Why quality matters over quantity

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You’re listening to how to twenty something, the best podcast that helps both men and women navigate their twenties and learn how to “adult” across all aspects of their lives

We’re going to focus on career, relationships, finances, fitness, nutrition, and all of the common challenges and obstacles a typical twenty something will face in this post-college life

I’m your host, Jess Diamond, and I am the CEO and founder of Jess Diamond Coaching where I help young professionals get their shit together, gain their confidence, and own their life

No one prepares you for this adulting world so allow me to help you feel like you are no longer a chicken running around with its head cut off, and that you actually know what the hell is going on and what your next step to take is

Welcome to How To Twenty Something

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Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today’s topic is on the importance of quality over quantity

This is in terms of dating, making friends, finding a job, and finding clients

You see, I’ve been told by my business coach that I have a numbers problem

I’m not getting in front of enough people to generate more clients for my business

And you’ve probably been told that too where you’re not applying to enough jobs or going on enough dates or enough events and that it’s all a numbers game

And while I do agree that part of it is quantity, I think you go much further with much better results when you focus on the quality of the interactions you’re having or work you’re doing

I think i mentioned this on an episode not too long ago, where I’ve been trying to focus my efforts at networking events with deepening my relationships rather trying to meet new people

Coming into the event with some kind of follow up on how someone is doing based on what I know is going on their life

Either because they told me during our last exchange or because i saw it on insta or linkedin

Sure it takes some memory and a little more effort, and a guess that they’ll be at this event but the other person feels seen and that’s so important when it comes to developing relationships with people

I have this mentality that I will find better quality clients, as in they are a better fit for the work I do and the personalities I attract, when I work to get to know the person or mutual connection rather than just telling everyone in the room I work with college kids and twenty-somethings when we go around one by one introducing ourselves 

Because yes, in that situation I’m getting a lot of breadth but with zero depth so it goes nowhere 

So here’s how this same mentality applies to you across your dating life, friend life, and career life

When it comes to dating, you’re going to have way better first dates when you narrow your focus rather than constantly swiping right or left

And I know I know, you’re thinking ‘okay jess but how do i do that because the dating world is awful and meeting people in real life feels impossible’

Trust me, I get it, I was in the trenches for 3.5 years there, I’ve been on the dating apps off and on 

So you don’t have to delete the apps and only focus on going to new places to try to meet new people

But what you should do is invest more time on fewer people that you do match with

Where instead of matching with 15 people and having the same conversation 15 times that don’t usually go anywhere, try focusing on the first 5 people you match with

Think of better questions, really try to get to know them and if one by one they don’t work out then one by one add someone new into the mix

That way when it comes to the date itself, if it reaches that point, you’re also not doing the mind juggle of who did you tell what to and what do you actually remember about this person

Now, does this take longer? Yes.

Will you probably end up matching with 15 different people before you get one good viable option, also yes

But the quality of that first date, when it inevitably comes, will be so much better

Because dating apps or even living in a city will trick your brain into thinking the options are endless, that it is all a numbers game

And what happens when you have this endless supply is you never get to know the person in front of you 

You very easily write them off at the first sign of a red flag or incompatibility without giving them a chance to redeem themselves 

You don’t like this person?

Unmatch

You don’t like their answer?

Move on

They took too long to respond?

There’s another person waiting in your queue

And if you’re constantly looking for the next person then you’re never going to invest the proper amount of time that it takes to actually get to know this person, right here 

Which is the quality side of this quantity versus quantity dilemma 

Swiping more tricks you into believing that you’re doing more, weeding through the bad so you eventually get to the good

Or going on more first dates leaves you feeling like you’re actually doing something about your dating life

But then with every dead end first date, you’re left feeling defeated 

You look at your calendar and see it filled with one off conversations wondering why it doesn’t lead to anything more

And it’s the exact same thing when it comes to your friendships

You go to several one off events, have small talk with nearly everyone in the room and leave that event with no new friends

But what if you went into that event with the goal of really getting to know one or two people

Come up with interesting questions like what’s something exciting happening in your life

Or what are you looking forward to the most about (insert upcoming season) I mean at the time of this episode airing, it would be about halloween or thanksgiving

Something I really need to remind myself of, and I know this tactic does not apply to a majority of you unless you also have a podcast, is going into new interactions pretending they are a guest on my podcast

When I’m interviewing a guest my focus is completely on them, trying to get to know them, really listening for their answers so I could ask good follow up conversations and keep the flow of the episode going

Now, it definitely helps that I already know this guest well enough to have curated questions specific to them and their expertise

But I would say the mentality still holds true when it comes to talking to someone

People want to feel seen and special

And the more you try to get to know someone the deeper your relationship will become as long as they are also trying to get to know you

So you go from knowing a ton of people in your city to having close friendships

It’s shifting your mentality from how can I meet more people to how can I get to know the people I’ve already met 

Follow up with them

Ask them how something went that they told you about 

Invite them to coffee or for a walk

And that’s also what I’m going to tell you when it comes to your career

Yes there is absolutely a quantity component when it comes to your job search

But I would rather you have 5 really good conversations with people in the industry you’re actually interested in than send 100 random LinkedIn requests to people you’ve never spoken to and have absolutely no reason to connect with.

It’s the same thing when you’re applying to actual jobs

Sending in 10 applications where you’ve actually researched the company, tailored your resume, found someone you know who works there, reached out to the hiring manager or recruiter, and followed up

Versus 100 applications where you clicked easy apply, moved on and forgot you even applied to those companies 

Quality gives you depth, it takes a lot more time, BUT it ensures you’re making the right choice in your job, who you date, and the friends you make

Quantity gives you a lot of surface level interactions that can definitely give you the chance of going more in depth, but quality gives you intentionality 

And that’s the most distinguishing factor between the two

I know when I go to a networking event I feel a lot more accomplished when I walk away with plans to meet someone 1:1 or had a really good conversation there than when I walk away with 30 business cards

Because you and I both know that those business cards enter the pile of other business cards, never to see the light of day again

Honestly, if you hand me your business card without having a conversation with me first or I didn’t directly ask you for one, it’s going to end up in the trash when I get home

That’s how much connection matters here

It’s easy to tell yourself you accomplished something when you put a number value to it

Go to x number of events, apply to x number of jobs, send x number of linkedin requests, go on x number of dates

It’s why I help my clients switch their job search mentality from x number of job applications to time spent searching

Time spent searching means you could’ve spent 5 hours of your week researching a company, the people in it, trying to get in contact with anyone who works there, and an application because by the time you submit your application you know for a fact you would want to work there

And that can get really frustrating because you spent 5 hours and only have 1 job to show for it

But quality requires you to trust that what you’re doing is going to compound over time

Quantity is giving you more numbers in real time where you don’t have to wait for the compounding effect

Quality looks like having one really good conversation with someone who know someone who knows someone who introduces you to the person you need the most

You need to stop trying to do more when you haven’t done anything with what you currently have

Like how you don’t need to attend another networking event when you haven’t reached out to single person from the last one

Sure sometimes the answer is more, but for the sake fo this episode, I want you to focus on the answer being deeper

Because you can have a lot of friends and still feel lonely

You can go on a lot of dates and still feel like you’re not meeting anyone

You can have a ton of connections on LinkedIn and still not know anyone who could actually help you get the job that you want

You can have a calendar packed with events and still feel like you’re not doing anything meaningful

It’s what you do about the people you’re meeting that matters

So i guess what it all really boils down to is put yourself out there but before you continue to put yourself out there and turn things into a numbers game, focus on how you can get to know the people you are meeting

It’s giving yourself the opportunities and then doing something with them

Because quantity without quality just leaves you with a bunch of stuff 

And that starts with shifting the question you’re asking yourself from how can I do more to how can I do this better

How can I have a better conversation with the person I’m already talking to?

How can I follow up with the person I met last week?

How can I make this application stronger instead of just sending five more?

How can I actually get to know this person instead of swiping for another hour?

How can I turn this acquaintance into an actual friend?

It’s slowing down the actions you’re taking so they take on more depth

Putting in effort and intentionality over checking off another box

So yes, go to the event

Send the application

Go on the date

Meet new people

Put yourself out there

But when you’re there, slow down enough to actually be there

And if you need help with staying in the room then stay tuned for an episode coming out in a few weeks where i talk about how showing up isn’t the hardest part, staying is

Because quantity might get you in the room

But quality is what makes the room worth it.

And that is how i’m going to end this episode of how to twenty-something so if you liked what you heard, learned something new or know someone who needs to hear this episode or podcast

Then please share it, post it on social media, send it to a friend, give me a five star rating

Just do something that helps me reach all of the twenty-somethings in this world navigating the most confusing decade of their lives

And as always, I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode