What it really means to Own Your Life

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You’re listening to how to twenty something, the best podcast that helps both men and women navigate their twenties and learn how to “adult” across all aspects of their lives

We’re going to focus on career, relationships, finances, fitness, nutrition, and all of the common challenges and obstacles a typical twenty something will face in this post-college life

I’m your host, Jess Diamond, and I am the CEO and founder of Jess Diamond Coaching where I help young professionals get their shit together, gain their confidence, and own their life

No one prepares you for this adulting world so allow me to help you feel like you are no longer a chicken running around with its head cut off, and that you actually know what the hell is going on and what your next step to take is

Welcome to How To Twenty Something

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Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today’s episode is to talk to you about owning your life

I talked about it a few episodes ago with signs it’s time to work with a coach, but the saying own your life is the name of my signature coaching program that I take my 1:1 clients through

And it’s rooted in 6 pillars: create, consistency, control, connect, communicate, and confidence

So if you want a refresher on what that system was you can always go back to episode 164 and give it a listen

Because today I wanted to take a moment and break down what does owning your life actually look like and how did I come up with this phrase for my signature system

It’s knowing how you can judge for yourself if you are in fact owning what you’re doing, who you are, and where you’re going 

The title of my system derived from how I felt I was living my life with the decision to leave corporate and pursue my own business

I lived the first I’d say 23 years of my life with the good girl mentality

Doing what I was supposed to be doing

I was an A student, top ten in my class, I played several different sports, I was in clubs and organizations, I studied hard, did my homework, babysat and had some other odd jobs along the way like birthday party entertainment, camp counselor, and working the books of a bakery

Went to college where again I was top of my class and was even one of two people to receive an award for highest gpa, I was in a sorority, I worked out

I did all the things I was supposed to do, so when it came time to graduate college, I knew what was next… get a full time job

That’s what my sister did before me, my mom, aunts and uncles, grandfather, friends, cousins.. Everyone all around me

Did well in school and got a job

So when I was the only one of my circle without a job the entire summer after graduating from college, I felt like a failure for the first time ever

And looking back that was my first moment of questioning the status quo

And was actually when I thought about getting my personal training certification but my boyfriend at the time told me it would be a waste of time and money

I listened

Finally was able to land a job that would begin mid August 

And after that first week of working I was once again hit with questioning the status quo

That there was no way I spent the last 22 years of my life for this to be the next 40+

But again, I resisted my own thoughts.. Did what I was supposed to do

Partly because I didn’t know what my options were and partly because I didn’t know you could even have options

Which sounds kind of silly because of course you have options, everyone has options, you’re just blind to what those could even remotely be when you’re only 22 years old

I also never heard anyone voice the thoughts that were coming up for me, so I figured I just needed to suck it up and do what I was supposed to do, afterall, that’s what I had been doing throughout my life already

Fast forward to seven months later and the world shut down due to the pandemic and was furloughed from my job for one month at first and then indefinitely after that one month passed

And once again I was left with no choice but to question the status quo.. That this is not what my life is supposed to be like

And I was finally willing to do something about it

I was through with letting life just happen to me and was ready to build my life into what I want it to be

And in that moment that looked like pursuing my personal training certification

Not with any intention to leave my full-time job, but rather to advance my own fitness knowledge and present me with options for my career

I did it with the mentality of let’s see where this goes

And that was the very first moment where I began to own my life

I didn’t ask for anyone’s opinion on obtaining this certification.. Definitely not my then boyfriends opinion since he shot it down a year prior

I was doing this for me, no permission required

I had money saved up to afford it, and loads of time on my hands, so I figured why not just do it

And from that point on I leaned into what felt right

Like inquiring about a facebook ad for an outdoor fitness bootcamp

I didn’t say yes to these different things because I knew exactly where they were going to lead me, I was saying yes because it’s what felt right for my life

Because owning your life does not mean having everything figured out

Own your life is taking action and moving in a direction that aligns with your values, interests, and lifestyle

I’d like to think I’m pretty advanced for my age by being someone who understood this at 23 years old and spending the next two years taking actions that would allow me to leave my full-time job on my 25th birthday

And now i help other twenty and thirty somethings do so for themselves

Which for a lot of my clients that starts with breaking down the expectations their parents and society imposed on them in the first place

I tell people all the time how impossible it is to have your entire life figured out, so when I say I help people figure their life out I mean I help them know what they’re working towards right now

Their next career move, the business they want to be able to eventually do full-time, their relationships and how they show up in them

Not based on what they think they’re supposed to do, but what they know they want for themselves and the life they are living into, regardless of what society or your parents have to say about it

It’s ignoring the boxes that determine your success and learn to create your own boxes based on your definition of success

And then shifting from being in the passenger seat letting your life pass you by and being in the drivers seat and fully in control of what you’re doing, how you’re spending your time, and the direction you want to go

And that distinction shows up in small ways every single day

It shows up in how you make decisions, whether you are making them from a place of intention or a place of fear or default

It shows up in how you respond when things go wrong, whether you immediately look for who or what to blame or whether you ask yourself what can I do about this

It shows up in whether you have any idea what you are actually working toward or whether you are just moving through the motions hoping something eventually clicks

My personal training led me to coaching

Where I became a coach originally to help fund my personal training dream and thought helping people with their mindset and habits around their health was an added bonus for a revenue stream that went pretty well with working out

And one thing led to another and coaching became my true love and top passion

I get asked a couple of different things all the time: how did I find my passion and I did I take the leap of faith and leave the stability of the corporate world for the instability of the entrepreneurial world

And I respond with I found my passion on accident and I got to a point where doing anything besides coaching and training felt miserable

I felt like I no longer had a choice, but rather was on a mission to seek this thing out or go bankrupt trying

Luckily, I did not go bankrupt

But both of those questions: how I found my passion and how I left my job stem from owning my life and walking the walk that I talk

So how can you tell for yourself if you are owning your life?

Well, for one it’s acknowledging that owning your life applies to every aspect, every decision, and at any given moment

Your decisions are based on what you want

Not based on what you’re told to want

Not what your parents want for you, not what your friends are doing, not what looks good on paper or makes sense on the outside

It’s making moves towards what you want even if it makes absolutely no sense to the people around you

And not in a reckless kind of way

But knowing you have a clear enough vision based on your own values and dreams and desires that you are able to filter out the naysayers and other opinions and decide what actually applies to you

Owning your life is also taking responsibility for what happens in your life

Because you are the common denominator among all of the decisions and choices you make

It’s very easy to blame your circumstances, your upbringing, the economy, your partner, and everyone and everything else

And sometimes those things genuinely did make things harder for you and that is valid

But when you shift into embracing those difficulties and doing something about it, then you begin to own your life and everything that happens in it

The good, the bad, and the ugly parts

It stems from a place of control.. The fourth pillar in my own your life system

It’s reaching a point in your life where you no longer wait for things to change or for life to happen to you

And take action no matter what

Another way to own your life is by showing up consistently even when you don’t feel like it

It’s having a foundational routine and systems that keep you moving forward even when you have no motivation to do so

Because motivation is fleeting feeling that traps a lot of people in the waiting game

“Oh i’ll do it once my motivation comes back”

Yeah that sentence doesn’t fly when you own your life

It’s recognizing you have no motivation but have enough mental fortitude to keep on keeping on

Like going to the gym, eating healthy, connecting with new people, have a hard conversation with someone important to you

All the things that require grit and work when doing the opposite feels so much easier 

You own your life when things go wrong and instead of spiraling you get curious about what you could have done differently, what lessons you want to take from this, and what you’re going to do to try to turn things around

Instead of feeding your special exception narrative that nothing ever works out for you, this always happens to you, the universe is out to get you

You own your life when your life feels like yours

When you look around and see what you built yourself.. The community, the work, the choices

Even when it still looks a bit messy

You can recognize that it’s yours

Not your moms, not society’s, and not 22 year old you with a five year plan 

You know what you’re working towards and are no longer looking around for someone else to give you the green light

That’s owning your life

And here’s what I want to leave you with

Striving to be someone who owns their life, does not mean there is a destination you arrive at that signifies you got there

It’s not landing the dream job, signing your first client, or hitting any other milestone you set out for yourself

It’s an ongoing process

It’s deciding to show up every single day for the life you want instead of the life laid out for you

You’ll be able to recognize it for yourself when you take a step back and listen to whispers that float into your ears every now and then telling you to go after that big scary, maybe even seemingly unrealistic dream

But there is this deeper knowing somewhere inside of you that is telling you to go for it anyways

Something in you is telling you to make a shift and you need to go on the hunt to figure out what that is and how you’re going to make it happen

All you have to do is be ready to own your life

And if you don’t know what that looks like for you or how to do it or knowing your brain is going to simultaneously tell you to go for it and talk you out of it, then know that that is what I’m here for

You just need to click the let’s chat link in the show notes so we can get to talking about how you can own your life 

So on that note, this does conclude another episode of how to twenty-something

If you liked what you heard, learned something new, or know someone who could benefit from listening to me yap into this microphone then please share this episode

Send it to a friend, share it on social media, give me a 5 star rating just please do something that helps me reach all of the twenty somethings navigating the most confusing decade of their life

And as always, i can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode