Jess Diamond (00:02.692)
Welcome back to another episode of How to 20 something with another special guest to share her own story of being brave through her 20s and how you can apply this mindset to your own life. So when I say braving through your 20s, I really mean doing the things that are scary, maybe even unconventional, but allow you to live boldly, unapologetically, and most of all, bravely, which is how I want to begin this episode. And that’s with defining what

characterizes someone as brave. So bravery involves taking action despite uncertainty or discomfort or personal risk, and it’s driven by this sense of purpose, responsibility, or conviction. It can manifest physically, like saving someone from drowning. It can manifest emotionally when you confront some hard feelings. And it can even manifest morally when you stand up for something that you believe in.

Today’s guest lives an incredibly cool and unique life and fully exemplifies what it looks like to live bravely. So before I let her share her story, I want to preface this episode with one important statement and then I’m going to introduce her. The statement is that bravery looks different for everyone. So it’s on you to define what being brave looks like for you and not based on the stories you hear from other people.

And that includes Hannah’s. So now I’m going to introduce her to the show. And that is Hannah is a connection creator and founder of the Brave Bitches Club, a community for women to connect, let their messy out, have fun, and grow through the uncomfortable together. Hi, Hannah, and welcome to How to 20 something.

Hannah Sol Marie (01:27.598)
Mm.

Hannah Sol Marie (01:44.92)
Thank you so much. That was also such an amazing introduction. I love hearing the definition of bravery and your acceptance of what bravery looks like for everyone. I’m all for that. I love it. So thank you so much for having me here today.

Jess Diamond (01:59.728)
Of course, I’m so glad you’re here. And I know a bit about your story, which I find super fascinating, especially how it demonstrates this sense of bravery that a lot of us haven’t found within ourselves, myself included. And I know I gave that definition of what bravery is, but I want to give you the floor and ask you what is your definition of bravery and also how does it apply to your Brave Bitches Club?

Hannah Sol Marie (02:18.626)
Thank

Hannah Sol Marie (02:27.252)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, I love what you said about how bravery looks different on everyone because I so agree with that. think to me, bravery just means doing the hard thing. And I think bravery and fear are so intertwined. You cannot have bravery unless you’re scared, unless you are afraid of the outcome or doing it or the difficulty of it. And so that’s something I always try to emphasize too, because I think sometimes people can be like, like I live in

Peru, you live outside the states, you are adventuring or you’re doing these things, like you’re so brave, you don’t have fear. And I’m like, that’s not true at all. Like I experienced fear on the regular, anxiety is my friend. Like it is there and it’s there to hang out on the regular. so it’s not a lack of that, but for me it means like accepting you have fear, but that it’s not gonna have control. It’s not gonna make the choices. And so I’m saying, okay,

I’m gonna do this hard thing because my desire for it or I think it is worth the fear. It’s worth this difficulty to overcome. And so that’s why I chose the name as well because I chose Brave Bitches because I think community and connecting with each other, especially as women is so worth it. Being vulnerable is so worth it. Having uncomfortable conversations is so worth the fear that comes with that because it’s not easy. It’s weird. It’s hard to be like,

let me ask for help or let me tell you about all the mistakes I’ve made or like, you know, open up to all the raw human messy parts inside of you. But I feel like what I’m saying is like, it’s worth it to overcome that because the community and the women and the support that you can have on the other side of that is just like, you need that. It’s so worth it to overcome all that fear. And so I even still feel fear every time I host an event.

I show up and I’m like, hey, anxiety girl, sit back there. You’re not driving, but you’re still here. That’s okay. And so yeah, that’s what I really feel like it is. It’s just like not letting fear make the choice.

Jess Diamond (04:33.49)
I love that because there is the fear, the nervousness, like all of those uncomfortable energies that you have to sit in usually means that it’s because you’re doing something that is important to you and it has meaning to your life. And I like that you gave a couple of different, even more examples from what I gave of like physical fear versus, or not physical fear, physical bravery versus something that’s more psychological and mental. So you moved to Peru and you work in Peru.

Hannah Sol Marie (04:45.112)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (04:58.094)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (05:03.004)
Virtually you have like a lot of things that you’re doing within your life but your location is in a completely different country than what you’re used to and then you also mentioned of an example of asking for help and as a time we’re recording this podcast for those of you listening we actually had to reschedule it because I caught the flu and For the first time I had people in my immediate area ask if they could bring me things and I

Hannah Sol Marie (05:16.162)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (05:30.968)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (05:31.26)
I had to ask for help at the same time. I was completely bedridden and that was something I wasn’t used to. It was something I didn’t have that sense of community that I could reach out to help for and that they actually came and they meant the help that they were willing to provide. So it is so many different forms of bravery that come up in your life. What were some of the major parts in your twenties specifically that you feel best exhibit bravery?

Hannah Sol Marie (05:46.04)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (05:59.308)
Yeah, for sure. I mean, I just turned 30 last week, so I’m fresh out of my 20s. But yeah, my 20s, I feel like there were a lot of things that exhibited bravery when I look back on it now. And I’m like, OK, wow, that was a brave moment for me. I feel like maybe in the moment I was scared and didn’t know what I was doing and it didn’t feel super brave. And so like some of them would be

I talk about this a lot, but when I was 19, I left the religion and community that I grew up with my whole life, which is I grew up in a Christian family. I was homeschooled, so it was very involved in every aspect of my life. Went on mission trips, did all the things. And so when I was 19, I was engaged to a man and all of sudden kind of everything came crashing down on me. I was like, whoa, my life is…

like planned out now for the next 40 years at this point. Like I’m to go to church every Sunday. I’m going to be married to this man. And I was like, Whoa, I don’t know if this is what I want. And so I broke off my engagement and I left the church and that was like, I don’t even know at the time, like I said, I don’t think I would have called it brave. It really just felt like that was my only choice. It was, I wanted my freedom and I wanted my, I knew this wasn’t the life I wanted. And so I chose to leave.

But that was really hard and really scary. And I lost everything in my relationships, my sense of self, my sense of safety and all of that. But that also, I think, required many other brave choices afterwards. I think I could have stayed in that state of anger or resentment that came so easily immediately afterwards. But it took bravery for me to face my inner demons and face my religious trauma and my childhood.

you know, things that I experienced. and so a lot of that was like little mini choices along the way. And then I also think another huge brave choice I made in my twenties was getting married. I actually thought I was never going to get married after I broke off my engagement. I was like, screw love. Like I’m never going to get married, you know? And then I met my, my mans who I’ve been married to now for almost seven years. And we,

Hannah Sol Marie (08:20.066)
we ended up eloping. And that was like something that felt super brave when I look back on it too, because I think I was really scared of long-term commitment. I was scared of being vulnerable and open in relationships. I was really afraid of being hurt or abandoned the way I felt from my church when I left. I didn’t hear from any of my friends or community ever again. And so there was a lot of fear of betrayal.

if I do something wrong or I make a choice that you don’t agree with, are you gonna leave me? Are you gonna completely reject me? And yet I still chose to get married. And so that feels super brave to me. And also I stayed. There were a lot of times where my little running self wanted to be like, run away, run away, and I didn’t. And so I think that’s also a brave choice is continuing to commit to my relationship and love myself and love my partner as well. So yeah.

Jess Diamond (09:14.29)
I think that’s so interesting because there’s, we’re just gonna be talking about different types of bravery throughout this episode, apparently, because there’s two different types you just mentioned, again, differently, but it’s that the bravery required to leave something is one side of it, and that was to leave your church, leave everything you knew, and then the bravery to stay with something else, and that was staying with your now husband. So that’s so interesting of how

Hannah Sol Marie (09:24.525)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (09:32.696)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (09:39.919)
yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (09:43.844)
it does show up in different ways of it is very brave to leave everything that’s comfortable to leave the cushions to leave everything that is familiar to you. But then there’s the bravery in staying where you are and fighting for something, fighting for love, fighting for the life that you want, whatever it may be, whatever is coming up for you as you listen to this, is just knowing that there are those different types. I find that so interesting.

Hannah Sol Marie (09:49.88)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (10:08.92)
That is so interesting. I’m really glad you pointed that out because you’re right. think that bravery is kind of like virtue or morality, right? Where there’s not some specific black or white answer, right? Like you can’t, you can read all the books in the world, I think, where it’s like, this is right, this is wrong, this is right, this is wrong. And also I think you really have to face it in the instance itself. What is right in this choice? What is wrong? And, or also what is the brave choice here and what is the

fearful choice and sometimes that is to leave or to stay and like a lot of it it’s so it’s so nuanced you can’t just say that this is how you need to make your choice it is all about coming back to self I think and and checking in like for me like with my marriage I I know my tendency I am a person that tends to run when if I feel like pain could come my way I would rather leave before that comes and so

I have abandoned a lot of friendships when I was younger. abandoned my religion. I’ve had a lot of things that like some of them were really good for my growth and some were not. But I know that that tendency in myself is like, if I feel that that pain could come, then I would rather run. And so when I am in my marriage, like there’s like moments that I have to check myself, be like, okay.

Sometimes I’m getting a little scared here because I’m dealing with my own emotional things. I’m dealing with my own struggles. And so my idea is if I run from my biggest thing in life, then I solve all my problems, right? Which is just not true. So much of what I value in my life now is because I did stay when moments were hard. Because I did stay in friendships when I had to have really uncomfortable conversation with them or tell them how they hurt me or apologize because I messed up.

or staying in my marriage when life gets hard, but getting to have someone to lean on and hold his hand as I walk through the fire. These things are really what are my major value in life is this times when I did stay when it’s hard. And so it’s a tricky balance, but it is just really coming back and figuring out, asking yourself, why do I feel like I’m, why am I making this choice? And what is my nature?

Hannah Sol Marie (12:27.286)
and having some compassion for that, but also not leaning too far that way either.

Jess Diamond (12:32.562)
Yeah, I was gonna say that would you say it’s fair to say bravery is doing the opposite of what you’re used to. So you said like leaning into your nature. So it’s like doing the opposite of what you feel you would naturally do.

Hannah Sol Marie (12:42.67)
Mm.

Hannah Sol Marie (12:48.174)
Hmm, interesting. Yeah, maybe. But also maybe, yeah. Okay, yeah, that could be it. I was like trying to think of instances when that wouldn’t be the case. But I think that you’re right, a lot of times bravery is breaking out of your comfort zone. And so what feels comfortable for you, even if what’s comfortable for you is say like, toxic relationships or, you know,

Like I said, leaving relationships, these kinds of things, like your body can get comfortable in that, even if you don’t think you’re comfortable, if you’re used to that pattern. And so it would be the brave choice to break outside of that and say, like, I’m gonna do something different than my regular pattern. And yeah, that’s always scary. The unknown is scary, because then you don’t know what the result is gonna be. You’re like, this is different than any choice I’ve ever made. What’s the result gonna be? Is it gonna be worth it? All that good stuff.

Jess Diamond (13:42.098)
Yeah, and that’s where the fear comes in, because fear is anything that’s unfamiliar. It’s any change that’s coming your way, the change from your norm or your normal way of thinking, your normal way of being. It goes against everything that your brain wants for you. Your brain craves that sense of familiarity, even if it’s not serving you anymore. So for you, it’s like you’re staying in your religious life and…

Hannah Sol Marie (13:44.151)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (13:59.481)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (14:08.598)
marrying your ex fiance, like that would be the norm. That’s what’s norm for you. But you broke from that you broke away, you stepped away and you stepped into a life that you probably never even would have imagined was possible for you as you were growing up and being homeschooled because you were surrounded by your quote unquote norm. Where how do you manage to talk yourself into committing to some of the bigger decisions you’ve made? Give I’ll give the example of

Hannah Sol Marie (14:13.205)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (14:17.368)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (14:27.982)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (14:38.458)
moving to Peru, so leaving the US behind and living abroad. Because I know we all have that habit of talking ourselves out of anything that is that new, that scary, that uncomfortable feeling. So how did you manage to talk yourself into it?

Hannah Sol Marie (14:48.812)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (14:54.382)
That’s a little tricky because I want to say, yeah, I have some advice or something, but honestly, I kind of thrive on change. I love a moment of something being totally different. And so that’s something that I think I seek out a lot. So maybe my tendency is to kind of jump into it and then think afterwards. Like I knew…

I think that a lot of my difficulties and fears have come after I already got here. So I’m lucky also, my partner, he’s so down with adventure with me. Like we both very much value freedom and getting to explore new places, learn new things. A huge reason why we even left the country in the first place is because it’s so much more affordable to live outside the country.

So we both have dreams we wanna pursue. And so it gives us freedom to work very little hours and be able to have so much more space and time to pursue those dreams. And so for me, I didn’t really have a moment where I needed to talk myself into it. was kinda like, I was like, hell yeah, moved to Peru, let’s do it. Like we moved to Nicaragua first, lived there for six months. And then the plan was to just be here for six months.

And then we’ve extended it now another year and now we’ve extended it two years. And so we just, I just feel, I feel really like that’s just so aligned with me. I love change and I love getting to experience these new things. I also feel like it also allows me to have so much gratefulness for the different types of life. So I lived in Idaho for a couple of years before this with my family and that felt like a very calm kind of, you know.

consistent, reliable type of days every single day. And I really thrived and I loved it. I appreciated every minute because I knew that at the end of this two years, it was going to change. I was going to be a Peru. I was going to be not knowing how to speak a language and experiencing all these things. And so there’s like this balance of me getting to appreciate my present moment because I know I’m going to change it probably in the next year, you know? And I know like after Peru, we’ll probably go back to the States and go back to some monotony and having that.

Hannah Sol Marie (17:12.658)
I really am valuing my adventure now because I know that I’m going to have that in the future. so, yeah, I feel like for me, it’s not as much of a brave choice as it would be for some others. To me, I think it’s like my nature.

Jess Diamond (17:29.948)
Well, that’s thing is that it’s all perception. Like bravery is all how you perceive it to be for you. So for me, like selling all my belongings, putting things in storage and moving to an entirely different country, that’s terrifying. Whereas for you, you’re like, no, this is exciting. So how do you, what would, do you have an example where…

Hannah Sol Marie (17:34.498)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (17:46.712)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (17:51.748)
you had a moment where you’re like, no, this is scary, but I’m going to do it anyways. And it’s more of that say yes before you know how mentality, but it still gives you that heart palpitation. You’re like, what am I doing?

Hannah Sol Marie (18:03.818)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, I think that’s what I love. I love when things are like part scary part exciting That’s when I feel like I’m on the right path if I feel like the heart palpitations But there’s like also a feeling of zeal or joy for life then I’m like, that’s the way to go And so yeah, I mean when I started my business That was really scary. I didn’t know what I was doing. I Continually, I feel like having a business especially as

you know, your own business where you’re the brand and all this, there’s like so much vulnerability that comes with it. And so it ends up being this kind of like incubator of growth where I’m continually facing my own, you know, just fears, my own insecurities and like having to always push past like learning. I’m learning all the time. I’m always having to learn how to do new things and wear another hat and figure out how to keep growing.

And so that’s always scary. I feel like that never goes away. I always just feel like there’s this, I’m like, this is terrifying. Okay, okay. But I’m also a little excited about it. Let’s freaking go. Boom. Or like I said, every time I host an event, I always get the butterfly jiggly heart racing before every single event. And I’ve been doing this for years now. Like I know how to do it. I show up, I honestly feel like it’s my superpower. I fucking good at it. Sorry, I don’t know if can guess on here. Is that okay?

Jess Diamond (19:28.37)
You can hear something, yes.

Hannah Sol Marie (19:29.302)
Okay, I’m good at it. Like I can show up. I know how to create spaces. I know how to make people feel comfortable I know how to host like badass cool events and yet every single time my little tiny self little tiny voice in the brain is Like do you though? What you doing? Hmm. You really want to do this? What if it all fails? What if everyone shows up and they hate you, you know, like that’s still there even though I know consciously I’m like shut up voice, you know, and so

I think that that’s just something I always have. Like even being here and talking about staying another extra year or two, it’s like, I’m like, yes, that’s awesome. That feels so good. And also it’s a little scary. Like I love my family and my friends and I’m far away from everybody. And there’s always like the fear that if something happens, I can’t be back there immediately, or I’m not there to watch my nieces and nephews grow up. And so there’s like a lot of kind of mourning of that too. There’s definitely.

some pain and things where I’m like, the life I’m choosing keeps me from other things I love. But it’s also like if I was home, I know my heart would be craving adventure. And so they’re just, there’s always gonna be some sort of sacrifice, some sort of fear, some sort of thing. And so I kind of just feel like that’s life is like, it’s never just one thing. We’re always juggling a little bit of it all at the same time.

Jess Diamond (20:50.276)
Yeah, it’s like whenever there is an achievement you’re after, there’s going to be a sacrifice that comes with it. And usually the bigger the achievement, the bigger the sacrifice you’re going to have to make. Like there is a give and take that comes with it. I know I was having a conversation with my mom recently about how I’m coming on three years of being fully self-employed. By the time this episode comes out, it will be three years fully self-employed. And I was talking with my mom was like, I was 24 when I started.

Hannah Sol Marie (20:55.928)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (21:02.958)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (21:10.872)
Hell yeah.

Jess Diamond (21:19.602)
this idea of leaving the corporate world that I was barely even in to pursue my own business. And to your point of usually in the moment, you’re not thinking like, oh, I was brave, but to someone else, like that is very brave. So even to me, older me looking back at younger me, I’m just like, that was really brave. I put everything on the line, but I had a plan with it. Like I wasn’t, it wasn’t just a willy nilly decision. And it’s just funny to think about that just

Hannah Sol Marie (21:33.592)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (21:39.566)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (21:47.718)
three and a half years ago, I was saying, yeah, when my lease is up, I’m moving to Charlotte and I’m leaving my corporate job and pursuing my own business full time. Like that’s just what’s gonna happen. And we’re gonna figure it out as we go along. And to be on my feet three years later, it’s an accomplishment. But I know looking back, I don’t know if I had stayed in the corporate world, I feel like I would have been too scared to do it later.

Hannah Sol Marie (22:00.273)
huh.

Jess Diamond (22:14.3)
If I say if I told myself to wait a little bit more, it was kind of that now or never of that poll that you were explaining. There’s a poll in my heart of I have to make this decision right now. I want to do this, take this path right now and not wait. And I’m glad I did.

Hannah Sol Marie (22:14.498)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (22:23.851)
Okay.

Hannah Sol Marie (22:28.288)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I love that story. That’s such a great example, too, of like, like you said, you figured it out as you went. You had a plan, right? But then as you went, you got to adjust. You got to figure it out. You’re kind of stumbling your way through it and you get to where you are. And I think that’s another key thing about bravery is that you can’t be seeking perfection. You can’t be seeking doing it perfect or right or any of those things because that’s

I think that’s literally the counter to bravery because a lot of like starting a business, going into a relationship, doing all of these things, like you can’t plan every little bit. You can set an intention. You can set like, Hey, this is how I’m going to the direction I’m going to move in. But so much of it is like you have to fall on your face over and over again and stand up and say, okay, recalibrate, fall on your face, recalibrate, fall on your face, recalibrate. And if you’re not willing to do that, if you were not willing to mess up over and over again,

then you’re not seeking bravery. It’s the brave thing to say, I’m going to fall on my face and I’m going to keep going. And it’s just like every little toddler out there, when you learn how to walk, you have to eat it over and over again. You have to get scraped up knees and rip up your knuckles, whatever. You got to fall a little bit. And I think that’s really such a key point to bravery is like you

you have to be willing to just mess up.

Jess Diamond (24:00.784)
that where your message of let their messy out comes from? Is that how people can express bravery? And can you elaborate on that a little more of like, just be messy?

Hannah Sol Marie (24:12.894)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I guess there is a piece of that in it for sure I think that when I say like let let their messy out and why I use the word messy so often is I think Being human is messy like, know being having relationships are messy having, you know Your job your mental health your all these things like it’s never just some clean cut thing and It’s always nuanced and a little bit complicated

And so I feel like there’s so many communities where people feel like, okay, if I’m gonna show up in this community, like religious community, for example, the community I grew up in, it’s like, if you show up to a Bible study or a church or event or something like that, you gotta show up as your best self every damn time. You gotta be saying, yeah, I’ve been praying every single day, or this is all the good things I’ve done. And like, there’s no permission for you being stumbling.

They say there is, right? But as soon as you say, okay, I’m stumbling with this or I’m struggling with this, mm-mm, mm-mm. And there’s like this line that gets drawn in the sand, right? And so I wanna be like, you’re in the in-between of your journey. You’re figuring stuff out and I still want you to feel seen, heard and loved and feel valuable right where you are because you are valuable, including all that messiness.

and all the mistakes you made and the fact that you yelled at your husband yesterday and tomorrow you’re gonna, you know, like lay in bed and not be able to get out of bed and the idea of the shower is the hardest thing ever, right? Like I still say, you’re still valuable. Like you are still a human being that has a story that, that, you know, deserves to be connected and deserves to have their voice heard. And so that’s kind of my whole thing with letting your messy out is like, yes, please come to my events and say,

I’m so anxious and I almost didn’t show up today. And also this kind of sucks, you know? And I’m like, thank you for your honesty. Like that’s your messiness right now is like this sucks for you to hop on zoom today because you didn’t know who you were hopping in with and like all this, like that’s, that’s where the, like the good juicy connection comes from. If we’re all just trying to show up perfect, we never get to connect. You’re missing each other. You’re just like here, but it’s like, if you can be

Hannah Sol Marie (26:36.332)
real. That’s when you get to connect and that’s when you get to say, okay, I you and like, my God, there’s so much freedom for me and where I’m at right now. And that’s the good stuff.

Jess Diamond (26:49.168)
Yeah, it’s that vulnerability. I know my coach even tells us like, your clients don’t come to you because you’re perfect and you have it all figured out. It’s like, they want a real person that’s going to help them figure their shit out. Maybe you’re like a couple steps ahead of them, but it’s being willing to show that side of you of, hey, I’m messing up right now.

Hannah Sol Marie (26:51.64)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (26:57.304)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (27:11.282)
and this is what it is and this is how I’m going to figure it out. And that’s what people want to see. They want to see that rawness and that authenticity and that you’re a real human because nobody is perfect. Not a single person is perfect. is that doesn’t exist. Perfection does not exist.

Hannah Sol Marie (27:11.768)
Mm-hmm

Hannah Sol Marie (27:20.578)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (27:26.41)
Mm-mm. No, it’s not a real thing at all. It’s not, it’s all just some illusion we’ve created in our mind. And we all have this like standard that we’ve decided is like the right standard. And everyone’s is maybe a little bit different, but it comes from like what our parents’ expectations were for us or our teachers or, you know, peers or whatever. And so we have these standards like, okay, I need to be this. And if I’m not this, then I’m not of value or I’m not, you know, no one’s gonna love me or no one’s gonna.

want to have a relationship with me. And I’m just like, no girl, please. Like this way, I love my podcast. So I’ve had people guess on my podcast who I’ll be like, Hey, will you come to your story? Like, I don’t have a story. just work a regular job and go home and watch TV at night. And I’m like, okay, that’s what you do. But you still have a story, right? Like you, and maybe someone else is going to listen to your episode.

hear you saying this is what I do on a regular basis and this is how I feel about it and they’re gonna be like my gosh someone out there feels just like me and That I’m like, yes, that’s the point. That’s the point right is to be like yes someone out there is living a life really similar to me or they are feeling really similar emotions to me and Like that’s why I love this I kind of wave of social media where we’re talking a lot about real things we’re sharing our open emotions and There’s a balance right you need to protect yourself. You can’t just be like

waving everything out online, but I do feel like there is a lot of this messaging that people are allowed to see you struggle and stumble and say, oh my gosh, someone feels like me, that feels so good. That feels so good to feel seen and heard. And so that’s why I think everyone’s story is so important to be shared because even if like you don’t necessarily feel like you’re gaining something from talking about it, if someone else hears it and they feel that way.

That’s that like ripple effect that how we’re all connected. We’re like, this little plant, you know, and that’s how we, we can feed each other and grow with each other. So it’s good stuff.

Jess Diamond (29:30.034)
Yeah, it’s part of the reason why I got into coaching is because I was alone in what I was experiencing. And when I was down in the dumps, I’m like, nobody can relate. I’m all alone on my own little island and this is it. This is life. It’s just me. Nobody has any clue what I’m going through. And then you get out of it, you realize like, no, we actually are all going through very similar things. I had an episode on loneliness that talks about this exact thing because the irony of feeling lonely is that

Hannah Sol Marie (29:35.938)
Mm-hmm

Hannah Sol Marie (29:39.758)
Mm-hmm. Yep.

Hannah Sol Marie (29:52.248)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (29:58.662)
you’re not talking about it. So you feel alone, but we’re all feeling the exact same loneliness. There were not, there’s not a unique situation that’s happening. There’s seven or 8 billion people on this planet. You think you’re the only one that’s going through this. So was like, became a coach to like, Hey, no, you’re seeing you’re validated. This is normal. This is part of your twenties. This is how we get through it.

Hannah Sol Marie (30:00.462)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (30:04.611)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (30:13.56)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (30:21.56)
Totally. Yeah, that’s I think the best compliment ever when I have someone come to one of my events and they’re like, yeah, I don’t feel so alone.

You know, and I think that somebody about the twenties, this is I love your podcast too. Because I think there’s something about the twenties that we have that messaging so much more where we really feel like we’re doing it all on our own. And when we’re stumbling over ourselves or we’re experiencing imposter syndrome or you know, we’re having a lot of self hatred or like insecurities in our body and our image and all of these things, like so much of that is kind of.

perpetuated by society and social media is like, well, it’s just you girl. Yeah, it’s just you feeling that way. Or you’re all, it’s all, and like, and then that little bitty voice, like I mentioned earlier, starts to say that over and over again. Oh my gosh, yeah, you’re the only one that feels this way. You’re the only one that has struggled through your twenties and doesn’t know what they want to do with their life. Or you’re the only one that hasn’t dated at all in your twenties. Or you’re the only one that’s got divorced in your twenties. Or whatever, right? Life things that happen to you.

And it’s like, that’s such a lie that your head is telling you because there’s always going to be people out there that can connect with you on that. And that’s why I feel like it’s so important to find your people and your community. And maybe it’s, you know, maybe it’s not the first group you try out or the first people you meet, but like seek it out. And the start to that, unfortunately, is the scariest part is you have to be open about your piece. If you’re like going to some

where you are hanging out with people and you’re just like, my gosh, life’s so great and I love college or I love my job or whatever and that’s all you’re doing. You’re not getting to connect at all with that person. But if you’re showing up and you’re talking about your job and you’re like, yeah, and also I have no idea if this is what I wanna do for the rest of my life. I really don’t like my job and I’m struggling. Then maybe that other person is like, my God, me too.

Hannah Sol Marie (32:24.022)
And suddenly, boom, you got those sparks, you got that connection, you got those good moments and you’re like, whoa, something’s here, right? And so it’s like, you have to start first, you have to be willing to say something first and be open, like back to what we started at the beginning, like be willing to be the one to say the scary thing.

Jess Diamond (32:42.288)
Yeah, and it’s funny because so much of our talk goes on in our head of like, do I do this? Do I do that? Am I alone here? Like, I shouldn’t say that. I need to go over here and do this. I need to look this way and present myself. And we’re creating all of it in our heads. It’s just we’re… Hold on, someone’s calling me.

Hannah Sol Marie (32:59.864)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (33:05.338)
Okay. All right. Yeah, we’re… Edit that out. But it’s ironic because if you get out of your head and into your life, you’ll start to find those connections a lot more.

Hannah Sol Marie (33:08.781)
too.

Hannah Sol Marie (33:21.044)
Mm-hmm. Totally. Yeah, one of the guests that I interviewed recently, she called that voice the itty bitty shitty committee, and I really just feel like everyone should know that.

Jess Diamond (33:31.666)
I like it. I call it like my your mind gremlins

Hannah Sol Marie (33:34.168)
This is so real.

Hannah Sol Marie (33:39.15)
Yeah, exactly, exactly. like I, yeah, or I like to think of like my mind, this is what I used to tell my clients too, like it’s a toddler is up there in your mind. And so sometimes it’s like, you know, figuring out how to walk or it’s figuring out how to handle an emotion or something. And so there’s a bunch of stuff. It’s like a toddler in an antique shop and it’s like knocking over things sometimes and it doesn’t know what it’s doing. And it’s not intentional necessarily, but sometimes making a giant mess. And so I feel like.

Jess Diamond (33:40.806)
like little monsters in your head.

Hannah Sol Marie (34:08.802)
That’s also like, doesn’t, it’s figuring out how to do all these things, you know? And like sometimes it’s not, it’s never this like easy gentle thing. It’s a bit messy.

Jess Diamond (34:19.268)
Yeah, it’s usually very messy until you can get it all organized. But where does I want to jump into one of a different part of your messaging because we talked about being messy. The other part you talk about is having fun. So where does fun come into play with living boldly or living bravely?

Hannah Sol Marie (34:23.362)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (34:29.528)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (34:33.048)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (34:39.788)
Yeah. Well, I think it’s all intertwined because again, I, so I nannied for many, many years. So a lot of how I think about how I approach the world and learning and all of that is like through the filter of children, because I think there really are such great examples and teachers of kind of like a more focused version of what we’re experiencing as adults. And so like a huge thing that you see when you are with kids that are young is as they’re trying to learn, they learn best through play.

And so when you can make something a game, that is how a kid is best able to absorb information. Like I can’t remember the exact mathematical thing, but it was like, you know, if you can tell a child something, I think it was like 70 times and then they’ll learn it. Or you can play it with them. Like, I think it was like 10 times and then they’ll learn it. And so there’s something about play that helps, helps us absorb information. And so I think that as adults, it’s that same thing. Like if we can bring play,

into things that are like scary or things that are, you know, that require bravery or us learning new things. If we can bring play into that, there’s so much more that like our body kind of settles into it and allows us to actually explore and expand and change. Because it’s hard to change as an adult. I think especially as you get older.

you start to get more settled into yourself and so it’s harder to change. And so when you can add play, I think it creates this avenue for you to change and to create new pathways and new choices in your life. And so that’s a huge thing is like, and also I just think it’s fun, right? Like laughter is great. Laughter is how we connect, right? And when you, if you’re picturing in your head like a friendship, you’re probably gonna picture like,

two people laughing together or something, right? Like that is laughter and fun and play. Like that’s like such a human experience. And so I love to laugh. I love to play. And so when, as much as I can bring that into my events and my podcast and things like that, that’s where you get that balance of like the vast experience of being a human, which is like the messiness, the difficulty, and also the play and fun and laughter and.

Hannah Sol Marie (36:53.838)
All of that together ends up being this beautiful little life present that we all get to experience. Yeah, so some of my events, I will do a theme like X’s and O’s as my next event. The theme is like, let’s talk about relationships, the good, the bad, and the what the fuck. Because I feel like that’s a fun thing. It makes you go fun. It’s a little bit like.

Zinger, right? But then you hop in and all of a sudden you’re like telling your whole life story to someone accidentally. But it started through play, it started through laughter, it started through little bit of like, you know, having fun with it and then it allowed you to go deeper. And so that’s such a key value of mine.

Jess Diamond (37:38.672)
that I have two stories. One is that plays off of all this play and having fun with life is I just did an improv class and it was six weeks and I went into it with just I just wanted to do something that I didn’t have to be so serious with and it taught me some life skills. It’s good for public speaking. There was some benefits to it, but I really just went into it for the unserious part of it and

Hannah Sol Marie (37:50.702)
Hell yeah.

Hannah Sol Marie (37:56.206)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (38:06.04)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (38:06.842)
We all talked about, we all reflected on that final class of how good it was to just laugh. And it was that belly laughter. Like I felt every bathroom break we were given, I would go pee because I was so afraid I was going to pee my pants if I didn’t do that. Like, over so many times I would stand, my legs crossed because I was just laughing so hard and I was like, don’t pee your pants.

Hannah Sol Marie (38:25.07)
That’s so awesome.

Hannah Sol Marie (38:33.166)
That’s so good.

Jess Diamond (38:34.886)
But it’s such a healthy experience. And I encourage everyone to go take an improv class because you are, you’re going to get out of your comfort zone. It’s going to, it’s going to be a little scary at first, but you’re just going to start laughing and it’s going to feel really good. And you’re going to leave with your cheeks hurting because you were smiling so much the whole time. So that was one part of my story. The other part, it doesn’t necessarily play into being brave, but

Hannah Sol Marie (38:38.776)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (38:51.299)
Yeah.

Hannah Sol Marie (38:56.078)
It’s so good.

Jess Diamond (39:03.95)
It does play into getting, being too far into your head and overthinking. And I feel like that takes away from that sense of bravery. This example has nothing to do with that, but it does have to do with overthinking. And it was, I was with one of my personal training clients and he was, we were working on form and he was overthinking how to just stand. like he would start squatting and arching his back and like doing something really, and I’m like,

Hannah Sol Marie (39:08.216)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (39:31.758)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (39:33.336)
What are you doing? He’s like, I’m standing. And I was like, you’re not standing. And I had him drop the equipment we were using safely. And I was like, just throw your arms around, like wiggle your body, do everything, get your jitters out, get out of your head. And he was resistant to it at first, because I looked like a fool. We were in the middle of the gym floor. And I know that is a scary place for a lot of people. He’s been my client for over a year. But I was like, just wiggle your body out, wiggle it out. And I was like, you

Hannah Sol Marie (39:42.072)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (39:50.882)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Hannah Sol Marie (39:56.674)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (40:02.182)
go, you need to do it. And he was so, so against it. And I was like, just do it. You need to get out of your head. It’s not working. You’re overthinking, just standing up. So move your body around, have a little bit of fun, wiggle it all out. And then we were able to stand normally because now he wasn’t so far in his head and doing this really weird body position that I don’t even know where it came from.

Hannah Sol Marie (40:03.725)
Yeah.

Hannah Sol Marie (40:07.565)
Hannah Sol Marie (40:22.467)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (40:28.578)
That’s so funny. That’s so good though, because your right play is, that’s such a good point of play. Like it really does get you out of your head. Like I don’t know if you’ve seen these, I’ve never done them, but the like laughter yoga.

Jess Diamond (40:41.804)
no, I’ve never seen those.

Hannah Sol Marie (40:42.862)
No? Oh, okay, they’re absolutely ridiculous. But it’s like such a good idea. feel like why it works is because it’s really just incorporating play and like embracing ridiculousness where it’s just people start fake laughing in a group. Everyone starts fake laughing together. She’s like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And you’re supposed to like get louder and louder this fake laughing, right? But what ends up happening is literally everyone in the group starts like

hysterically laughing genuinely and then they can’t like it becomes this thing because then it also feeds into each other everyone else is laughing ridiculously around you and I think that that’s that’s so fun is when you can when you can do things that make you look a little funny but you just embrace it and have a little fun like I think that is a great example of how it gets you out of your head and allows you to to just be present be in the moment.

Jess Diamond (41:35.824)
Yeah. Do you have any advice for someone listening who maybe feels stuck in their life or they feel like they want more, they want to take a scary step, but they’re afraid of embracing that change?

Hannah Sol Marie (41:49.994)
Mm-hmm. I think like the two key things Is it all comes back to relationships a first relationship with yourself? Second relationship with others so kind of what we were talking about earlier, but I think so first is coming into you so a lot of times when we feel really stuck it’s because At least for me the world feels really vast choices feel really overwhelming You kind of don’t know where to even start or go and so I think the number one thing is if

you can start to figure out what you want. So what, obviously you’re, most of the time, if you ask people like, what do you not want? They’re going to have like a long list of things. Okay. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to have a crappy relationship. I don’t want to work a corporate job. They have a long list of things they don’t want. And then you’re like, okay, but what do you want? Well, I don’t want, no, no, no. What do you want? And so I think that’s something that we don’t maybe give ourselves space for is like just

the simple question of what do I want? And so something I always like to start with is something really silly and small. So again, playing and that is with like, what do you want for breakfast? And like, don’t just get up and eat what you eat every day or don’t just skip breakfast and drink your cup of coffee like you do every day. But like actually sit there and stop for a second. What do I want? Maybe you try something and you’re like, well, that’s not for me. I didn’t really like oatmeal this morning. Or maybe you, you know, try like,

bacon and eggs and you’re like, yeah, I didn’t really feel great afterwards. And so it becomes this like discovering of who you are and what you want. And I feel like if you can practice with those small things, then it allows you to step into them when they’re bigger because you can’t, you can’t have the life you want by running from what you don’t. You have to be able to have a direction that you want to move. What do you want? Cause you can run all day from what you don’t want, but you’re just going to run in random circles.

So choosing and picking what you want, I think is really important. And then the second thing is to reach out and ask for help. It’s just like what we were talking about before. So much of feeling stuck is feeling like you’re alone in it. It’s feeling like you don’t have any other option. You don’t have anyone that can support you. And sometimes it’s maybe because people in your life aren’t supportive, but also a lot of times we’re not really giving them space to be supportive. We’re not giving them an opportunity to do so.

Hannah Sol Marie (44:12.942)
that takes vulnerability to say, can you come over tonight? I’m having a hard night and I just want to have someone to talk to. That’s scary because they could say no. They could say, what? Ew. Right? Like then that’s what the mind is thinking. Oh my gosh, they’re going to say, ew, why are they calling me and saying, come over? And so they can cry on my shoulder. Or maybe they’re going to say, oh my God, yeah, of course. And show up and be there for you. And you have this moment and maybe like,

they’re going to have permission then to call you up on another night when they’re having a hard time. And so I think that’s really key is, is being willing to ask for help and give people opportunities show up for you. And sometimes that can be really hard. think a lot of us feel like we’re a burden if we ask for that, that we’re an issue or that we’re being difficult. And, I think you’re completely missing the point because a lot of times those people that feel like they’re a burden also love to give to others.

And so they’re like, yes, I love, I will provide all day. But if I ask for help, I’m a burden. And it’s like, no, you’re, it is a gift to give. It is a gift to show up for someone. That is one of the most fulfilling things in life when you can be there for someone. And so don’t take that away from them. So that’s my two things is like one, investigating yourself. What do you want? What do you need? Second, reaching out to those in your life, even if you’re not really even sure if you’re at that point, maybe you’ve only had coffee twice.

you know, you’re not that close and you’re like, who am I to ask them for help? Try, just do it, just try. It’s like, hey, can we meet it for coffee? I really need to get something off my chest and I don’t know who to ask. Be open. And like people are surprisingly receptive. People are better than I think we give them credit for in general.

Jess Diamond (45:56.53)
I I think on the topic of asking for help is accepting help when it’s being offered because that also feels very difficult. I think a lot of us get in our head, very commonplace to be, and we think, oh, they don’t actually mean it. They’re just being nice. I don’t want them to have to go out of their way for me. They don’t mean that. They were just kidding. That’s not it. And leaning into that

Hannah Sol Marie (46:04.704)
Yes.

Hannah Sol Marie (46:08.898)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (46:13.164)
Yes, it is.

Hannah Sol Marie (46:22.786)
Yeah.

Jess Diamond (46:26.116)
acceptance of, yes, I will take you up on that offer, that hand you’re extending out for me to grab on to because I do need that help right now. Using my flu as an example is like, I texted my friend that I had 103.4 fever and she’s like, I can come over and bring Gatorade and DayQuil and things and it was very difficult for me to say, okay, yes, please do. Like, please bring me medicine, I am bedridden. And

Hannah Sol Marie (46:34.465)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (46:50.508)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (46:54.948)
It even goes back to the start of my friendship with her is that I was dealing with some community, lack of community in my life, and I was realizing it was showing up in different ways that I hadn’t seen before. And she had talked to me about it. It was right after we had both done a speaking event. And she goes, do you have a better sense of your community now? She knew that was something that was bothering me over the preceding months. And I said, I do, but I would.

loved if my friends that didn’t even come to the event to text me or to want to celebrate over having dinner with me tonight. And she goes, she was like, why don’t I don’t have dinner plans tonight. And I was like, yeah, me neither. And then we’re just like, still walking side by side. She pauses and she was just, do you want to go get dinner tonight? And I was like, you know what? Yes, yes, I do. And I would I say to this day, like that dinner was the start of our

friendship that we have today because we actually had to have we got to have conversations and we got to go a little deeper get to know each other a little better but it took her reaching out to me and for me to have to say yes in return and not get in my head of thinking no she doesn’t mean it she doesn’t actually want to get dinner with me that was that’s just a spoof so it is it’s that it’s the asking for help when you need it but it’s also the accepting the help when it gets offered

Hannah Sol Marie (47:54.69)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (47:59.649)
Mm-hmm.

Hannah Sol Marie (48:13.55)
Thank you.

100%. That’s the hardest part, I think, is the receiving of it without feeling like you owe them or that, you know, you’re like, like I said earlier, like you’re burden to them or that, you know, feeling guilt or any of those things that I think a lot of us, especially women, for some reason, it’s so hard for us to receive help and ask for things. That’s why it’s a really good practice. I think it’s like the feminine and masculine is asking men for help specifically.

And this is why, because men love to help. They do. I really have this strong, they love it, but they really love when they’re asked for help. And so that’s such a good practice too. think it also heals a lot of things that we have against like, you know, maybe our relationship with men and, like their expectations and all of these like convoluted messy things. And so, um, when I feel like I’m struggling, I really like to ask my husband for help and I don’t just ask him for like, Hey, can I have a hug?

Now I’m like, can I have two hours of dedicated time where you run me a bath and you light a candle and you sit in the toilet and you talk to me and we play nice music? Like I’m super specific about it. And he’s like, absolutely seven o’clock. But if I were to just be like, man, I’m having a really hard day, he’d be like, aw babe, that sucks. But if I’m like, hey, can we do exactly this? He’s like, let me make it happen for you. And so like, or even asking your brothers or like,

other men, feel like that’s like such a good practice of like the masculine and feminine of receiving and providing good stuff.

Jess Diamond (49:57.698)
I it. I’ll have to pocket that one for a later date. But I do have one final question for you. And that is, why should someone want to be brave? Or in other words, like what happens if they choose to not be versus choose to be?

Hannah Sol Marie (50:01.315)
Yeah.

Hannah Sol Marie (50:15.39)
I think I love that you’re asking me this because I ask everybody on my podcast this question. and so it’s so cool that I get to answer it. I think bravery is something that if you’re not choosing to be brave, then you’re really missing out on so much of what it is to live your life. You’re missing out on your potential and your, your

Jess Diamond (50:22.546)
It’s funny.

Hannah Sol Marie (50:39.822)
all the joy you could be experiencing, all the connections you could be experiencing, like all the things that you want are on the other side of bravery. So if you’re like, want change, I want this, I want that. If you just look at it, the core of it is so much of it is on the other side of bravery, if you’re willing to make the hard choice. And so if you cower behind that and you decide not to make the brave choice, you’re gonna end up probably living a life that you don’t love.

And so I really feel, and like I said, like we’ve been saying the whole time, bravery looks different for everyone. So maybe for you, that’s taking a shower. That’s like such a good example for me because I feel like sometimes on those days, taking a shower is really fucking hard, you know? And sometimes that is the brave choice. And so I think that even if you can do those little things, you’re also teaching your brain and your body that you want to do what’s best for it, that you’re taking care of it and that builds trust, that builds safety.

And so you can continue to show up for yourself. And so it’s really at the core of living a life that feels good to you.

Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (51:47.058)
Well, thank you, Hannah, so much for coming on How to 20-something. Where can people find you if they want to be in touch, if they want to join the Brave Bitches community, or if they just want to follow your story?

Hannah Sol Marie (51:58.936)
For sure. I’m basically HannahSoulMarie everywhere. So my website is hannahsoulmarie.com slash brave bitches. I’m on Instagram as hannahsoulmarie, YouTube dot com slash at hannahsoulmarie. So if you just look up my name or you look up brave bitches, you’re probably going to find something on there. So yeah, I would love to connect. If you are listening to this and you resonated with anything, please shoot me a message. I love connecting with people. I would love to be your friend.

Jess Diamond (52:26.076)
Yes, and all of her information will be linked in the show notes so you guys can access it literally right now. Go check her out. Otherwise, this does conclude another episode of how to 20 something. If you liked what you heard if you’re feeling a bit more brave or are ready to channel your inner bravery and take action in your life. If you know someone who needs to do the same, then please share this episode, send it to a friend, share it on social media, give me a five star rating.

do something to help me expand my outreach so all of us 20-somethings can live a bit more bravely. And as always, I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode.