When everything falls apart at the same time

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today’s topic is for when life life’s

And by that I mean.. It feels like everything is falling apart all at once and you can’t seem to catch your breath

The idea for this episode came about when one of my clients was really going through it a few months ago and as a result wanted to drop out of school

He’s in his sophomore year

As his coach I 1. I assured him of the belief I have in him to see this semester through to the end and 2. Hit him with the reality check that this isn’t going to be the last time something like this happens

That you’re better off having a totally shitty semester and completing it so you can learn that you are capable of doing hard things 

Because what’s going to happen a few years from now when life life’s AND you have a full time job, rent, responsibilities? 

Every single adult has wanted to hit pause on their own life just so they can get a grip on what’s going on and catch their breath in the process

Unfortunately, that is not at all how things work

You’re going to have a miserable time or season and everyone else is going to keep on keeping on

So you need to learn how to be able to do both.. Without burning yourself out in the process

And that’s what this episode is designed to highlight and help you be able to do

I mean, I think it’s fair to say we’ve all had those murphy law moments.. Where everything that could go wrong did

For me, I lost my job, was hitting a rough patch in my relationship where I felt like I couldn’t lean on my boyfriend for support, was stuck in a global pandemic, couldn’t qualify for unemployment assistance for three months, and was suffering with stomach problems 

I was 23

I’ve had a client where she hated the school she was at, got broken up with, and was in a fatal bus crash.. She was okay physically, but that’s a lot in a short timeframe 

More recently a client who was breaking off ties with his dad, his mom was selling his childhood house, his girlfriend broke up with him, and he failed two classes

It truly feels like you’ve hit this string of bad luck where you’re questioning everything and asking the universe: what else could go wrong?

And the universe takes that as a challenge

Right now you are in a state of emotional whiplash

Like in a cartoon where you’re getting bitch slapped every which way only it’s different life experiences and it makes you feel like you’re not capable of handling life as an adult

To which I want to tell you that that is most definitely not true

Is life hard right now? Yes

Do you have the urge to set your life on fire and start over? Probably

And if it’s not that do you want to hide out until this all blows over and you can resurface as a human again? Sure 

When everything falls apart at the same time it is incredibly overwhelming.. I’m not going to sugarcoat it

You’re trying to outwardly present yourself to your friends, coworkers, class mates, that everything is normal and okay when you know your life is a shitstorm behind closed doors

Thereby making it hard for you to focus on what you need to do, or the smallest task seem nearly impossible, and you have no time to process anything that’s going on

So as a result you try to power through and then spiral into thinking why is this happening to me

And actually now would be a good time for me to mention a gift I have for you in the show notes that helps you get out of a spiral you’ve found yourself in

It is so rightfully titled: how to stop spiraling and once you put in your name and email I’ll send you a pdf that breaks down a very memorable and slightly humorous way to get yourself out of the spiral you’ve fallen into

So head to the show notes or to jessdiamondcoaching.com/spiral and claim your free gift now

But back to what I was saying trying to power through all the shit getting thrown your way isn’t what’s going to help you get over this hard time

It actually boils down to shifting your priorities a bit and learning how to handle these areas of your life a little differently.. At least for right now

Here’s what I mean

Not everything demands your time and attention equally

Sure there are some things you have to do as an adult like go to work or go to class, so outside of those mandatory responsibilities ask yourself what matters the most right now?

If it’s family drama, do you need to call someone in your family or do you need to set some boundaries around not talking to your family 

If it’s your health, then you need to make sure the food you’re putting in your body, the sleep you’re trying to get while under this heightened level of stress, and the movement you are doing is conducive to getting your health back on track

If it’s a friendship or relationship, is there a conversation you want to have and a time/day you can coordinate said conversation

If it’s your job or your schoolwork, can you say no to plans you originally had so you can get yourself back on track and not get fired or fail your classes

I think when it comes down to shifting your priorities, it’s a matter of looking at what happens if I ignore these priorities and hope it blows over all on it’s own

And the worse the outcome you come up with the higher that priority should be on your list 

Now, if everything I mentioned is all happening at once and you’re in total doomsday mode then the best piece of advice I can give you in this moment is to pause, breathe, and try your hardest to focus on one area of your crashing down life at a time

But carrying on as though nothing is wrong and it’ll all bounce back to the way it was before is a recipe for disaster

And the mistake you’re making in this moment is trying to act as though everything is fine.. Cue the meme of the dog sitting in a burning room with the quote this is fine over his head

Things aren’t fine

It’s okay to acknowledge that.

Reach out to a coach, therapist, or your mom to help you stay grounded during a time where you feel like there is no ground beneath you

Because when everything is happening all at once, your brain is not going to be your friend at this moment… you need someone who is going to bring you back to actionable reality

And know that this isn’t going to be the last time life feels this way

But what I can tell you is that you’ll be able to look back at this specific period and recognize that it was bad but it made you so much stronger as a person as a result

It helps you build up your resiliency muscles because you’re going to need that as you move through the rest of adulthood

It’s what I told my client… I told him dropping out of school for this semester so he can catch his breath will not help him

It’s a temporary fix but teaches you nothing in the long term

Because life sucks sometimes and you need to learn how to juggle the shittiness with your responsibilities 

And learn what you can let fall as you try to juggle everything that is happening around you, to you, and for you

And just because something is hard for you doesn’t mean you’re not capable of seeing it through

Now, yes mental health does factor in a lot here, and I’ll be the first one to recognize how much easier said than done it is to tell someone to just show up

I’ve had my own battles with depression due to my life feeling like it’s falling apart or too hard to handle

So i’m not saying push through your own depression and just get out of bed, just go to the gym, just go to work, just do your homework

I very much understand that is not helpful

What is helpful is by asking you not only what matters to you the most right now.. But also asking you what can you control?

It’s why control is one of the pillars rooted in my own your life system that I walk my clients through

You can’t control your girlfriend or boyfriend breaking up with you, you can’t control your parents selling your childhood house, you can’t control what someone else does or doesn’t do

All you can control is yourself: your reaction to a shitty situation and what you’re going to do about it

And then learning to release the rest

Because there is almost always something that is in your control… sometimes that is quitting, but most of the time it’s chunking down everything into one singular step 

This season of everything falling apart is overwhelming you because you’re looking at everything as a whole

Chunk it down

Get one assignment turned in.. it’s okay if you don’t get an A

Show up to work on time… you don’t need to be the most energized person in the room

Have the conversation.. Even if it’s messy

I’m not asking you to show up perfectly, I’m just asking you to show up period

Because by not doing anything, you’re only going to dig yourself into a deeper hole

It’s not all or nothing.. There is always SOMETHING you can do… you just have to be willing to do that something

And the last thing I want to say on this subject matter is just because everything seems to be hitting you all at once, does not mean everything will be falling apart for forever

It can just be really really hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel

So your brain interprets these situations as the end of the world and everything is wrong and will never right itself

And it’s doing that as a way to protect you

But not everything is wrong, there’s just a lot happening in ways you didn’t expect and doesn’t feel very good

Your job right now isn’t to try to fix everything.. It’s to tackle one area at a time, one step at a time

I can’t stress this enough.. Your goal right now is to just show up, do not quit

Try to find your breaks in your schedule where you can, say no to the extra things, but do not give up

Build the proof now that you can do hard things because you’re going to need it over and over again

When life is even harder, the risks are even bigger, and the crashes hurt more

I know that’s not hopeful, but that’s reality

And if you need help putting out your fires, then this would the perfect time to schedule a call with me so I can help you extinguish them 

That link to chat with me is also in the show notes right under the spiral freebie

Use it, let’s talk, and even if we don’t end up working together you’ll walk away from that conversation with some strategies to help you put your life back together again

It’s what I’m here for

And on that note, this does conclude another episode of how to twenty-something, if you liked what you heard, learned something new, know someone who’s life is actively on fire and needs to hear this episode

Then please share it, post it on social media, give me five stars, send it to that friend

Just do something to help me help all of the twenty-somethings in this world navigating the most confusing decade of their life

And as always, I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode