To live with roommates or to live alone?

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today I’ll be diving into the pros and cons of living with a roommate or two and living alone, as well as how to be a good roommate versus what makes you a bad one

I get it, not everyone has the option to decide between living alone or living with someone else because let’s face it rent is expensive and it’s not getting any cheaper and wages aren’t increasing with cost of living 

So if you don’t have the choice, the luxury of living alone, then you most definitely need to learn how to live with someone else

Someone who isn’t family

I personally lived with two roommates in my first adult apartment, one roommate in my second, and have been living alone for the last 3.5 years, so I can definitely speak from experience on this one

And let me tell ya, it is not easy to live with other people.. My sister and mom are probably listening to this and thinking: no jess, you’re the one that’s hard to live with

Which is partially true, but I am very considerate and relatively clean and I expect the people I live with to also be the same 

Unfortunately that’s not always the case

Knowing that we’re all going to be operating on different schedules and have different levels of cleanliness and different ways of dealing with conflict.. There is still a way to live with other people that is considerate of these differences

So let’s start with the obvious pros of living with a roommate

The first one is why most people do so, because I think we all would rather live alone if given the option, but know that it is far more cost effective to have a roommate

And the more roommates you have, the more money you’ll be able to save on rent, utilities, wifi, as well as other shared expenses like toilet paper, paper towels, communal furniture, spices, and anything else you guys have discussed you’ll share the cost of 

My first job out of school paid me $18 an hour so I knew that I would need roommates.. It wasn’t even an option to live alone

I was also coming off of college where I had roommates all four years, two of the years I shared a bedroom and bathroom, one year I only shared a bathroom, and one year I had my own bedroom and bathroom – and that’s when I felt like I was living in luxury

My first apartment in Orlando, when I was truly adulting, had me sharing my bathroom with one other roommate, while the other roommate had her own so she had to pay more rent than us for having the master bedroom 

And man do I have horror stories from that first apartment

But living alone didn’t even cross my mind.. I also wanted to meet people and figured having roommates would help that.. Which is another pro to getting roommates in your new city

You automatically meet someone.. You have built-in company

Someone to come home to, someone to meet other people through, someone to talk to after a long day, someone to go do stuff with

Which pairs with a con of it does mean less alone time

You don’t have the luxury to rot alone on the couch, you are going to constantly be with another person unless you choose to go into your room for the extra level of privacy and alone time

You have less space to call yours because you split the common areas, which also means you’re splitting access to the washer and dryer and have to coordinate who is doing laundry and when

Or who is watching tv in the living room and when; using the kitchen, etc

Having a roommate means learning someone else’s routine and how you guys can create a cohesive environment when you have differing schedules

Now, one thing about me is I’m a light sleeper, it’s my biggest curse, so I need roommates who will be more intentional about their level of noise when I’m sleeping 

And at the time of having roommates I didn’t have a super odd sleep schedule.. I’d usually go to be at 10 and wake up at 6 which I think is pretty normal

But I’ve had roommates who sleep the day away and are awake all night or wake up before me and or go to bed after me

In those instances I explain my curse of being a light sleeper and ask if they could be a little more courteous during that sleep time

Knowing that the world does not revolve around me.. but here’s the thing… i’m just as courteous to their sleep hours if not more courteous

It works both ways even if they have a seemingly unconventional schedule

But having a roommate can be a lot more intimate than you might think.. Emphasis on the ‘can be’ because they might not interact with you at all

My first round of roommates were loners so I didn’t actually befriend them or make friends through them

One of my first roommates was a total hermit.. She never left her room for days on end or was gone for days on end

Basically me and the other girl never knew if she was there or not

Her door was always shut.. Lights were always off.. One day my other roommate worked up the guts to open the door.. She knocked first of course and saw that the hermit was also a hoarder and never really fully unpacked.. Because she couldn’t she had too much stuff

She moved out after 4 months and we got someone new who was a lot more normal.. At first… and then she actually ended up being a liar, a massive partier and horrible for my mental health

I think a large part of it was her moving in two months before the pandemic and then all of us being unemployed at the same time all together first made us closer, but after 6 months of that had us all on each other’s nerves

So yes, that is a rare case for sure where you’re all at home all the time because of a global pandemic, but it still rings true that you’re going to get on each other’s nerves

It’s bound to happen

Now, I know a lot of people who choose to live with their friends

And I also know of a lot of those same people who know longer talk to their friends because they lived together

Which brings me to a major con of having roommates, you really see all parts of someone, mainly the ugly parts, when you live with them

It’s their space too

They’re going to leave their hair all over the bathroom counter, take hour long showers, be nocturnal, have company over, cook with different smells than you’re used to, clean the kitchen differently than you, if at all

And some of those things are expected, but other things are just gross and that’s where being a considerate roommate is so important, so that you don’t feed into the cons of living with someone else

Whether you already knew them or they are a complete stranger 

The first roommate, her name was Kelly, that I shared a bathroom with was a slob so her long black hair would be all over the white counters and floors and it was disgusting

The second roommate I shared a bathroom with, Mabel, had to teach me how to clean the bathroom so we could split that responsibility and I had never deep cleaned a bathroom before

So I will give her credit to my bathroom cleanliness even 6 years later

She also told me to wipe down the kitchen after I use it at the end of the day… which I do to this day.. Most of the time

So roommates can teach you helpful things or make your living space a disaster.. You never really know what you’re going to get

I think one of the bigger cons to having a roommate is part of what it takes to be a considerate roommate, it’s just a mere annoyance, and that is to communicate with them

Communicate when something is bothering you, when you are going to be gone, when you are going to have people over

There’s a lot of checking in that needs to happen because you are living with someone else.. It is there space too

The roommate who had the master bedroom, Jennifer, would start dating a guy and either have him over all the time or would leave for days on end

And would never communicate either situation

The problem with her being gone for multiple days in a row is she had a dog and would leave him behind and just expect us to take care of him

So she wouldn’t ask, she wouldn’t thank us, she wouldn’t let us know when she’d be back and her dog was a cocker spaniel which is a dog breed known for its spitefulness

And man was he spiteful when his mom would leave

So he would pee everywhere

Including all over my area rug

To the point where I had to ask Jennifer if she could pay to have the rug deep cleaned because our apartment would wreak of urine and she was not happy to do so

But like, that’s your responsibility 

Being a considerate roommate means being accountable to yourself and if you have any pets, then to them too

Which also pairs into a pro of having roommates, so long as you don’t abuse this

But you do get to lean on them for help with feeding or walking your pets

Don’t expect them to do it and you should still ask them if they can every time and then express your gratitude afterwards

But I think more people will help take some care of their roommates’ pets than not so it’s like free pet care.. Again as long as you don’t abuse this generosity

When Jennifer kept abandoning her dog for days on end and expect me to pick up the responsibility I eventually asked her if she could compensate me with a venti starbucks drink once a month

We’re talking $5 a month for taking care of your dog for multiple days.. She thought it was most outrageous thing I could’ve asked 

And guess what, instead of compensating me, she started taking care of her dog again so that worked out in my favor anyways 

My second apartment where I had one roommate.. We each had our own bedroom and bathroom, she had one dog at first and then a month into us living together she got a puppy

And she told me she would be training this puppy from the get go and to not worry about it

I mean I was over the moon.. I had all of the perks of having a puppy without any of the responsibilities 

And this roommate, tori was much more considerate in that regard

She would ask me if I could walk her dogs if I was working from home and also had dog walkers come in so the responsibility didn’t fall only on me

And she was good about training her dogs so it wasn’t an issue

I’m a dog lover so I’m happy to take them for a walk or feed them if needed but it should not be an expectation of the roommate to share pet responsibilities 

Because it’s not their pet, it’s yours or vice versa it’s your pet you shouldn’t expect your roommate to help you take care of them

But it is still a positive to having a roommate

Now, living alone, it’s wonderful… you don’t have to check in with anyone, you can be as loud or as quiet as you want, as messy or as clean as you want, you have your own space through in through where you can detach from the rest of society and not talk to a soul if you don’t want to

Which can be dangerous for your mental health but is overall a positive experience because you aren’t in constant communication with someone when it comes to your living quarters

You also don’t have to check in with anyone if you’re going to have a guest over

However, living alone is far more expensive

Everything falls on you to cover – the rent, the utilities, the wifi, the toilet paper, the paper towels, cleaning everything that I mentioned at the beginning of the episode that you could split with a roommate is your own responsibility 

I know that living alone is a luxury, I know that I saved up my money and actively choose to pay more in rent to preserve my peace of mind

That’s where the choice comes in

If living alone is important to you then you are going to sacrifice your savings to make it happen.. Mainly if you’re just getting started in the adult world because your salary is just not comparable to these rent prices

People get so pressed when I say the word choose.. But the way I see it is everything is choice

You choose to live in an apartment.. Maybe the other choice is live out of your car or on the streets because you can’t buy a house, but that’s still a choice you made

You choose to live alone or live with roommates… maybe the choice to live alone means you go into debt where living with roommates means you can have money leftover after you pay your bills for the month.. It’s still a choice

So yes you can choose to live with roommates or to live alone… whether it’s a smart choice for you is entirely up to you as there are pros and cons to both

But if you do choose to live with a roommate then you need to know how to live with someone else because that’s what’s going to make this living experience manageable 

It’s your budget, your personality, your living quarters.. You get to decide what you want that to look like

If you’re an introvert then living alone might be better for you whereas for an extrovert that’s a nightmare

Now, the last part… which i’ve kind of woven most of these through this episode, is how to be the good roommate

Aside from common courtesy, that sometimes isn’t so common, of turning of the lights if you’re the last one in the room, keeping the shared spaces relatively clean, notifying when guests will be over and for how long, being quiet when people are sleeping and so on and so forth

Being a good roommate also looks like paying rent and other bills on time, not eating food that you didn’t buy, taking your clothes out of the washer and or dryer as soon as you are able to, asking to borrow things instead of just taking, being respectful to other people’s belongings, spaces, and the person as a whole

When you have a roommate you are dealing with a whole other person’s life, habits, schedule, demeanor, history… it’s not easy peasy lemon squeezy it’s two people living together who aren’t romantically involved meaning issues will come up

It’s how you deal with them and your role in the roommate dynamic that matters

But by now you should know how to not be the shitty roommate if having a roommate is the direction you’re going with your living situation

While also knowing that you can change who you live with time and time again

Maybe you live alone and are ready to live with other people as a change of pace or to save more money 

Maybe you live with other people are are ready to live alone

And you can continue to switch back and forth as you move through your twenties

Just know that whatever you decide, right now and down the line, that each side comes with their own pros and their own cons

So check in with yourself and with where you’re currently at in life and go with what’s going to work best for you right now, in this current season 

Which is exactly how I’m going to wrap up this episode of how to twenty-something.. If you liked what you heard, learned a bad habit you have, think I missed something on this topic, or totally agree with me, then please let me know

Send me an email, send this to a friend who is deciding to live alone or with roommates, or post this episode to your story and tag me at coach.jessdiamond when you do

Just please help me grow this platform so i can continue to help all of the twenty-somethings in the world as they navigate the most confusing decade of their life

And as always, i can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode