Why adulting is so exhausting

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where I’m going to validate some of your experiences as to why adulting is so damn exhausting while also telling you that you’re the culprit to enhancing this exhaustion

It’s no secret that once you graduate and enter the real world, all of your previous responsibilities that were held by your parents now falls on your shoulders

You go from living carefree to walking around with the weight of the world and as a result.. You are dragging

You have stressors you’ve never had before, routines you have to create and be able to adapt for yourself, and additional mental loads filled with what you need to be doing to be a functional adult in society

Like remembering to pay rent on time, tracking your subscriptions, making your own doctor’s appointments, keeping your fridge stocked

It’s exhausting

Now throw in the sun setting at 4:30pm and you’re ready to throw in the towel and hibernate until summertime

Which you’re not too far off with that ideology, but allow me to help you out a little 

I was talking about this with a client right before the time change happened and she’s actually who inspired this episode because she keeps saying how exhausted she is 2 months into fully adulting

It brought up two very important conversations that I’m going to share with you throughout this episode

The first one has to do with the sun setting earlier and essentially there being a lot less daylight available to us

As a result, we feel like the day is done as soon as work is over because the sun is no longer out, it’s cold, you’re more tired, and you’re frustrated with feeling like there is no time for you to do anything this time of year

Or if you do feel like there’s time you’re frustrated with the lack of desire to want to do anything

Sure there’s holiday cheer, but this exhaustion you’re feeling, this time of year specifically, is due to the natural cycle of the year

It’s been a minute since i brought up caveman times

So to remind you, back before technology was a thing, we operated under what the sun and the weather told us to do

When the days are longer and warmer, we’re out, we’re social, we’re hunting and gathering, building our society, doing things

Then when the days get shorter and colder, we slow down, stay in, bundle up with one another to stay warm, and relax in the structures we built when it was warmer out

Fast forward to the lovely industrial revolution, mind you an extremely outdated way to live in 2025 almost 2026, and the concept of slowing down with the changing seasons, or speeding up respectively, disappeared 

Now you’re expected to work at the same efficiency and capacity at all times of the year

Which is not how humans were designed

Look at wild animals, we operate in the same cycle as the animals in our external environment.. Not your house cat

They hibernate for winter, they stock up on all their supplies, and slow down

We’re supposed to do that too

However, our society has eliminated that natural cycle so we’re fighting to keep up in a system that’s not built for us

And you’re left thinking, something is wrong with YOU

When, in fact, it’s not you, it’s this stupid outdated society 

That being said, there are ways to get around this exhaustion

And no, it’s not ignoring all of your bodies signs and signals and keep preserving through, but rather it’s to lean into this time of year

Allow yourself to rest and recuperate

Don’t overload your schedule, or over-commit to social activities, invite more relaxing nights in

Sure have people over, put on a movie, light a candle

But slow the fuck down

You cannot expect yourself to operate at peak capacity all times of the year, that’s how you burn yourself out

You need to lean with the ebb and flow of the seasons.. Like we did long before electricity was invented

We have the same brain and nervous system as we did 200 years ago

But we forget all of that because we’ve only ever known electricity to be in existence and therefore rely on it when it comes to the changing seasons

So following the rhythm of nature is half of it

The other half of this conversation with my client was when I asked her when does the exhaustion hit her

And she said it’s at the end of the work day

Doesn’t matter how much sleep she gets or how much caffeine she has, she feels dead and then has to and wants to do things after work but it’s a struggle every day

She feels like she’s in this perpetual state of exhaustion

Which is true and totally valid

But what I asked her next is what shifted this whole conversation

I asked her if she’s sitting the entire day

And she said yeah

Now, mind you, we have spoken ad nauseam about getting up throughout the day to move your body but it was more from a health perspective

You hear me talk about this all the time about how the desk jobs life is the worst thing to happen to the human body

So while yes getting up throughout the day and going for a walk is definitely healthy to do

It helps you focus, it puts you in sunlight which helps your circadian rhythm, it adds steps to your day which is good for your heart and from a metabolism perspective

But she didn’t care about that, she’s 22 so that doesn’t really affect her just yet

What is affecting her is this exhaustion

To which I explained that she’s sitting for 10 hours a day, this is including her commute

So what she’s unknowingly doing is telling her body that all it needs to do is have enough energy to sit

Energy begets energy

So if you’re telling your body 5 days a week 10 hours a day that it doesn’t need to do anything else besides sit, it’s unreasonable for you to expect your brain and body to just flip this switch at the end the day and suddenly have energy 

Because you just told it that it doesn’t need that energy

When you get up throughout the day, you send the signal that your body needs to produce energy to be able to do these things

As a result, you won’t be dragging your feet just trying to get to your car at the end of every work day

Now she’s interested in moving her body

It’s an adjustment you have to be mindful of, in a way you’ve never had to before

Kids naturally have energy, you were probably put in sports growing up or playing with neighborhood kids, in college you had to walk across campus to get to anywhere

Class, the dining hall, the gym so movement was built in

Now you’re sitting all day long

You stopped telling your body that it needs have the energy to do things

And our bodies are really really good at listening to what we tell it to.. Even when it works against what we want it to actually do

But when you do nothing all day, you’re going to have the energy to do nothing all evening

Yet you’re still demanding it be able to do these things without any signal throughout the day

So when the end of the day comes your body is like cool, we keep sitting this is our natural position, we’re not burning a lot of energy, we are here

It’s on you to teach it differently

Which looks like intentionality… it’s getting up at different intervals throughout the day and going for a 5 to 10 minute walk

Preferably outside or if needed then on a walking pad

It could also look like parking further way from the door, taking the stairs, using the bathroom across the building

Do whatever you need to do to get your butt up and moving 

Now, you could already be doing these things and think, ‘but jess, i’m still exhausted’

To which I will tell you welcome to adulthood

We’re all fucking tired 

And for different reasons

You’re tired when you’re a twenty-something learning to balance all of life’s responsibilities and expectations

Where you need to work out, have a job, have a hobby, see your friends, date, take time for self care, make food, have a clean apartment, get 8 hours of sleep a night

Which I want to remind you about my newest free resource I created for you guys that you can claim in the show notes 

It teaches you 3 ways to maximize you 5-9 after your 9-5 and actually helps you put some of these strategies into place 

But basically we’re all tired, all the time

You’re tired as a parent who is juggling all of that and raising humans

You’re tired as a middle aged man 

I have a personal training client who would use his exhaustion as an excuse for his performance but really his focus during his workout and every time I was like you could go up to anyone in this gym right now and ask them if they’re tired

And they will say yes

You’re tired because there’s a lot on your plate right now and it’s only going to increase

You’re tired because the US society doesn’t give enough time off throughout the day or even throughout the year for adequate rest and recovery

You’re tired because we don’t follow the natural rhythm of the seasons

You’re tired because you’re not fueling yourself properly, you’re eating junk food or heavy carbs and that’s sucking up all your energy

You’re tired because you’re scrolling on your phone all day and need to be stimulated by a screen at all moments 

You’re tired because you’re constantly thinking about what you should be doing and aren’t so you’re wasting mental energy paralyzed in what your next step is supposed to be

You’re tired because you’re an adult and being an adult is fucking tiring 

If you want to do what’s within your control to be less tired then it starts with building the basics

Something I talk about all the time

Your nutrition, your sleep, and your exercise need to be locked in 90% of the time 

Otherwise you aren’t even giving yourself a fighting chance to not feel tired 

So start there

Knowing that your full time job is going to eat away at a lot of your time and capacity

I hate the saying we all have the same 24 hours in a day, it’s how you use them that makes a difference, but it’s true

How you use your time will directly correlate to how you feel about yourself, your life, and your body

It’s a very clear reflection

So if you don’t like what you look like or how you feel then you need to change your habits to fit those better versions of you that you can grow into

 And it’s not to say that every day of your life needs to be dialed in.. you can still go out and have fun

It’s actually your solid foundation and consistency of healthy habits that allows you to deviate for the worth it fun stuff

Like how as I’m writing out this episode i went to the jonas brothers concert last night on a wednesday night and still got up for a 6:30am client the next day

It also means that I’m taking my Thursday a little slower, prepped for good sleep the days leading up to the concert and the days afterwards

So I can rebound from a late night as fast as possible

But i get it, being exhausted sucks

Society isn’t going to help you in this area so you need to do what you know you need to do to try to keep up with fast past environment we’re being forced into

If you don’t figure out a way around your perpetual state of exhaustion you’re going to have less drive to show up for yourself and your goals, feel like your are dragging through life, experience less happiness, and overall view life as pretty shitty

And that’s when you get burnt out and have this itch to burn your whole life to the ground and start over

So stick with what’s in your control, how you can pull back or ramp up at different times throughout the year

Know how your social calendar fits in with your work’s busy season

There’s always going to be a give and take

Adulting is always going to be exhausting

But your strength and resilience around that exhaustion and what you do when you’re feeling it creep in more than usual is what will make the difference

You’re not alone in feeling tired all the time, you’re living in a system that asks for too much and never gives it back to you

What I do want to tell you is that adulting doesn’t have to feel like this constant uphill battle between the shoulds, needs, and wants

You get to decide what you want to do to keep your energy in reserve and give yourself a break every now and then

Cut yourself some slack, you’re doing the best you can and sometimes you just need an adulting time out

Go home to your parents or on a vacation.. Use your pto days and take that much needed time off

Trust me.. It’ll give you more energy than you could even imagine

Which is how i’m going to end this episode so thank you for listening to another episode of how to twenty-something

If you liked what you heard, learned something new, feel compelled to book a vacation or know someone who is always complaining about being tired then please share this episode

Post it to your story, send it to a friend, just do something to help me reach all of the twenty-somethings navigating the most confusing decade of their life

And as always, i can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode