships require work and communication so I kept saying okay one more week, one more week, because again at this time in my life I was so unsure and insecure about my career situation that I didn’t want to lose someone that was part of my support system

Even though he really wasn’t all that supportive of what I was going through and how upset, stressed, and depressed I felt because I had no job lined up

And for me, going home was not an option – yes my mom said I could come back and live at home, but her and I butted heads hard during this time of my life so we both kind of knew that would not end well

And right before, like we’re talking the night before, my week long family trip to Alaska at the beginning of July, he broke up with me

For one, I returned his 6 month anniversary present and was also like damn I was going to wait until after my trip to leave him but he beat me to it

Now I have no boyfriend, no job, and nowhere to live as the end of my lease was encroaching

Panic was setting in and finally I got a call that I finally was being offered a job and the most un-ideal company I could have ever imagined for myself

I was an interior design major who specifically didn’t want to go into retail design and this job was in a satellite office 30 minutes outside of orlando where there was only one other employee who was 65 years old and part time and the line of work was retail restaurant and gas station design

I remember in the interview they asked me what retail store i liked the most and my answer was nike so if that gives you any idea as to one where my focus was which was in the fitness world, and my two my knowledge of the retail industry then i don’t know what will

I guess they were desperate to hire someone to maintain connections with disney and I was desperate for a job

Thinking I just needed my foot in the door, then I could go anywhere

Bringing me to the third lesson I learned the hard way, because isn’t that how we learn all lessons, but anyways this lesson was you absolutely need to do an internship in the field you think you’re interested in

I couldn’t land a job after graduation because every firm didn’t like that I had no in office experience

My program had you do an internship the summer before senior year or go abroad and that was the only time you could go abroad… I wanted to travel and experience that part of college so I chose to go abroad

Our professors assured those of us who went abroad that they would help us land jobs afterwards

Those professors lied because I asked every single one of them for connections in the industry and all of them said they no longer had any

So the 5 of us who chose Europe over an internship struggled to find work after graduation and everyone else got hired on by their internship

If i could go back and do that part differently then I would choose to go abroad through my minor of business administration and not through my major, but I also know that if my life didn’t unfold in this way then i wouldn’t be where I am today

But an internship would have also given me a glimpse into the work I was pursuing and soon realize that it’s primarily a desk job which is what I was trying to avoid

Anyways, I took this job and was hopeful, I chose to live in downtown orlando and commute 30 miles each way every day so i could at least have fun and friends on the weekends

I moved to a new city where I didn’t really know anyone and found two random strangers to live with in an apartment

I had my sisters best friend about 25 minutes away and two girls who I knew from school but wasn’t close enough with to reach out

And the very first week of living on my own, in my big girl apartment, my apartment flooded it was a milestone moment because it was jess’s first adulting mental breakdown

This is where it was a good thing that no one else was in the office with me when I got a call from my roommate that water is pouring down from the floor above us

Fun times

But back to the work I was doing.. by the end of that first week, maybe the end of the second since the end of the first was chaotic with the flood, I had the thought of this is it? This is the next 40 years of my life? There’s no way, this is boring and not at all what I thought it was going to be

But I didn’t know what else to do and everyone in my family and all of my friends accepted that way of life.. They all picked a career and stayed so I thought this is just what you do

Maybe if I don’t absolutely hate my job I’ll at least make friends and try to recreate the community I had in college

And those first few months in orlando were fine, I made like 2 friends by going to a meetup group called young professionals of orlando, and also went back to gainesville almost every weekend for game days because I still had some friends there and my ex, which we were still in contact since the relationship didn’t end on bad terms and hey he was my first love, those things are hard to let go

Anyways, I’m content with my life, not really stressed, in a good routine, and by the end of 2019 my ex and I were back together trying out long distance

After the holiday excitement died down I got hit with the January blues because I suddenly realized I absolutely hated where I worked

There wasn’t enough work for me, so I was bored out of my mind, and the commute was god awful, so it was time for me to go searching for a new job even though I was only about 4 or 5 months into this position

Which is fine, it’s okay to give something a try and leave when it doesn’t work out, but I was scared or I guess not scared but I felt bad for leaving them since I was the only one manning this office.. Little 22 year old me

Bringing my to life lesson number 3 there is never going to be a right time

At the end of the day, the company you work for does not care about you.. In their eyes you are replaceable, especially when you’re still a newborn to the adult world and at the bottom of the corporate totem pole

So I began going to interviews in February and there were two places I was looking into working at but we had multiple rounds of interviews to go through.. I think you can probably forecast where this is going

Because in march of 2020 the whole world shut down and the places I interviewed at went on hiring freezes, for good reason

And my company, being Canadian based had different protocols for the pandemic than American companies did, so I was the last person to start working from home

You all remember it being like around March 14th and for me it was March 27th.. I even remember calling hr and asking them if I could work from home the week before that because my office shared elevators and bathrooms with all of these doctors offices and lab testing places and I felt unsafe because of how unknown everything was at that point in time

And Louise from hr told me “you’re young, you won’t die” and so I had to keep going into the office for that week while everyone else with a nonessential job got to stay home

Finally, I was told to bring my laptop and belongings home and begin working from home on Monday morning, but this was short lived because by tuesday afternoon I was pulled into a meeting with hr, my boss, and the vp of the company to tell me I was being furloughed for the next month

When you’re furloughed you’re still able to accrue seniority with the company, but you’re not receiving any pay so you’re unemployed but with no gap in your resume

And thus began my downward spiral

This is where I get personal so bare with me but I vividly remember the end of that zoom call, because yes my company used zoom before everyone else jumped on the bandwagon, but they told me as soon as this call ends I am to turn off this computer and not to turn it back on until I’m told to

So I closed it down, stepped into the hallway of my apartment building and called my mom hysterically crying as I had just lost my first adulting job

A job I didn’t even like!!!

My immediate thought was I lost my reason for getting out of bed every day and it a was very similar feeling from when I was struggling to find a job the summer prior yet here I am in the same predicament just a few months later

For those of you who don’t know why this thought came to my young mind, my father passed away when i was 13 and his last year of life he lost his reason for getting out of bed in the morning, which was taking me and my sister to school, but since we changed schools and it didn’t make sense for him to drive us anymore or basically to get out of bed and join the rest of society

One of my biggest fears was having that happen to me

And so began my month long quote unquote vacation where everything was shut down, the florida unemployment website was a piece of garbage so I couldn’t fill out an application without it crashing, and I was watching way too much tv oh and I also downloaded tiktok and began that addiction

I did have the wherewithal to not drink my sorrows away, but I was a mess regardless

I would go to gainesville every now and then to be with my boyfriend since there was nothing else for me to do and finally by mid April my unemployment application went through only to later find out that it was rejected

So now I was getting no money from work or from the government, and I didn’t qualify for the stimulus checks because it was based off of 2019 taxes and my mom claimed me as a dependent that year even though I was living on my own for the second half

I am very fortunate that my mom told me not to touch my savings and that she would help me with rent and groceries and my rent was like 550 because that was before apartments got greedy

A friend of mine had just graduated law school and connected me with her lawyer friend who was in unemployment law.. He took my case pro bono because neither of us knew why my application was getting rejected

Turns out, there is a very specific formula that qualifies you for unemployment and I’ve mentioned this in my unemployment episode but basically with this formula i was $1000 off meaning had I began this job one week earlier, I would’ve qualified

But you know life doesn’t always work out that well… it builds character

I learned a lot during this time of my life and it’s really the piece of my story that formed me into being an incredible coach for other people in their twenties

By the end of my month-long furlough or early retirement as I started to coin it.. I had to reach out to my company because the contract that I had to sign agreeing to this furlough said it was over by tomorrow

So I reached out to my boss to ask what was happening and if I was expected to work the next day and she said hr would get back to me with an email

And at like 7pm that night I received an email from good ol louise telling me my furlough was being extended at least another 3 months and my new return to work date was mid-July

I remember nervous laughing/crying when reading that email but I also knew that the way I was living over the last month was not going to be good for me to continue with

So I thought about what I could do with my time and this is when I began reading self-help books, my first one being you are a badass as that’s what my roommate jennifer had on hand

My friend kevin lent me the alchemist so I read that one too and I began that personal training certification despite my boyfriend still telling me that’s a bad idea and a waste of money that I don’t have

But I made a goal for myself to complete this certification by the time I was forecasted to return to work and ignored his doubtfulness

And so I got to work

And right after I started my certification my lovely facebook algorithm fed me a trainers wanted ad for an outdoor fitness bootcamp

You know how things work out in very specific ways.. Well in January of that year I wanted to go meet some more people and saw a free fitness bootcamp class pop up that I went to

Well the ad I was staring at was for that exact company.. I inquired and said I just started my certification and they got back to me and had me start training with them to be a trainer

By July of 2020, I still heard nothing from my job and my boyfriend went from a two hour drive away to a 7 hour drive away as he moved back home, but I successfully completed my personal training certification, and was finally receiving unemployment assistance

Things were starting to turn around for me and in August I was told that one of the trainers, since this bootcamp was franchise operated, was stepping down and I could take over his location

This was the best news I had received in months and I was ready to go all in to being a trainer.. I loved it.. I loved the feeling of how good people felt at the end of my workouts and how much they loved the workouts i was writing for them

I called my mom to tell her this news and how excited I was and ready to take on this franchise to which she responded something along the lines of why don’t you go try to find a real job again

Mind you my relationship with my mom was still not good and to hear those words come out of her mouth, the mouth of the woman who growing up told me to shoot for the stars and dream big, just broke my heart

But because she was paying my rent for the last almost 6 months now, I listened to her and found a new job at a residential architecture firm and told the outdoor bootcamp that I would love to continue subbing in classes but I was unable to take on my own location

By mid september I was back in a 9-5 and told my old job, who i never heard back from, that I was quitting

The difference with starting this job versus my original one was I went into this one with the mission to get out.. It was only a matter of how and when but the more I continued to sub in for the bootcamp the more depressed i felt because I wasn’t able to do what I loved as often as the other trainers

And then whenever there was a lull in my day I felt my soul being sucked out of my body becuase I knew I could be doing something more with my time and life in a way that made a difference 

I started to do some research about going back to school for a different degree more related to health and fitness but knowing I had zero prerequisites for anything in that realm, I decided that would be an extremely expensive adventure

My mom told me about her coach, the woman who put me on an extremely strict diet just a few years prior, and said to contact her about what she recommends for a coaching certification

Towards the end of 2020 my life was turning around, my relationship was surviving long distance, my career was steady, and I was exploring how to leave the 9-5 life, the biggest struggle during this time was actually my roommates

Without getting into much detail, I was slowly becoming very sick of the two girls I was living with, they were filled with drama and lies and one of them would leave to spend 3 or 4 days with a boy she just met and expect me to care for her dog without asking me or paying me

Basically, by January of 2021 I new I had to get out of this apartment even though my lease wasn’t up until August

And within the span of one week, I found a roommate, a new apartment to move to in the most amazing area, found someone to take over my lease, packed up all of my belongings and got the hell out of there

It was pure chaos but man my mental health immediately improved now that I was living in a much safer and more secure environment

Life lesson number 4: if you don’t like what you’re currently experiencing it’s on you to change it

Once I was settled again I decided it was time to begin my coaching certification, it was officially time for me to start making moves towards a future I was excited about

In April of 2021, I knew that when my lease was up the following March I was going to leave my job and move to Charlotte to pursue my business

No one believed me at first, but I kept repeating it over and over again and my mom got on bored, my sister even stood up to my grandparents when they doubted me behind my back and said if anyone could do this it’s jess, and my friends were rooting for me

My boyfriend, on the other hand, was not supportive at all.. He questioned my every move and told me that this didn’t make sense, why would I leave a stable job for the entrepreneurial world

His parents were not supportive either, they very much put this doubt in his head which he then projected onto me.. Luckily I was so sure of myself and my dream that no amount of doubt imposed on me was going to deter me from this adventure

Our relationship had already begun to get rocky as I felt ever since we got back together at the end of 2019, he didn’t love me the same.. He had already set an expectation on what he’s capable of in our relationship and he never got close to that level again

And that compounds.. I really started to think about our relationship and if he was my person.. And something that really bothered me, as shallow as it sounds, was if you looked at my insta profile you would know I was in a relationship and if you looked at his profile you would think he was single

And here’s why it really bothered me… we were long distance and he was getting approached by girls

Oh my god one time a girl asked him out on a date and he went, let her pay, and then at the end of the date told her that he has a girlfriend

Y’all my book club is reading the book attached right now and when I tell you that I used to be the most secure person but his actions and the way this man made me feel over the course of three years turned me into someone who is so anxious

I could go on and on about how terrible of a boyfriend he was, but mind you we were in our low twenties and both had so much growing up to do still

Brining me to lesson number 5, something that I’m still working on learning is know your worth

He would tell me I was shaped like a door, that if I gained 5 pounds he would break up with me, play connect the dots with my acne, throw me under the bus to his parents who already didn’t like me very much, and made no effort to actually care for me

People ask me why that relationship ended and I say there were a lot of reasons but the biggest one was that he didn’t believe in me

Lesson number 6 is who you surround yourself with will either lead to your greatest success or your greatest demise.. You need people who believe in you no matter what because there are going to be those moments when you experience self-doubt and your center 5 need to be there when that happens

Anywho, from April to October I was completing my certification, subbing fitness bootcamps, working full time, and working with 3 clients online for free, all while juggling a terrible long distance relationship

My certification makes you be the client first and I think it’s what helped me to finally leave him

I was holding on to him because I knew that come March my entire life would be changing and I just wanted a piece of stability and familiarity to hold on to, but I reached my tipping point and I was done

He was no longer providing me a sense of stability or security and was actually adding to my already stressful life

And a few days before Halloween I Facetimed him and ended things once and for all and never looked back

It takes a lot of strength and courage to leave someone who has been a part of your journey for the last very significant 3 years

But in a sense I think he saved me during the pandemic, he gave me an escape and I definitely needed that 

Everything happens for a reason and this relationship taught me A LOT about myself, what I want, what I am unwilling to put up with, and that I’m going to be just fine on my own

Plus the entire long distance relationship brought me closer to my best friend Katie as she and her now fiance were long distance as well and those are tough waters to navigate on your own

It’s why I made an episode on long distance

And finally, March of 2022 came around and I packed up all of my belongings, turned in my keys to my office, hopped in a uhaul and embarked on my biggest adventure yet

A new city, a new business, a young jess full of hope, and fresh start

I immediately hired a business coach because if you hear any successful entrepreneur talk they all say how important it is to find a good mentor who has already been in your shoes

And I’m going on year 3 with my coach

I quickly integrated my new life in Charlotte, as one of my best friends from college was already living there and he introduced me to so many amazing people

I was hoping that I would have clients right away since this friend was a practice client and well connected, but that didn’t happen, instead I got a friend group which is arguably just as important, if not more

Life in Charlotte was better than i could have imagined, that first year was amazing, I had a social life again, I felt like I was back in college since everyone lived about a mile or so from one another, myself included, and I was having fun

Business was a slow growth, but I made sure I had enough savings to support me during the slow growth as that’s to be expected when you’re just starting out

During this time I was figuring things out, my community of people, my schedule, my lifestyle, my dating life, everything and things were going fairly well for this newborn entrepreneur 

It wasn’t until the start of year 2 of living in Charlotte, when things took a turn and I was headed right for another massive life lesson

And that brings me to number 7 People are going to come and go in your life and you’re never going to know if they’re going to be here for a reason, a season, or a lifetime

I made a whole episode on this topic but my best friend of 8 years, the person behind the main reason as to why I moved to Charlotte, completely abandoned me

I have tried to look at this situation from every angle possible and it’s so shitty to be left with no answers because we had a little tiff, I was feeling left out and then he crossed some boundaries and lied to me about what was going on with him, and we sorted things out face to face, clearly communicated both of our sides, hugged it out, and left the conversation with he was going to let me know what else he was doing for his birthday that upcoming weekend

Since i was already not invited to the boat day, that, come to find out after the fact, had like 20 or 30 people on it, most of who he was barely friends with, yet his friend of the last 8 years, me, was not invited

Anyways, like I said he left that parking lot with the ball in his court of he was going to invite me to other birthday festivities and I never heard from him again

Now losing one friend, that’s tough, especially when it’s your closest friend, but he was leader of the entire friend group, so as a result I lost just about everybody

Yes, they all very well could have reached out to me on their own accord and they didn’t, at all, for months, for that entire summer, and that speaks to their character and to what my relationship with them actually meant

As a result I fell into a deep depression that I didn’t even realize was happening.. It wasn’t until I felt a week of happiness in August did I realize oh shit I’ve been depressed for who knows how long

But I would spend every weekend of last summer on the floor my bedroom hoping, waiting, for someone to invite me somewhere as I didn’t have the courage to make the plans myself out of fear that they already had something planned with this ex friend 

It was also out of embarrassment that if that person was busy then they would know I had zero plans and was a loner

And now i’m therapy because of what happened last year

Because life lesson number 8 is you need to surround yourself with your support system – this is outside of friends and family, it’s the people who are fully there for you like a therapist, a coach, a mentor, someone who can help guide you through the most confusing time of your life

However, once I got in control of what I was doing to myself, my social life, and my mental health, I had to relearn how to make friends

And that is a very important skill to learn and what a lot of people come to me for help with.. We all want our sense of community and I’m not going to lie it’s hard as shit to build it from scratch

I took the easy way out when I moved Charlotte and I got caught with my pants down

So in August I started my self help book club that i’ve mentioned on here and was asked to speak at the Power of Voice Charlotte and there is one very crucial commonality between the two of those things and that is my friend Bri

She coincidentally asked to join my book club at the same time she was asked to be a part of the same speaking event and we clicked instantly

Because yes making friends is hard, some people it takes a lot of consistently seeing them but there are those examples where you meet someone and you’re immediate best friends

I am only able to recall two moments in my life when that has happened and Bri is one and Katie, who listens to every episode and I’ve mentioned her before is another

And now fast forward to a year later and I have some friends from my old group and new friends from the one that I built and they know who they are but I specifically want to shoutout bri and kaitlan

Like I said, who you befriend in this phase of your life is critical to your happiness and success

You can’t do this thing called life alone, we’re social creatures, we crave intimacy and belonging and community 

When you have that core group of people in your life, including a significant other or your mom or dad even sister or brother, you’re then able to feel more adventurous because you’re secure and dependent on the people who are their to catch you if you fall

It’s like when you’re at the park as a kid and maybe you wouldn’t have jumped to the monkey bars that first time without your mom or dad right there to catch you so you didn’t hit the ground in case you missed

But your group is dependent on you and so you need to do the things you enjoy and talk to people while you’re in that setting.. Giving yourself something in common right away to establish connection

And now, that brings me to the present moment where I’m still working on my dating life, but I have my friends, I have two gyms that adore me and the feelings mutual, I go to field day on Sundays and play ultimate frisbee in the park, I’m doing speaking events a lot more frequently, I have thriving business, I eat a ton of food and know how to take care of my body, and I am the person, the coach, the friend, that I am today because of all of my different experiences that happened back to back to back

I wouldn’t wish these experiences on anyone, espeically in the time frame that I endured them, but it overqualified me to help you with whatever it is you’re going through

And to know that I’m still a work in progress I’ve just already paved a pretty solid path for my twenty-somethings to follow

In regards to their health, their friends, their dating life, their boundaries, their career, and their desire to want to make the most out of their life

Bad things are inevitable but they come with important life lessons, most of the time, and they are also not something you should feel you have to struggle through on your own

Speaking from personal experience, white knuckling life without a support system is going to keep you stuck in your current situation for far longer than you need to be had you sought out the resources to help you through it

And I am that resource, it’s why I have this podcast, it’s why I show up every day in my life and in my business because I was a struggling twenty-something year old and I found the hacks behind life and I want to help you do the same within the context of your life

But that’s my story, that is who I am based on the last 4 years of my life, very crucial 4 years that molded me into who I am the experience and wisdom that I have today

If any part of my story resonated with you, if you are twenty-something listening who is going through a hardship or who wants more from their life than what they’re currently experiencing then I invite to hop on a call with me and we can talk about what’s coming up for you and if I’m the coach to help you

Otherwise, this concludes another episode of how to twenty-something, officially marking this as one year of this community, if you liked what you heard, let me know, and please share it on social media or send it to a friend, tag me at coach.jessdiamond if you do and stay connected with me because we’re just getting started

And as always, I cannot wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode