10 Tips to getting over a breakup:

Welcome back to another episode of How To Twenty-Something, today I’m going to help those of you who are going through a breakup, get over your breakup or at least help you move forward and not make any regretful decisions in the process

Before I give you ten tips to getting over one I want to help you feel a little better about the ending of your relationship and that is telling you that just because it ended does not mean it was a fail

This is simply part of the process of finding your person

Use what went well in this relationship and what didn’t to guide you in your next one

You’re also not alone, I mean you might emotionally feel alone right now, but you’re not alone in the sense that almost every twenty-something has experienced some form of a heart break and while it feels like someone is squeezing your heart to death and this sense of sadness might never leave your body, please know that it will

It might not be on the timeline you hope for, you might experience additional waves of sadness for a while and quite unexpectedly, but hopefully this episode will help you find your way through to the otherside or give you little kick in the butt to not give into your intrusive thoughts

It might also feel like you’re taking 1 step forward and 3 steps back at several different points, but healing isn’t linear, grief in’t linear, life doesn’t always trend positively, but you got this, I’m here to support you and help get you through this period of sadness

We all long for love especially in this phase of our lives when it feels like everyone around us is happily wifed up, but please know that the best kinds of relationships take time, they build slowly, and your next one will come soon enough with someone even better, someone you didn’t even know was this perfect to exist out there

It’s okay to miss what once was and will never be again

It’s okay to feel sad for a long time

It’s okay to not want to date again for a while

In the meantime, here are 10 tips that you need to start incorporating in some aspect to help you be able to put your best foot forward when it comes to seeing this breakup through to the otherside

This is not the ultimate fix for quote unquote curing a broken heart, but it’s designed to help you to keep moving forward and showing up even when you’re bed is inviting you to stay under your covers

These tips were brought to you by my followers on instagram and if you aren’t following me and want to all you have to do is search coach.jessdiamond and I’ll be there it’s also in the show notes

And then the next time I go to ask my followers for their input, you can contribute!

Alright here are 10 tips to getting over a breakup:

1. Remove them on every platform – out of sight out of mind

Snapchat, instagram, facebook, tiktok, whatever platform you have them on, take them off and remove their family too their mom and dad their siblings

Not just mute, muting their profiles is not enough you need to unfollow or even block because I know you and you’re going to be curious about who they are with, if they are hanging with that person they told you not to worry about, if they moved on faster than you, and any similar thought that provokes you to take a gander at their profile

You’re going to be so tempted to stalk their profile when you are already not in a good headspace and it’s not going to help you at all – you know it and I know it so remove them on everything

You’ll probably also be tempted to take a trip down memory lane, meaning it might be best to remove pictures you guys have together on your profile, you can archive them if you don’t want to fully delete them, but you shouldn’t see their face when you immediately go to your own profile

So please do yourself a favor take them off of every platform, make sure they are out of sight so they can be out of mind

1. Do not reach out

Look if they want to get back together then they will reach out.. If you are the one that got broken up with then you should not be the one to initiate a conversation

Because we all know what happens when you send that risky text.. You either turn your phone on airplane mode, turn it completely off, or chuck it across the room

I know because I’ve been there too

All it’s going to do is give you a ton of unnecessary stress and anxiety and well it’s simply not worth it

If they are to reach out, take it with a grain of salt as that is still not an invitation to ask for them to come back to you

Remember we don’t chase, we attract

Even if it ended with but we can still be friends, or I still care about you and what’s going on in your life

NO, don’t reach out, stay in no contact

You guys aren’t going to stay friends, no one stays friends with someone who has seen them naked, I’m just saying

1. Do not scroll through pictures together and try to reminisce

Playing off the deleting them on all platforms from tip 1, do not death scroll, do not reminisce in the fun times you guys had together, as it’s only going to make you more sad now that it’s over

Remember: out of sight out of mind, this includes any pictures you two have together

If you have any memory of them in your place, remove them: this is pictures, clothes, and even some gifts they may have gotten you

Delete them from your life

You don’t need to put yourself through constant reminders of someone you once loved and maybe even still do, who will slowly drift to become a stranger

One of my clients was going through a breakup last year and it took her a while to see the guy she fell in love with was no longer the same caring and compassionate human and actually began to possess some very unattractive and frankly, quite shitty, qualities

Because this person will become a stranger in due time and it’s for the best, give yourself the best chance to get over him or her by eliminating the reminders that surround you either on your phone or in your environment

1. Spend time with friends

Make plans, surround yourself with the people who love you because you’re going to need your support system now more than ever

It’s going to be better for your mental health if you keep up somewhat socially so you don’t spiral in your bed and be alone with you and your thoughts for prolonged periods of time

This is what friends are for, they are there to be your shoulder to cry on, someone to crack a joke and get you to smile again, someone who makes your heart feel happy just by being around them

So ask for help when you need help – this is something I struggle with DEEPLY

Especially if you’re the strong friend that’s going through a breakup which I’ll make a whole episode about what it means to be the strong friend soon enough

It’s hard to tell someone you’re sad, it might even feel like you’re burdening the people around you with your sob story, or you feel annoying to constantly bring up what’s bringing you down, but your friends want to see you happy so go be with them

And I’m going to tell you right now that I feel like a hypocrite saying this because of how much I know I personally struggle with telling my own friends about my sadness and how guilty I feel every time I bring up my situation, so we’re on this ride together 

But really try your hardest to get yourself out of bed and around your friends, or call your long distance best friend and have them cheer you up or let you vent to them

All of my best best friends are long distance but when something is really bothering any of us we all know we can schedule a call with one another and feel supported and heard

1. Workout – some form of physical activity

Move your body in some way everyday, keep up with your routine, do something that gets the blood flowing

So even if you feel like a prisoner to your bed everyday you’ve still done something, you’ve showed up for yourself and have done something that will help you

Physical activity provides good mental clarity while also promoting mental health and gives you a nice little dopamine release so the happy chemicals in your brain are going to temporarily relieve some sadness

Not to mention the breakup glow up that comes with moving your body and not letting yourself drift away

Once you’re ready for the world you want to be able to look and feel great too

This might even be a time to pick up a new activity a new way of moving your body that maybe includes meeting new people and surrounding yourself with other healthy individuals

Movement should be in everyone’s routine even if you’re not going through a breakup but especially if you are

And if your place of workout is where your now ex goes then please consider changing locations or at least times

It absolutely sucks to feel like you’re constantly looking over your shoulder to see if they might walk through the doors or already be working out when you’re trying to clear your head and show up for yourself

I actually just ended a gym membership in part because I didn’t want to pay for a gym when I have free access to another one, but also because I’ve been dealing with a friendship breakup and that gym was my reminder of what once was and will never be again and didn’t dare want to see this person when I’m trying to workout and feel good

My recommendation, if you are feeling glum but know you need to move your body would be yo go to the gym with a hat and big headphones on, block out the world, focus on yourself

Do what you need to do to move your body and keep yourself healthy both mentally and physically

1. Do something new everyday that brings you joy – practice extreme self-care, get your nails done, your hair done

Literally anything that brings even a glimmer of sunshine into your gloomy mind

This could be getting your hair done, taking a long bath, reading your favorite book, calling your favorite person, jump on a trampoline, have a picnic, go ax throwing, punch stuff, treat yourself to a coffee or ice cream, buy a cute outfit, play video games not for hours on end where it becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism but enough for you to feel a little bit of relief from your mental load of this breakup

Something that brings you joy in a healthy way that is also going to help move you forward and to remind yourself that happiness does exist

Sometimes happy feels hard to come by, but doing something even for 30s that takes you out of your own thoughts will be beneficial for you

1. Escape – plan a getaway trip

Take a day trip somewhere, maybe go for a hike, fly somewhere, go home, whatever you choose, get out of your current environment

You need a break from your routine and from your surroundings so go change it up

This escape doesn’t mean escape reality, it means escape your current location

It’s extremely therapeutic and will aid in getting you out of your rut

So if you feel stuck, if you feel like you can’t go on, then go away

It could be a trip with friends or by yourself, just go somewhere that isn’t where you’re currently living

I can only really relate to going through a breakup with my friendship one because man those hurt, bad

But when the breakup first happened I went home

I knew i needed to get out of Charlotte, I needed a break from adulting for a few days plus flights were cheap

So I escaped I surrounded myself with family and the beach and took a time out from my life

Because it’s exhausting to be an adult all the time and I needed a break

So you can go escape too

1. Let yourself cry – the emotions need to be processed, you are grieving 

As I said in the beginning of this episode, grieving is not a linear process

You can feel fine one moment and then in a pit of sadness the next, so let yourself cry

Let yourself scream, process your emotions don’t keep them inside of you

It’s okay to shed many many tears, more tears than you’re expecting and over the span of what could be weeks, months, and maybe even a year or two later

You just lost your person, the person you talked to every day, the person who was your everything, the person you called yours and to go from constant communication to nothing leaves a big gaping hole in your life and in your heart

So you’re going to be sad and this sadness is going to come in waves and those waves will be unexpected so if that happens excuse yourself go take care of you, let yourself feel these emotions

It’s the shitty part of the healing process

Your heart needs time to heal, it just broke into a million pieces and cannot be put back together overnight

So to repeat, let yourself cry

1. Journal – repetitive thoughts

If you keep crying because of the same thoughts coming through your head over and over again, which is usually what happens to me, then use journaling as a tool

Sometimes talking to yourself or with a friend isn’t enough, there’s something magical that happens when you put a pen to paper and write it out

People ask me all the time how often I journal and the truth is I hardly do. I use it as a tool when I need it, but never force myself to write just to develop the practice of it

I know people who want journaling to be an everyday practice and aim to make it as such and even when they do that I tell them not to put parameters around it like it has to be for x amount of time every day or x amount of pages long

Just write what pops into your head

But when it comes to going through a breakup, use journaling as a tool in your toolbox to help you process

More times than not, whatever I journal doesn’t enter into my head again or when it does I’ve made peace with that thought and allow it to pass through more easily

And that’s really what you’re doing when it comes to journaling, your allowing this repetitive thought to pass through only it’s passing through your fingertips and onto a piece of paper

Even if you don’t want to remember or reflect on what you wrote, write it down anyways and you can always throw it out later or even burn it 

But honestly, I think it’s good for you when you keep your journal entries and can look back and see how far you’ve come either a few weeks from now or a few months or even a few years

Remind yourself of this journey as it might not be the last time you go through something like this

And finally, tip number 10 for getting over a breakup

1. Avoid jumping into a new relationship

This is the textbook definition of a rebound

Do not use another innocent human for your emotional cushion because you can’t stand the thought of being alone

This is the time for you to work on yourself, regroup, maybe work through some trauma or fears that you have as a result of this last relationship

Go see a therapist, work with a life coach, do something that does not entail jumping into a new relationship right away

Even if there’s an opportunity, try to avoid it or prolong it so you can give yourself some to heal, recover, establish some independence, reconnect to yourself and re-evaluate what you want and what you’re looking for in your next relationship

Rebounds are for those of you who are emotionally immature and can’t handle the thought of being alone – I know that’s a very judgmental sentence but as your audio version of a life coach I’m going to give you some of those hard truths and tough loves

And that is looking at your life and your patterns and seriously ask yourself when was the last time you were single for a solid amount of time.. We’re talking at least 6 months

Not that I’m putting a timeline on healing but it is important to look at your life and how you operate in it.. Alone

There’s great power in being single for a decent amount of time, there are also some downsides, but I do want to highlight the importance of being single and the value behind it

It helps you create a blank slate for what you want, what you are deserving of, and where your boundaries stand

Use this time to create some wonderful habits, an insane amount of self love, and a strong sense of community

Because those are also really important things to take with you in your next relationship

You’re not going to be single for forever, if someone has loved you in the past then there’s nothing stopping someone from loving you in the future

But for right now, focus on you, focus on getting through this breakup, and focus on some aspects of your life you want to improve upon

And as a bonus tip, I think I’m speaking mostly for myself here but don’t watch romance movies right now, seeing their love is only going to make you miss the love you used to have and therefore are experiencing a lack of at this present moment

But, these are my 10 tips to getting over a breakup, and like I said this isn’t to cure you and have you feeling instantly better but it is giving you some tools to use to help you through this time of your life

I hope this helped and I feel for you, I’m sending a virtual hug your way

I can help you get back into your own mojo too if you want to take me up on my offer to work with me as your coach one on one

My last tidbit of advice is this breakup is not the end of the world, you will get through this, and know that any emotions you feel are totally valid, but you still need to show up for yourself, now more than ever

And if you liked what you heard, please give me a good rating, share it with a friend who might be suffering from a broken heart or post it on social media and tag me at coach.jessdiamond when you do

Otherwise this concludes another episode of How to twenty-something and I will be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode