Life really does get easier

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today’s episode is in honor of my birthday being this past weekend!

I am officially in my last year of my twenties and man oh man has it been a whirlwind with highs and lows and constant lessons to be learned that I did  not want but am grateful I was given them

And before you get all up in my grill about what’s going to happen to this podcast once I turn 30, let me clear some things up for you

1. Turning 30 is an entire year away, why are we worrying about this right now

I had people ask me last year when I was turning 28 what would happen to how to twenty-something when I turn 30 and I was like why are you aging me like that.. I still have 2 whole years left

So now we’re down to 1 and I still feel the same way

And 2. I’ll probably be ready for a rebrand anyways.. I’m thinking how to adult to pair with the book I want to write called how to adult or your adulting playbook or something like the guide to adulting

But, like I said I have a whole year to think on this… which is a much better state than I was in last year when I was ready to stop the podcast

Turns out I just needed to readjust the pressure I was putting on myself to make each episode a certain length and no longer force myself to find a guest every other week

Which is why you’ve heard a lot more solo episodes over the last year than the prior two

So no more questions about what happens when I turn 30

Because the real truth is.. I don’t know

And I don’t have to know yet

And if i’m not worried then you shouldn’t be either 

But this episode is kind of a reflection of my 29 years of life and to give you some hope if you’re going through something right now and the light at the end of the tunnel feels very very far away

Every battle I’ve overcome or obstacle I’ve navigated has helped me grow as a person and as a coach to help my clients and I really feel like my life is finally getting easier

With the hopes that I didn’t just jinx myself, so knock on wood

But I say that not to say I deserved to go through any of the hardships I encountered 

I mean, truth be told, everything I’ve gone through I wouldn’t wish upon anyone

Nor do I think you have to go through hardships in order to grow

But it is to say that they did make me stronger, better, and more compassionate 

While also raising my tolerance levels for what I’m able to handle and my confidence in being able to overcome anything new

Which is why this episode is to tell you that it does get easier

Life really does get easier

And here’s why

It’s stems from the message I say at the end of every episode that this is the most confusing decade of your life

Everything you’re encountering is brand new

You’re living on your own for the first time, figuring out a full-time job for the first time, learning how to take care of yourself with the gym and with food, making friends, finding out a lot about yourself

It’s like you’re getting hit in every direction with a new experience which is incredibly overwhelming and exciting depending on what it is

But mainly overwhelming

Especially if things change quickly or you’re not where you thought you’d be

Because there are other firsts that happen too, which is what I talk about in my tedx talk that’s happening in 3 weeks!!!

I’ll be posting the video once it’s live everywhere so keep an eye out for it, because it’s going to be so good

But these firsts I’m talking about are not so fun, like when you go through a break up, when you lose your job, when your lifelong friends don’t feel lifelong anymore, when your health and body feels like it’s failing you

You’re learning how to recover from each and every one of these experiences for the first time… by yourself

Mom and dad aren’t swooping in to save the day to tell your boss that this treatment is unfair or your friends parents to punish your friend for being mean

So as a result, a solid 75% of your twenties is one shithole after another

For me it was literally one year after another had SOMETHING in it that i was like seriously!? 

And now that I’m 29, and even as 28 started to round out, things really have started to feel easier, there’s less friction

You really develop into yourself, who you want surrounding you, and what brings you peace and those are the things you start chasing

But they wouldn’t have been without some of the quote unquote failures that came earlier on

Like I would not have thought to become a coach had I not lost my job a 23 and used my free time to acquire a personal training certification

I would not have moved to charlotte, if the pandemic didn’t make me feel so trapped in orlando

I would not have had a set of standards for who I wanted to date if my ex wasn’t my ex

I would not have known what qualities I desire in my friendships if I didn’t lose two best friends in a span of two years

But when each of these things were happening, I was miserable 

I cried.. A lot

And I do have a lot of trauma that I carry with me from some of these things

But that’s what therapy is for

And it’s what makes me so overqualified to help other twenty-somethings with their shit

A saying I like to say a lot and honestly haven’t said it in a while is in coaching we take the cards you’ve already been dealt and learn how to play the game

And some people have a really rough playing hand… i felt like I had a rough hand to play with for a while there

But learning how to play the game is crucial to focusing on what’s within your control

We can’t control the bad hand, we can control what you do next or what you do about it in general

But life really does get easier because you’re gaining experience in each of these encounters so when it happens again.. Because it will

You will lose your job again, go through a breakup again, have no friends again, hate your body again and all the things

But now you know you’ve gotten yourself through it before and can do it again AND you have the tools to help you do so

Life doesn’t stop life-ing, and sure there are going to be other new challenges that arise like aging parents and kids and such

But for the most part you’ve already generated a lot of proof that you can survive that too

And you trust yourself more as you get older to be able to get through it

Like the first time you lose your job you’re going to feel a massive loss of identity, the second time it happens you’re probably going to change directions and feel like you’re starting over, the third time it happens you’re a seasoned pro

It’s still shitty that it’s happening, but how you process the news of losing your job gets easier

You’re able to pick yourself up off the ground faster

Another reason why things get easier is because you stop making everything about you or your stop taking things so personally

This is also what I will be discussing in my ted talk

It’s something I know I still have trouble with but I am able to recognize it a lot quicker

And it comes with growing up and maturing

Like when you don’t get the job, you stop thinking it’s because you suck and you’ll never get hired and start to realize the company found a better fit

It didn’t mean you weren’t a fit, you just weren’t the best because some candidate beat you to the punch

It’s not about you as a person, it’s simply what they were looking for

Life gets easier because you’re more at peace with your decisions, you’re less afraid of the outcomes since you know you’ve figured things out in the past and will be able to do it again

You become pickier with who you let into your life and stop forcing friendships, turning a blind eye to red flags, saying yes to please the other person

You do you.. Unapologetically 

And who and what you do say yes to aligns with you and your goals

Also, none of this to say that life won’t stop challenging you or throwing you curveballs, you’ll just be able to bounce back faster

So instead of your spiral lasting several days, it’ll last several hours

Or you’ll still feel anxious about something but are able to manage your anxieties better

You’ll stop avoiding your big feelings and let yourself work through them

You stop being the toddler of the adult world and grow up a little bit more so you feel so much more emotionally regulated 

Now, if you’re listening to this episode and you’re one of the unfortunate souls going through it right now, then me telling you it’ll get better is not going to be helpful

But the more times you do get through the hardships you face, the more you’ll believe in your ability to get through the next one

And I’m sorry life is kicking you around right now

Sometimes time has to take its toll, other times there’s going to be something you can do about your situation to improve things, and other times you can admit that this sucks and be mad about it

It’s not as though you’ll wake up one day and suddenly all of your problems disappear… life doesn’t stop challenging you once you hit a certain age or reach a certain number of shit storms

And while I wish that were the case, it isn’t… reality is

The bright side is as you get older your self-doubt decreases and that’s why you’re ability to overcome your obstacles gets easier

Where each setback no longer sends you into a spiral that you’re falling behind or failing at life

Or when someone walks out the door you lock it behind them instead of chasing after them to come back

Your twenties truly are the most confusing decade of your life, but with the confusion and what feels like the Universe testing you, comes a lot of skills that you’ll be able to use for the rest of your life

Which is why life really does get easier, so long as you don’t give up

And on that note, this does conclude another episode of how to twenty-something

If you liked what you heard, learned something new, or know someone who needs this episode as a reminder that what they’re going through is temporary and it’ll help them add another tool to their life skills tool box, then please share this episode

Post it to your story, send it to that friend just do something that helps me expand my audience to every single twenty-something navigating the most confusing decade of their life

And as always, I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode