What’s the point?

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today’s episode was actually both a recommendation from one of you and a topic I’ve been uncovering with a client of mine

So here’s your reminder, if you want me to do a deep dive on a particular topic, category, subject, question, or whatever you want to call it, then you can always head to the show notes to submit something and i’ll happily make an episode around it!

But today’s topic of conversation is centered around the question ‘what’s the point’

If you’ve ever felt like you’re the only one asking yourself this, you’re not. Everyone — even the people who seem like they have it all figured out — hit these ‘what’s the point’ moments. They just don’t always say it out loud.

For my client, his what’s the point was in regards to going to college

Maybe for you it’s about having a full-time job, dating, or your life in general

I think it’s fair to say that we all come to different crossroads and realizations at several parts of our lives that has us questioning what we’re even doing

And more importantly, why

Why are we doing the things we’re doing

Who is it for, why does it matter, what’s the bigger picture

It’s so easy to get caught up in the mundane of your day to day and then all of a sudden you get this wake up call of what the hell am I doing

So today’s episode is to help you better understand your own point, why this kind of self doubt and self reflection occurs, and why it happens

To begin, finding your point and your purpose definitely go hand in hand, but I would say finding your point can be on smaller, far less daunting scale than figuring out your life’s purpose

For example, sometimes you’re thinking what’s the point of going to this 30 minute meeting every Tuesday and other times you’re thinking is my 9-5 all that my life has to offer and other times it’s after a breakup and you don’t see the point in trying again… what’s the point in putting your heart on the line if it’s just going to get broken again

All of them are valid, all of them are relevant

Questioning a meeting is a mere annoyance

Questioning your existence can lead you into a spiral of questioning anything and everything you’re doing

But they both leave you with an empty answer to the what’s the point question

But overall, you reach this moment of what’s the point when you’re bored or burnt out and/or when you are going through a transition like a breakup, graduation, career change, friend groups, moving

When you’re bored or burnt out, you’re exhausted, you’re at your wits end and you’re left thinking why am I doing this to myself

For my client, he was burnt out from his school work towards the end of his freshman year and didn’t want to keep staying in this state of stress and overwhelm 

He didn’t love what he was studying and didn’t know why he needed to keep going to school because he couldn’t see where it would lead to next

He was someone who needed to constantly set goals to work towards otherwise he loses focus and reaches his what’s the point part of his journey

At first, I worked to help him see that college isn’t only for getting a degree

That you can go to school for something and your career turns into something entirely different, but the life lessons, the low risk independence, and the networking that happens within the four years of college are also important 

We also worked on getting him excited to take the classes he needs to by researching jobs in the industry he can look forward to

Now he has his point, he knows why he’s attending college

When you don’t know the point behind doing something, you then need to figure out the answer to two very important questions

Why are you doing this and who are you doing this for

When someone first steps into a coaching partnership with me we set up goals and then I ask them what their mofa is and mofa stands for motivating factor

Which is basically me asking them why are you doing this, why are these goals important for you to achieve, what’s in it for you

Are you showing up for yourself because your parents expect you to, because society has sold this dream to you, or are you doing the work now so future you can be set up for success, so you can get out of this period of struggle?

You have to decide who you’re doing this for and why it’s important for you to come out on the other side winning

Regardless, you need to be showing up for you or for some part of your life

My friend Jacko, who gave this episode idea, told me that sometimes when he doesn’t know why he’s showing up for work day in and day out he pauses and asks himself who is he doing this for

He absolutely loves his fiance and for him he continues to work so he can provide a good life for his fiance 

Now, I don’t personally recommend showing up for someone else or working towards something for someone else because you need to have your own reward system and your own skin in the game

And that can range from doing something that makes you feel good, that lights up you, that pays your bills so you can do other things you really like to do, to be able to travel, live alone, eat at your favorite restaurant, have no aches and pains, feel loved

The bottom line is you get decide your point, you hold the power

Which also means that if you don’t like your point, you get to change it

Keep asking yourself I’m doing x so that y can happen until you come to an answer you are happy with 

Like with my client, he’s going to college to get a degree and work in a job that fascinates him with collecting data that shapes the geography of the surrounding areas

Your point can also be to serve as a bridge to get you to where you really want to go

To which I’ll bring in my mental motto of it’s not forever, it’s for now

Like when I was working my corporate job and I knew that in a few months I was quitting, moving to Charlotte, and pursuing my own business 

What I was doing in the my day to day was to help me save money and work on my business outside of work hours to make the transition to the self employed world easier

And I became self employed because of the way it lights up my soul when I do the work I’m meant to be doing

My point is to currently help twenty-somethings find their point, but two years from now that could be different and that’s okay

Your point will continue to change, and will carry different weight depending on what it is and what season of life you’re in

But knowing that you have the power to change the why behind why you’re doing what you’re doing is what will help you stay grounded in your own values and feel like you are living your life for yourself

Rather than spiraling into the world of nothingness

Because if nothing feels worth it or you find that there is no point you can create for yourself then you need to take action in that area of your life and change things up to help you find that point and direction

There’s always a reason to be doing something, it’s asking yourself if that reason is heavy enough or important enough for you

And the point you’re trying to define doesn’t have to be some massive noble thing

It doesn’t need to be to cure cancer or solve world hunger

It can literally be to afford a vacation once or twice a year

It’s what you have deemed to be worth it to create more of in your life

More friends, more love, more muscle, more opportunities, more time

Answering your own version of what’s the point is being able to reframe something that you think is a waste of time or feels like a waste of time in this particular moment or season into giving it a reason 

And recognizing that why you’re showing up is going to be different than why a coworker, friend, family member, other person is showing up

For example, you could both be showing up to the gym but you’re there to fight some demons and your friend is there because they’re insecure about their biceps 

Which brings me to my final point and that is sometimes your point is short term, it’s just that day or that hour, and other times it’s long term like building a life that gives you time and financial freedom

What matters is that you don’t lock yourself into thinking that your point is permanent, it’s going to change as you change and as circumstances change

It’s what keeps you on your toes and makes life interesting

So as I move into wrapping up this episode, there are 3 questions I want you to ask yourself this week.. And please know that I don’t want you to save these questions for when you’ve reached your dreaded, yet inevitable, what’s the point moment

Answer them for yourself now or over the next few days and they are

1. Where in my life am I asking, what’s the point?
2. Do I know my why?
3. Does my point feel good to me? If it doesn’t, how can I reframe it or change it until it does?

And if you care to share your answers with me, then I’d love to hear from you just send an email to coach.jessdiamond@gmail.com

But I hope this episode opens your eyes to what your point is, because losing your point means you’re not following your path, but rather a path someone else built for you

I won’t go as far to say that everything has a point to it because somethings are totally pointless and time killers.. But I will say most things have a point

It’s possible and extremely important for you to find you yours

And on that note, this does conclude another episode of how to twenty-something, if you liked what you heard, if this episode helped you define your point, or if you know someone who has thoughts like what the fuck am I doing with my life or why am I doing this or the exact what’s the point thought, then please share this episode, send it to that friend post it on social media

Help me help the other twenty-somethings in this world navigating the most confusing decade of their lives

And as always I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode