Burnout: Prevention & Relief

Welcome back to how to twenty-something where today I’m going to be talking to you about a really common occurrence that happens across any area in your life and at any time.. Burnout

I hear from friends and clients about how overwhelmed they feel with their life and that they are approaching burn out

This could be in terms of their career, it’s really common in the healthcare field especially with nurses

This could be in terms of dating, which is honestly how this episode came about when my friend Dave asked if I had an episode that talked about getting burnt out in the dating world

And I said no but I’m going to make a note to create one, only it’s going to encompass various aspects of feeling burnt out, so here we are

Another one could be burning yourself out in the gym, as someone who practically lives in the gym, I hear this one a lot from people who come on a week trial at f45 which is where I coach group fitness

They usually say something along the lines of they are looking for something new because they got burnt out from what they were previously doing OR they haven’t worked out for x amount of time because they got burnt out

And then people just feel burnt out with life, in general, because so much is happening all the time and they’re perpetually exhausted or overwhelmed as I’ve already mentioned

Which brings me to my first point in this episode and that is why burn out happens

I believe burnout is a side effect of poor time management, boundaries, and planning

I also believe burnout really comes into full force in your twenties because everything is new for you

Every experience you encounter, both the good and bad ones, is brand new to you and on that note, new to you having to tackle on your own

This stage of life is also marked by the pressure to build a career, develop financial independence, and maintain a social life—all while figuring out your identity and life direction

It’s overwhelming for you to navigate one obstacle after another when you haven’t developed the skills, mindset, coping mechanisms, or resources to help you in that time of need

A lot of my clients come to me when they are sick of trying to battle their own obstacles all on their own and I get to help them move through this chapter of their life much more quickly and smoothly

Because we come up with a strategy together to help them take action and not overwhelm them in the process

And a lot of those strategies incorporate time management skills, setting boundaries, and planning ahead

So I’m going to first break down how each of those three things of apply to you, where you’re going wrong, and then what you can do about it

When it comes to poor time management, in relation to burnout, you are not being realistic around what your schedule, energy levels, and mental capacity can commit to

You are loading up your days and not giving yourself enough time to pause, take a break and relax

Now, sometimes there are going to be chaotic seasons in your life, like for me the last 10 days of September were chaotic, I had my workshop, my sister’s bachelorette, a major speaker application due, and then my normal schedule on top of that

But I also knew that once October hit I could schedule in time to breathe so I didn’t burn myself out

That required me to say no to things, to resist the urge to not fill up my free time with either work related activities or activities with friends

It’s being able to carve out time for a break or even a nap so I can recover from the chaotic 10 day span, when it was really the entire month of September

And knowing where that is going to come into my schedule before September ends

For me, I know when I put on workshops, it takes a lot of energy out of me to do, and I need to slow down the week that follows it

And because I know my calendar well and am always referring back to it, I am not only able to schedule out time for me ahead of time, but also know that it’s coming

Burnout is a feeling but it’s also a mindset and when I can forecast when I’m going to approach that feeling, it’s helpful to know that there is an endpoint in my future

I understand that sometimes life slaps you every which way across the face and you feel like you can’t catch a break so it becomes tougher to see any light at the end of the tunnel

Meaning, you can’t forecast when the season of chaos will be over

So when this happens it’s really important to take it day by day, find the moments in your day when you can incorporate some slow restorative behaviors

Like slow yoga, not power yoga, or a walk, or time to read or pray or meditate, even draw or write

Some kind of outlet that is calming to the brain and body

A lot of times people want to overwork themselves to the point of exhaustion as a form of a distraction from what’s happening in their life right now

So they’ll do an intense fitness class or a crazy run to cope, but that’s actually going to push you closer to your burnout breaking point

You’re adding fuel to the fire when you do that instead of something more calming and restorative 

You need to know your schedule and have the time management to add relief into your day, have boundaries with people to give you back more time for yourself and recovering, and plan ahead even if that planning ahead is within the next 24 hours

Now I know that if you haven’t experienced burnout yet it’s going to be tough for you to plan ahead for when you might start approaching that limit, so that’s what I’m going to help you with throughout today’s episode 

Because what we don’t want to happen is for you to be oblivious to the extent of your own burnout that by the time it happens it’s too late and you’ve reached your tipping point

And as I’ve already mentioned burnout occurs in different areas of your life, so I’m going to break down what happens in your career, your dating life, your health, and your life overall

Starting with career burnout

Career burnout happens for the first time in your twenties and I say first time, because I know it happens again later on in life

But in your twenties you are at the bottom of the work food chain, you’re getting stuck with the dirty work, you have barely any idea as to what you’re doing, and have no confidence to speak up and ask for help or support

You enter the workforce with high expectations, hopes, and dreams, and are suddenly overwhelmed by the long hours, demanding work, and the unknown underlying competition amongst your coworkers

It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned this but I fully believe that college gives you a false sense of reality as to what adulting is

I think high school grooms you well because you’re at school for 7 or 8 hours, then you have homework, studying, sports, clubs, and any other extracurriculars

Then you enter college and you have four years of flexible time, lighter commitments, and an overall easier schedule

Then you’re thrown back into the real world only now you’ve gotten a taste of what freedom feels like and your corporate job now feels like a prison 6 months in

For me it was 2 weeks in when I came to this realization

College schedules are good for us entrepreneurs but it is a very rude awakening for everyone else

There’s also an over glorification to be hustling all the time at your job, to chase the promotion and succeed and that can look like working multiple jobs or constantly working overtime so you’re not letting yourself rest

I’ve known nurses and other healthcare workers to feel burnt out, lawyers, some sales jobs, teachers, therapists, and investment bankers to name a few more

And it’s because of the long hours, high pressure environments, emotionally draining work, and for some, inadequate pay

There is little room for work life balance which means they hardly have a chance to prioritize themselves, and instead are constantly needed by other people

And when you’re so fresh to the working world you don’t want to complain or ask for a break because then you’ll be viewed as weak and fear losing your job 

So you keep your head down and continue grinding it out

Afterall you’re young and have no obligations outside of work, right? 

This is why burnout is so common

I think another part of burnout is when you’re first starting out you’re either given very little amounts of vacation days or you feel guilty for taking your vacation days

But let me be the first to tell you to take your damn vacation days

I want to tell you that your job is not that serious so stop putting it on this giant pedestal, but if I’m being completely honest and real with you: the careers I mentioned that are most commonly known for burnout are high stake important jobs

Joe schmo in marketing having a panic attack over a little deadline is where I can say buddy it’s not that serious

If you have a generic job, not to totally minimize the work you do, but if your job doesn’t literally hold the lives of other people, then allow me to be the first to tell you that in the eyes of your company, you are replaceable

The second you leave, your role will be filled with someone new, so there is no need to get so worked up or overworked 

For those of you listening who do believe you have an extremely important job, and I believe you, you very well might, you need to take the advice and prioritize your own self care and what that looks like for you

Hint hint it means slowing down other parts of your life so you can refuel your energy and not further deplete yourself to the point of fatigue

Again looping it back to boundaries and planning ahead

But, overall, your relationship to your career is directly related to your likelihood of burning yourself out

Yes, having and keeping a job is important because you need it to fund your life outside of it and that’s the message for career burnout, let your job fund your life outside of work not consume it

Otherwise, why are you working?

If your work isn’t your undying passion, then it’s time you lighten the grip it has on you

When it comes to burnout in dating, as I mentioned at the start of this episode this topic of burnout inspired the creation of it, it falls under similar parameters of if you’re doing too much then you’re creating a recipe for burning yourself out

It’s like dating in your twenties is the ultimate race to finding your soul mate and if you don’t constantly put action behind doing so, then you are going to lose the race and end up forever alone

We all have this delusional timeline to be married before we’re thirty or by the time we’re thirty

And I get it, trust me, I’ve spent the better part of this last year trying to improve my dating life and find someone I want to spend my time with

I’ve been single for 3 years, so yeah it’s frustrating, but I am also someone who gets easily overwhelmed with dating so i’ve put boundaries in place and am able to recognize when it’s time for a break

And that break just means I’m not actively trying to set up dates, while still remaining open to someone asking me out

Dating in your twenties is filled with exploring what you want out of your relationships while navigating all of the other parts of you and it can get frustrating when you see people around you find their soulmate early on and not have to go through the struggles of being single in 2024

I made an episode on dating apps when I said it’s okay for you to take a break from the endless swiping and the same thing applies for all forms of dating

You can say no when someone asks you out, you can take a step back from actively going on dates, it doesn’t mean you’re going to fall behind or lose out on finding the last decent person in town

Where you risk burnout, and what I said to my friend who inspired this episode, is when you feel the need to fill your free time with dates

This friend carved out thursday nights and sunday evenings for dates and went on a mission every week to fill those slots

That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself and at that point you switch from finding quality people to meet and spend time with to just filling your time with the next available person

Going on multiple dates in a short period can become physically and mentally draining, especially if you’re constantly putting effort into impressing someone or making a connection.

Preventing burnout comes from making time in your schedule for quality people not quantity

It’s great to set goals around dating, but be realistic with what those goals looks like

8 to 10 dates a month is unrealistic and encourages dull conversations and dead end dates, which then leaves you disappointed and possibly even rejected

The human brain can only handle so much rejection at one point in time because of out natural crave for a sense of belonging – it’s a survival instinct

Somewhere between 2 and 5 is a lot more doable and allows you time to breathe and find people you actually want to spend your free time with

Maybe you’re someone who can have deeper conversations with people right away, I know I’m not one of those people

I build walls and you have ask politely and consistently before I let you in

But I know not everyone is like me and they are more willing to open themselves up to people, but what they also risk is emotional fatigue because being vulnerable repeatedly, without finding a stable connection, can leave you feeling depleted

You’ll start to see that a lot of burnout prevention comes from knowing yourself and what your capacity is when it comes to the different categories of your life

I will say, don’t put yourself on the market if you’re not willing, able, and ready to add a new person into your life – we call it ready for WAR – W-A-R Willing, Able, and Ready

So if you’re someone who is still figuring out your dating goals then save everyone around the time and energy and stay off the market until you are fully willing able and ready to be in a committed relationship

I recently was coming off of a really good weekend and had the thought that for the first time in my entrepreneurial life my life feels very full

So I know nothing is missing, and now I want to find someone who adds to it and that’s how I know I am finally ready to be in another relationship, while also knowing my limits around dating and that I fall under the 2 first dates a month side of the spectrum

So know what your number is, and know that depending on how other parts of your life is going, that that capacity is going to change

For example, if there’s work stress, family stress, friend drama, really anything negatively affecting you is going to decrease your capacity for dating

So maybe right now you can handle 5 dates in one month but then shit hits the fan and now you can only handle one date – this is something you’re going to have learn for yourself and how outside of dating life factors affect you and your capacity to go on first dates

But that’s burnout in dating

The third type of burnout I want to highlight is with your health

Which probably sounds odd because it’s your health and shouldn’t that be a top priority and naturally ingrained at all times?

But what people forget is that when you’re in your twenties, your body is going to keep changing

Your habits are going to change, or worse stay the same but your metabolism will change, your lifestyle will change, and there is this pressure to maintain your physical appearance from when you were 20 years old or reach a physical appearance that is viewed as desirable again looping it back to dating

This is where overtraining, undereating, and obsessing over the way you look which could be marked by weighing yourself everyday and/or studying yourself in the mirror regularly, comes as a threat to burnout

You need rest days, a diet that you fully believe you can maintain for the rest of your life that does not include binging or restricting, and a social media feed that does not highlight other people’s bodies – so changing your algorithm

I work at two different gyms and I see and talk about the obsessive tendencies and it’s not healthy

People reach burnout when they overdo it all and then their progress stalls leaving them feeling demotivated, frustrated, and ready to quit

If your gym regimen and nutrition is too strict then you’re going to overwhelm yourself and take away from your quality of life

The way to look at your health: primarily your fitness and nutrition is exactly what I just said: can you obtain this level for the rest of your life?

If the answer is no, then you’re doing too much

It’s a lifestyle that should be supporting your quality of life, not taking away from it

So change up your workouts, take more than 1 rest day a week, limit your social media comparison, don’t cut out food groups unless you medically need to, and chase health instead of looks

Because when you chase your health, aesthetics will follow

When you chase aesthetics you lose your health

It’s facts – so prioritize being healthier and the rest will follow suit

The final piece of burnout that I see happen amongst my clients is when life just throws you one obstacle after another, or in other words when shit hits the fan and you feel like you can’t catch a break

I had one client a few months ago where she rolled her ankle pretty badly, her grandma’s health was deteriorating, her brother and parents were in a massive fight, her boss was going through a major break up, her car battery died, and this poor girl’s life was so far out of her control and she was reaching major overwhelm

Burnout happens when you feel overwhelmed

And there are going to be periods in your life where it feels like a murphy’s law situation of anything that can go wrong will

Most of which is out of your control but is directly affecting you and your capacity to handle stress

We already put so much pressure on ourselves during this time of our life to progress our career, manage our friendships, maintain our health, pay our bills, navigate who we are and our life in general that when multiple things go wrong at once you’re already burnt out lifestyle reaches its breaking point

The media, movies, shows, whatever it is glorifies your twenties so when you feel like you’re constantly drowning in life’s demands you’re made to feel like the odd ball

Like you’re too weak to handle adulthood

But allow me to be the one to tell you, you’re not weak, these things just aren’t talked about enough

You’re twenties are a time for a lot of learning and that comes with a lot of struggling

It’s going to suck at times

But it’s also going to be amazing at times

So it’s knowing how to manage yourself and what you can handle when things do start to suck

Where you need to hold yourself back and go into restoration mode, clear your schedule of anything extra, and give yourself some much needed downtime

Learning your own burnout limits is a learning process and it’s going to take some time and some mistakes until you can catch your own signs and symptoms ahead of time

Which is why I said at the beginning of this episode, you need to know your calendar and when you have additional festivities happening and what that is going to do to your ability to handle extra life loads

When you think of burnout I want you to picture an empty cup and every stressor that implicates your life is adding a shot of water to your empty cup

When you cup reaches its maximum capacity you’re on the verge of burning yourself out and it’s time to shelter in place, or in other words, stop what you’re doing and take care of yourself first 

Preventing burnout is a self-care practice and should be high up on your priority list

But hopefully by now you’re able to better understand how and why burnout happens in your life and some tactics you can do to prevent yourself from reaching peak burnout

If you have questions about this topic or want further support then please check the show notes and click the let’s chat link so you can schedule a time to chat with me, I’m here for you

I don’t want you to have to try and figure out your limits on your own it’s much easier when you have someone who can guide you who has been in your shoes and that’s where I come in

Otherwise this does conclude another episode of how to twenty-something, if you liked what you heard if you related to some part of this episode or know someone going through the thick of it right now then please share this episode, send it to a friend or post it on social media and tag me at coach.jessdiamond when you do

And as always I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode