How to Pivot When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today I’m talking about making pivots.. Both Unexpected ones and the thought out ones

This is literally any aspect of your life where a change can and will occur

Especially right now, while you’re in your twenties because you’re in a decade of new experiences that force you to change more times than not

And usually against your will, but you know in the end you’re better off for it

I know I’ve made a lot of pivots in my twenties and I help my clients make their pivots because it is scary to do it all on your own

Whether it’s changing careers, moving cities, changing schools, changing friend groups, changing your dating life, changing how you show up, and everything in between 

What happens is your brain fights itself where half of you knows you need to change directions and the other half is terrified of what’s next

Because what’s next is the unknown – it’s something you really can’t plan for or predict the outcome of which is why your brain is trying to stop you from stepping towards that direction

Or your brain is predicting all of the worst case scenarios also as a way to get you to stop

I talk about change a lot but it’s because change is constantly all around us, happening to us and for us and every single freaking time our brain is like woah what are you doing, this could kill you

Even when you know for a fact that making a career change will not put your life at an immediate risk

But back on the topic of pivoting… which is honestly an overused word since the pandemic but I still think of the friends episode with the couch going up the staircase and Ross yelling PIVOT over and over again

Pivots happen when something doesn’t go as planned and you need to change directions

But learning to pivot in moments of uncertainty or disarray is crucial to building your resilience muscles, your confidence, and your ability to create a life that actually fits you

Avoiding the pivot puts you at risk of staying stuck in a life that isn’t right for you.. like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.. It’s never going to work out if you stay in the same wrong spot

So what do you do when you reach that oh shit something’s gotta change moment?

Well, that’s what I’m here to talk about with you

This is episode will help you feel better about the pivots you will make in your life or maybe have made as well as why they feel so sucky in the moment and how to pivot as gracefully as possible

So let’s start with normalizing the pivots that occur in adulthood

There are career ones like changing your major, picking a new career that has nothing to do with what you went to school for, leaving the safe path of a corporate job for the world of entrepreneurship, going back to school for something else, taking a sabbatical or time off altogether, having a full-time job and then taking a step back with a part time job

There are so many different ways you can change your career and it’s going to look different depending on the person

I remember I was working with a gentleman named Will a couple years ago and he came to me shortly after being laid off from his job and he didn’t know if he wanted to change industries, get his mba, or start his own company

Those are three very different options and after coaching together his path led him to first change industries.. Knowing that he would be taking a pay cut by going back to an entry level position

With the mission to eventually own his own advertising business

Career pivots definitely look a lot like putting your ego aside because you’re going to feel like a failure or behind when compared either to your peers or to where you thought you would be by a certain point in time

But you have to remind yourself that these changes are happening to support you in the long term

Sure you could stay at the same job and advance your career path because you’ve already put in a few years to this company or this career 

But what happens ten years from now when you’re still miserable or when nothing’s changed?

The longer you take to make the pivot, because of your ego or stubbornness, the harder it’s going to be to try out something new

We get more stubborn with age and less risk adverse because more gets put on the line: your reputation, your mortgage, your family, you lifestyle all of that becomes greater as you get older 

Meaning the less likely you are going to make a pivot

Another good example is my client’s boyfriend had a full-time job and after one year of working he quit it and is now working part time at a pickleball place

He got burnt quickly from his field, potentially just his company, and needed to take a break in order to figure out his next steps

And there is nothing wrong with that

It’s just scary because it’s unconventional and it’s not what you originally had in mind

Similarly, making a pivot in your relationship like calling off a long term relationship because you know this is not who you’re going to marry

It’s scary to step out of  relationship that might not even be bad, just not totally for you, because it brings in the fear that you won’t find anyone better, that you’ll end up single for life

But you have to have faith that there is someone out there for you who is a perfect match or that you are better off single than with someone you aren’t 100% about

While also doing that other person a favor of freeing them to find someone who will love 100% of them

I know I was scared to leave my ex because I was craving a sense of familiarity even though I had so many doubts about our future together and the way he treated me

But I was about to make all of the pivots like leaving my full time job for my business and moving to a new city in a new state

I just reached a point where his familiarity wasn’t worth it anymore and I’d rather make these other big changes alone than with him

Which is so common to want to hold on to what’s familiar when everything else in your life is changing because it provides you with a sense of comfort and stability

You just have to have enough awareness and guts to step into the instability on your own 

Another pivot in your twenties is changing cities. 

Where maybe you had a vision of your life in a certain city and it’s not turning out to be what you thought so you’re ready to move cities and change up your environment 

Maybe your reason for changing cities was to chase an opportunity

Maybe you followed your boyfriend or girlfriend and then you broke up

So it means starting over with a new friend group, joining different hobbies, exploring different areas

I moved to Orlando for a job and to Charlotte for myself and don’t regret either reason for moving, but it did come with a lot of other changes in my life

There’s even shifting your habits where you go from partying or eating out to being asleep by 9pm on a friday night and meal prepping most of your weekly meals

If you were a college athlete and have a desk job now then your identity makes a pivot as you become a NARP; a non-athletic regular person where no one knows you for your high level athleticism so you have to redefine who you are and what you like to do in your free time

There are so many times you’re going to change your direction from career, to relationships, to locations, hobbies, habits, financial decisions, think of anything you can change… which is everything

And realize that pivots happen within each of them

Some are just more drastic than others in the way that more than one thing is changing as a result of this pivotal moment or it’ll lead to other things changing as a result of this one singular pivot 

And it’s also important to recognize that some pivots are slower to take place and some are more immediate 

Both are scary and both require you to adjust your expectations, ego, and plan

Because pivoting does feel like starting over, it does feel like falling behind, it does feel like you failed

But none of those things are true for making a change in your life that serves you best

So let’s shift gears into how you go about making a pivot once you’ve realized the direction you’re going right now is no longer where you want to go

For one you need to start small, this will prevent your brain from having a total freak out moment with rapid changes 

If it’s a career change, start with the first step: research what is required of a new career or if you don’t even know what to change to, just that what you’re currently doing isn’t it, then start with trying a new interest or diving deeper into an old interest

That’s how I got into personal training

I had an interest in fitness and wanted to learn more, not even as a way to change my career path, but also knowing that it did present me with another option outside of interior design

So i went and became certified during my pandemic unemployment

If you’re pivoting out of a relationship, start with making a list for what you do what in a future partner

If you’re moving to a new location, start with researching events or the weather in a different area

If you’re changing your health it starts with making one small change in your existing lifestyle like going to bed 10 minutes earlier or waking up 10 minutes earlier, it’s drinking an extra glass of water, adding an extra ounce of chicken to your dinner

I recently had a call with someone about wanting to begin nutrition coaching with me and he was all in except for the part of his brain that was like ahhhhh no change no

And I talked him off that ledge by explaining to him it’s my job to make these changes so seamless that you don’t even realize they’re happening

There is no deprivation, no cutting things out, but rather focusing on what you can add into your diet

Big Pivots start with small changes, it’s why there’s a saying that small hinges swing big doors.. It’s because it’s a gradual build

Providing this pivot is not immediate but more in your control.. Which isn’t going to happen with every pivot in your life

But small steps even look like having conversations with other people about different paths based on your category of pivot 

The second part, and arguably the most important part, when it comes to making this pivot is to release the end result

Don’t focus on the bigger, grander plan

Focus on exploring what could be next for you, while also knowing that that could change down the line

That also coincides with release your attachment to the right plan or the way things were supposed to be

That this was supposed to be your career, or you’re supposed to have a stable job; that this was supposed to be the person you were going to marry, that this was supposed to be the city you settle down in

It’s hard when we tie some giant piece of our identity to an outcome we imagined for ourselves and when it doesn’t go as planned we feel lost

So be okay with not knowing the outcome, you’re going to be better off for when life throws an unexpected wrench in your life

It’ll help you be more resilient to what’s happening and more open to what could be next

Without being too corny, your adult life is going to be filled with neverending pivots in ways you might least expect it to happen, but it’s all necessary as you move through your journey of creating a life you want for yourself

And regardless of what area of your life is calling for this change, it’s all going to feel the same, but what’s nice is that the process to embracing it is also going to be the same

But i get it, pivoting sucks, especially in the moment, but it’s part of being an adult

Things change, plans change, and pivoting just serves as another reminder that you’re not supposed to have it all figured out

That no one ever has it all figured out

So the point of making this pivot isn’t to know exactly where you’re going next, it’s just to recognize that the old path isn’t the right one for you anymore

If you’re listening because you’re at the ‘somethings gotta change point’ then great what’s one small step you can take to get you on a new path, without being focused on whether or not it’s the right path or how it’ll impact your entire future

Because at the end of the day, every pivot you will ever go through it just part of the process to carving out your unique life

A life that is more you and less everyone else

It’s just the first time you’re experiencing these molds because you’ve entered adulthood where there are a lot more choices and paths than you’ve ever seen in your entire life

So it’s going to be scary, if not overwhelming at times

Which is why i keep saying start with one step and release the what happens next expectations

Lean into the unknown, you’ll be better off for it

And if you ever need help with your pivot so you don’t spiral out in the process then please know.. I am always one click away from scheduling a call

The link to my calendar is always in the show notes for you guys to access where it says let’s chat

But otherwise this does conclude another episode of how to twenty-something, if you liked what you heard, if you’ve experienced your own pivot, or if you know someone who is going through one right now, then shoot them this episode, post it to social media and tag me at coach.jessdiamond when you do

Just please help me expand my reach of this podcast, I can’t do it alone, and I know there are so many twenty-somethings out there who need to listen to me talk as they try to navigate the most confusing decade of their life

And as always, I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode