What is your paycheck costing you

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today’s episode is about your money

That is… your money story, so your relationship to your spending habits and how you view the money that’s coming in

And it’s about the money you make at your job

This episode idea came about when one of my personal training clients spent the better half of the last year complaining about how miserable and stressed he is at work

And I’m like okay the answer is pretty simple here… if you’re complaining for over 6 months and nothing is improving.. get a different job

He refuses and more recently clapped back with the response ‘golden handcuffs’ 

Which is essentially where your job flashes you these big paychecks or promises of a raise so it’ll all be worth it

I don’t know.. Maybe I’m out of touch with the world of paychecks but I don’t think any job is worth your mental health or happiness

Where if you feel miserable at your job more times than not then it’s time to reconsider your place of work or your career

Which is why I wanted to shed some light on what your paycheck is actually costing you

Like yes, your paycheck is allowing you to pay rent, buy groceries, maybe even save

I mean for a lot of you listening with an entry level job, it’s very possible that your paycheck is barely keeping your head above water

Regardless of who you are, you have a story that comes with the money you’re making.. Whether it is in the form of golden handcuffs or on the other end of the spectrum of you’re not making enough

And I want to talk about it

For starters, you need to identify your own money story

This is something that develops in childhood, stems from your parents’ relationship to money and even how they spoke about it, or culturally

It’s a set of beliefs you learned on either conscious or subconscious levels about how money showed up in your life while growing up

Examples being: there’s not enough of it

It’s embarrassing to ask for financial help

It represents security

Anything outside of a necessity is a luxury 

A stable job is more important than the actual work you’re doing

More money represents status, success.. You’re nothing without it

There are so many money stories that you need to first identify for yourself what yours is

Or even, what memories do you have about your parent’s relationship to money.. Conversations you’ve over heard, comments that were made

Because knowing your story will help you understand your spending habits and even decisions around your career path

For me, I inherited the money story that there’s never enough of it and it’s embarrassing to ask and even accept financial help in times of need

That story rang true just a few years ago

Now, I was very transparent with you in the episode where I ripped back the curtain on being self-employed

And my second year in, the year I started this podcast, was when I went through a friendship breakup and fell into a depressive episode for 6 months

My business suffered as a result so when I was finally ready to go out and make friends again I was STRESSED about making plans and then having to spend even more money on lunches, dinners, coffees, events whatever it was

My mom offered to help pay for one social outing a weekend.. Actually she offered up a dollar amount and I declined at first

Why?

Because I learned as a child that it is not okay to accept the help that’s offered.. That it’s shameful and embarrassing 

And then my coach had to help me work through this story and accept the help that was being extended

I then negotiated back with my mom that instead of a dollar amount, how about it was one social outing a weekend which came out to half of what she originally offered 

And even after talking it over with my coach, it was still very uncomfortable for me to say yes to this generosity 

Truthfully? Money is something I’ve always felt insecure about 

I never wanted friends over my house to play when I was a kid because their house was a bigger

I don’t like paying for expensive dinners or grocery shop at the nicer grocery store

And now that I live with Ryan I feel really weird when it’s his turn to buy the groceries

It’s a story I am constantly having to rewrite and you’re going to find that within yourself too across different moments of your life

If I were to take a look at my career path, or my paychecks… I wouldn’t say I said yes to my first job out of school because of the money.. As you know the money was shit

But I do know a lot of people who do say yes to a job because the paycheck overrules some other blind spots or red flags

Again, relating it back to your money story

Like if you’re someone who equates money with status

Maybe you’re someone who is taking the job that pays a ton but you’re basically a slave to your phone and computer.. That your free time isn’t even yours

Maybe you’re working this job because it’s the responsible thing to do

Maybe complaining about your job is an outlet for you but you don’t actually want to do anything about it.. Becuase you lowkey like the torture since it gives you a sense purpose or validation 

Maybe you are someone who has this certain lifestyle in mind and feel like a failure if you can’t live up to it

Which also kind of ties into staying at a miserable job.. Or it doesn’t even have to be miserable, it just doesn’t do anything to fill up your cup… you’ve tied your income and lifestyle to your self worth

And actually your lifestyle and self worth is why this topic matters so much for me to talk to you about in your twenties

This is a decade where people lock themselves into a lifestyle based on their income

We all probably start off with a rough living salary and as it increases so do your bills

So your take home pay really doesn’t change all that much until you’re reaching 175k annually

But you continue to adjust your lifestyle to match the paycheck you’re bringing in

And that mentality is a trap

The job, the apartment, maybe the car, the travel plans, the material items, the dinners out all rely totally on your paycheck to sustain it

So what happens when you’re miserable or have a sudden epiphany around a new career track?

Leaving suddenly feels impossible or filled with no’s

It was really easy for me to make the decision to full send my business because the way I thought about it was I had nothing to lose

I wasn’t making a ton being a slave to my desk, so why not give something I’m actually passionate about a try?

All of my college friends at the time had six figure jobs for 3 years and said they couldn’t imagine leaving their paycheck for the risk of starting a business

We built different lifestyles…

And i’m not saying any of this with the delusion that you don’t need money

I know that you do

I also work with a lot of fresh graduates getting their first jobs and can tell you first hand that most of you are underpaid

What I am saying is that money might be blinding you from other things

Which is where the title of this episode comes into play.. What is your paycheck actually costing you

Your sleep, the ability to exercise, your mental health, your relationships, your time to exist in your life, your stress levels, your nutrition

Health is not something to postpone to later when, quote, all this hard work will be worth it

And the scariest part of this all is that the health you’re sacrificing doesn’t happen the first, second, even tenth time

The one additional night a week of crappy sleep

The next workout skipped

The stress eating out of the vending machine

The sitting all freaking day

The cancelling on your friends because you have another major deadline

The constant stress impeding on your life and decisions 

The health you’re sacrificing every time slowly builds until one day you wake up and can’t see your toes

Or you’re sick and no one is around to bring you soup

Or you’re winded walking up one flight of stairs

Full-time desk jobs are silent killers and you’re the reason why it’s going to happen to you

You need to develop a healthy relationship to your job, boundaries, so your paycheck doesn’t cost you the life you’re building if your job got suddenly taken away

Which is not such a far fetched thing to say with lay offs happening all the time and across so many different industries 

Sure there are going to be moments that require sacrifice

Like deadlines and I get that.. That’s not what I’m talking about here

I’m talking about how your job and therefore paycheck is impacting your life

I mean, let’s play for a second… if someone came to you and said I can double your salary right now, but you’ll have a chronic illness that’s unmanageable and incurable for the rest of your life… would you say yes?

It’s also possible that you’re listening to this and thinking, Jess jokes on you, I have a terrible paying job and chronic illness

But that’s not the point I’m making

I have a client who had a well paying job and it made her so sick.. That I would almost bet she would rather stay poor and healthy than rich and sick

So while yes money does help with a lot of things, but at what cost

Where else can you be rich in your life?

Rich in your health

Rich in your relationships

Rich in your ability to clock out

A bigger paycheck is only a good thing if the life around the paycheck still works

Because what I don’t want for you is for you to realize you built up this whole life and have no one to share it with or the energy to actually enjoy it

You’re in your twenties, so it can be hard to see the issues with your relationship to your paycheck

You’ve probably found yourself saying things like: I’ll take care of my health later

Or this is what my twenties are for, I’m single with no kids

Or this is part of the job

Or once I make x amount of money things will calm down

So what I want you to do is take a look around your office

Look at the lives of the people 10-20-30 years older than you and ask yourself, are they living the life you want to create for yourself?

And if the answer is no, then you need to get out now

Because that whole “I’ll deal with it later” bullshit has a really easy way of turning into the rest of your life

And it really all boils down to what is your paycheck actually costing you?

Because money is only one way to be rich and it’s on you to create the other ways that make you rich

Your relationships, your time, your health, your ability to detach from your job and take the load off

Or shut your laptop down at the end of each day

That’s rich

And yes, it is possible to have both the nice, flashy paycheck, and everything else I’ve mentioned

So i’m not talking to you if that’s the case, actually if that’s the case then congrats my friend, you are winning at life

This is for the people who center their entire life around their jobs

That if it disappeared tomorrow they wouldn’t know their right foot from their left

The goal is to be able to have both, just don’t get lost along the way trying to get there

And on that note, thank you for listening to another episode of how to twenty-something

If you liked what you heard, learned something new, or know someone how is sacrificing so much of themselves for their job, then please share this episode

Post it to social media, send it to a friend, give me a 5 star rating

Just do something to help me spread word of this podcast so i can help all of the twenty-somethings out there navigating the most confusing decade of their life

And as always, I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode