The problem with always accomplishing things

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today’s episode is centered around all of the problems that come with accomplishing things

All the things

And things varies

It could be your daily to do list

It could be your career path

It could be the next stage in a relationship

It could be centered around your business

And I know—this idea sounds a little backwards.

Because we are all constantly seeking a sense of accomplishment.

Something that tells us our day wasn’t a waste… or that our life isn’t for nothing.

But when we become so focused on being able to say we got something done…we become completely blindsided to everything else happening in the process.

Or… we rush.

And when we rush, we make careless mistakes.

We create more problems for ourselves.

And we move through our lives just trying to get through the task as quickly as possible so we can check the box… and move on to the next thing.

So while yes, you are getting everything done… but at what cost

Who is getting hurt, inconvenienced, stressed or overlooked along the way

For example, I had a client a few weeks ago talk to me about a rough week he had with his girlfriend

Now, before I get into the story, I do want to preface this with saying that one of the biggest things I teach my clients are to create lists of things to get done that day or that week

But I teach it with the intention of helping you understand your time better… so you’re not constantly biting off more than you can chew.

Because that’s where the problem starts.

This client was telling me he had his to do list and he got it all done and was proud to tell me so, but then said… his girlfriend, on the other hand… was not thrilled

So we broke it down a little further

And there was one particular day where he kept saying yes to everyone

He said yes to going out of his way to do a favor for a friend which was buying pokemon trading cards

He said yes to going grocery shopping so his girlfriend could meal prep while he was busy the next day

He said yes to meeting up with a friend for lunch

He said yes to himself trying to fix his own car and going to the gym

He said yes to dinner with a friend who was in town last minute

It was a lot of yes’s and not a lot of time for one day

And because he put himself on a tight time crunch for the day he also put his girlfriend on a sense of urgency all day

• He needed the grocery list that second
• He didn’t take the time to ask her a clarifying grocery item question and made his own decision that she didn’t agree with
• He needed her to move her car asap
• He was frantically fixing his car and slamming doors while his girlfriend was trying to nap that afternoon

His urgency has now affected her

But… he got everything done

And a very irritated girlfriend to go along with it

… Here’s the hard truth… just because you accomplished everything on your list, does not mean you did it well

He was efficient.. And inconsiderate 

But his efficiency was also not done with accuracy.. Balls got dropped, mistakes were made

So yeah it all got done, but it didn’t get done with the care that was required

His girlfriend wasn’t upset only because of the groceries, or moving her car, or having her nap disrupted

His girlfriend was upset about the energy he dragged her into that day

The urgency of it all

His poor time judgement and saying yes to everyone put her in a position she didn’t plan for 

And it created tension

I’m telling you this because we’re all guilty of doing this

And when you’re single and living alone it doesn’t affect anyone else besides you

It’s one day of chaos.. It doesn’t matter

But what you don’t realize is that urgency you feel within yourself is carrying over to the people you care about, whether you like it or not

Your coworkers, your friends, your roommates, and in my clients’ case his girlfriend whom he lives with

Now, this is not the same as leaning on someone for support, especially when you’re living with your partner

There is for sure a time and place where your partner will pick up your slack

But this entire day was avoidable

My client put himself in this position because of poor boundaries that we are actively working on 

So he doesn’t have another day like this for a very long time, if ever

And I want to use this episode to highlight this very common occurrence in a go go go society and what he could have done differently

And this is what we talked about in our session

He first needed to look at his entire day… what did he already commit to, what could be moved around, what could he say no to

Side note: he has a really hard time saying no to people when they ask him for something

So if he were to rewind time and do this day again he would still say yes to the gym

• But not stay after and as long as he did

After that point it really all depends

He could have saved working on his car for another day since it ran perfectly fine and wasn’t in dire need of being repaired right then and there

He could have said no to running an errand for a friend

He could have pushed back lunch

He could have explained to his girlfriend that he doesn’t think he’ll have the time to go grocery shopping that day but would love to go together on sunday or sent her to go instead even though it was his turn

He could have said no to the last minute dinner plans

He could have asked for help or grace from the people asking things of him

But instead he piled it all onto his plate and bit off more than he could chew

And again.. He did finish all the tasks

His friend got her pokemon cards, other friend got lunch time, the out of town friend got to see him, the groceries did get picked up, the car almost entirely got fixed

But, like I said, there were mistakes made along the way and that’s the part i’m talking about

Because on paper.. It was a successful day

He DID get everything done

But success on paper and success in real life are not always the same thing

And this shows up in different ways across different scenarios

When you have a lot on your plate, you think that multi-tasking what you can, where you can is going to help you buy back some time

But multitasking isn’t as efficient as you think it is… statistically speaking, multitasking actually reduces your productivity by up to 40% and slows task completion by 50% while increasing errors

One of the tedx talks delivered by the fabulous Lanaire Malone said a powerful line in her talk on the sandwich generation which was ‘be where your feet are’

Stop trying to be everywhere at once, be where you are.. If you’re working then work, if you’re hanging with your girlfriend or boyfriend, be with them, if you’re on your phone just be on your phone

Stacking all of your responsibilities and trying to do two or three things at once creates mistakes 

This looks like half listening to what someone is saying while responding to a message on your phone

Making decisions without checking in because it’s faster for you to decide for the other person

Being physically present but mentally elsewhere 

It leads people to not feel considered.. But hey you’re getting everything done

… at the expense of someone else

And that’s the part I want you to really sit with.

Because it’s easy to justify this behavior when you’re the one getting things done.

It’s easy to say:
“I’m just busy.”
“I have a lot going on.”
“I’m doing my best.”

And all of that can be true.

But it still doesn’t mean you’re doing it well.

Being busy doesn’t excuse being inconsiderate

And if you cannot get a handle on what’s on your plate right now, in your twenties, then you’re in for a really rude awakening when your responsibilities double

I’m not saying you don’t have a lot on your plate right now, you’re very much learning how to balance all of your adult responsibilities with the desire to say yes to everything and everyone so you don’t miss out on an experience

What I am saying is that by saying yes to everything you’re creating a lot more problems than you might realize

Your patience gets shorter.
Your communication gets worse.
Your awareness goes down.
Your presence disappears.

Yes you were productive, you accomplished everything, but the way you showed up wasn’t great

Which is where you can start to make the switch that accomplishing things and doing things well require a different focus

Doing things well requires being present, intentional, thoughtful

Accomplishing things is a mindless check on the to do list

My client didn’t need more hours in the day, he needed better boundaries for the day he had

And be realistic about what he could actually stack on his plate as one person in a 12 hour timeframe 

It’s learning what you could say no to or even not right now and offer up a reschedule.. Even if it’s something you really want to do

Because getting everything done doesn’t mean everything was done well

And your own self worth is not measured by your ability to say you did everything

Because at the end of the day you need to realize that people are not tasks on your to do list

And people very much understand having a loaded plate for one day

You can say no, you can make sure there are time buffers or even moments for rest

You can stop wearing busy as a badge of honor and start showing up in each moment as present as you can be

While also recognizing that something is always going to feel urgent and that it needs to get done that second or that day

So what I want to challenge you to do is pause, slow down, and be where your feet are

Because the goal isn’t to get through your life as fast as possible…

It’s to actually be in it… while you’re accomplishing it.

And that my friends is the mic drop i’m going to leave you with when it comes to the problem with always accomplishing things

So this does conclude another episode of how to twenty-something

If you liked what you heard, learned something new, can relate to the day my client had, or know someone who needs to stop treating their life like a constant list to check off then please share this episode, send it to a friend post it on social media

Just do something to help me reach as many twenty-somethings as i can who are trying to navigate the most confusing decade of their life

And as always I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode