Why quitters sometimes win

Welcome back to another episode of how to twenty-something where today i’m going to be talking to you about quitting

You know the phrase quitters never win and winners never quit? Well, I think that’s true to some extent, but sometimes quitters are the winners

And that’s what i’ll be diving into today

Because you can quit anything and you can come up with a justification behind your reason for quitting, but there are going to be times where giving up on something is far more beneficial for you than roughing it out or seeing it through to, not even to the end, but the other side

I mean think about it we quit relationships, jobs, sports, hobbies, books, an old way of being or a habit, essentially you can choose to stop anything for any reason at any time

And that’s what quitting is it’s a voluntary act of stopping or leaving something

And it’s as negative as we’ve made it out to be

We’re made to believe that quitting is a sign of failure or weakness, that we’ve given up and we’re not strong enough to fight it out and overcome our own obstacles and that we’re failures for not continuing on

But have you ever thought that the reason behind why you’re quitting is to put yourself first, prioritize your own sanity and well-being, maybe some new goals you’ve set no longer support some of the actions you’re taking, or it’s time to remove yourself from a bad situation, including people

Don’t get me wrong, I think there is great value in finishing something you’ve started like a sports season or a course for example or talking it out with a friend to make amends and not end a friendship

But that’s not what this episode is about.. Because a lot of things in your adult life don’t have certain seasons or end dates associated to them anymore, there’s no more clear cut finish line and decision to continue to pursue or not

A lot of adulting is an endless loop, making it harder to create your endings and new beginnings

So this episode is about quitting and changing your relationship to quitting, so you don’t view as negatively as I think our parents made us believe

Because there is a difference between quitting out of fear and quitting out of wisdom

When you quit something, when you remove it from your life, you are simultaneously opening up space for something new to come in

It’s letting go of something or someone that no longer serves you or supports the life you’re after, so your goals, and as a result helps you open doors to better opportunities that you otherwise would not have gone after or experienced

I think quitting forces you to step up and change what was not working in your life and trade it in for the chance of something else to work out for you

The timing of this episode was inspired by two things: one was a topic in the book barking up the wrong tree and the other was when i started planning this episode out I was a few days shy of sending my resignation letter to the owners of my f45, which is one of the gyms I worked at for 3 years

Barking up the wrong tree talks about the ways we’re not thinking of success with quitting being one of those things and further breaks down everything I just mentioned about quitting actually being a good thing

Leaving F45 was not an easy decision, but doing so allowed my schedule to be more open, my energy to be more happy because that manager was a nightmare to deal with, and as a result I’ve signed new online clients, booked speaking engagements, had time to create my workshops, felt less stressed, and felt all this weight on my shoulders be lifted

Stepping away from f45 meant stepping up in my own life and business because I no longer had extra income that I could rely on

It forced me to grow and I did

And I will say that quitting that place was probably the best decision I could’ve made for myself

It definitely wasn’t easy at first, I was and still am deeply afraid of the unknown, but then it shifted into get me out of there and I was counting down the days until I no longer had to put on that uniform and deal with the owners, but overall, i am proud to say I am a quitter

You’re going to quit your job too, in fact you’re going to quit many jobs throughout your life

But knowing why you’re quitting, and being at peace with your decision to quit is extremely important 

While also knowing that you are going to feel a sense of guilt, especially if as your quit date gets closer and situations level out you might think oh maybe it’s not so bad, maybe I can stick it out

But please know that your feelings of guilt are normal and they in no way mean you are making a mistake on your decision to let something go

But you do need to clarify an end date

Don’t just quit whatever it is on the spot because while yes you’re making space for something new to come in, you still need to plan for what that new thing is going to be

It’s where a lot of quitters don’t win, because they’ve opened up space but haven’t thought about what’s going to take its place

I’ll use habits as an example, let’s say you want to quit the habit of scrolling on social media before bed

You’re setting yourself up for failure if you think you can just put your phone elsewhere and not fill that doom scroll time with something else

Even if that something else is watching tv, although i highly recommend it be reading a book

It’s going into the decision to quit something with the game plan of what else is going to be for you as a result of removing this other thing

Quitting F45 meant knowing how I was going to use my new time freedom which consisted of planning out my workshop that I held in April, the one i’m running for parents of twenty-somethings at the end of this month and going to new networking events

What i didn’t do was just sit around and be like okay I left my schedule open, now Universe come fill it with new clients and speaking engagements

While i wish it were that easy, that’s just not how life works, I have to work for those clients and speaking engagements by planning out how I am going to use my time knowing my day is no longer being split in half by coaching a group fitness class

So pick your end date and make your plan

But I want to jump back to quitting out of fear vs wisdom because i think this is the difference between being confident and feeling good about your decision, after the fact, or feeling regret and having the ‘oh shit what did I just do moment’ 

Quitting out of fear is more related to the negative side of quitting because you don’t feel qualified/ you’re lacking confidence in your ability to see something through

Like trying to switch career paths and receiving a few rejections from jobs you’ve applied to, so you decide that it’s just not meant to be and you give up trying to pursue a different path for yourself and then regretting your decision to quit later 

Quitting out of fear is giving up on something because of setbacks you’ve experienced or feelings of inadequacy when you let your imposter syndrome rule your decisions

Quitting out of wisdom, is what i hope this episode will help you with because it’s when you recognize that staying is costing you more than it’s giving to you

Like coming to the decision to leave a toxic workplace, leave a bad relationship, leave your current career path in search of something more fulfilling

What’s funny, is saying all of that out loud, I can recognize that in 2021 I left a bad relationship, in 2022 I left my interior design career path for my coaching business, and in 2023 I left an old friend group, and in 2025 I left group fitness

It’s important to note that none of those decisions were made lightly, they all required months of thought, and in the end I came to the conclusion that I would rather regret trying and failing than not trying and living in the state of misery I was in with each of those situations

And I am happy to report that I do not regret leaving my relationship, jumping ship on my career path, stepping away from friends and saying by tof45

My life has continuously improved as a result of my decisions to quit

Actually, now that I think about it, most of my clients come to me to help them with their own versions of quitting or at least needing help with making the decision to see whether they want to quit something or not

And what I have them do at first is to try to improve their current situation, do what’s within their control to make friends, enjoy the work they’re doing, communicate effectively, etc 

I have them really try so they can alleviate some of their feelings of misery while we work on a new plan, or what also happens is it changes their view on what’s currently going on their life and they don’t need to change anything besides their own mindset and how they show up in their life

But persevering through a tough situation is not easy and it’s not for everyone

It doesn’t mean your weak, in fact, it’s the opposite 

It shows a great deal of strength to let go of something that is no longer for you instead of staying to try to make something work when it’s definitely not working and you’re basically pushing a giant boulder up a hill until one day you don’t have the strength to carry it anymore and it crushes you

Which looks like burnout, having no energy for anything else in your life, lots of tears, the occasional panic attack, frequently getting sick, feeling like you need a punching bag on standby, or if you’re me then it’s a rage run

A lot of quitting comes from having a high level of self awareness so you can identify what is helping you versus hurting you

And part of that identification is knowing whether you’re feeling drained or feeling challenged and how to tell the difference

Because on the surface both will exhaust you, increase your stress, and will cause anxiety, so how do you know when it’s the type of exhaustion, stress, and anxiety that’s good for you or when it’s the type that is setting off alarm bells for you to walk away?

Well, start with asking yourself if you’re learning anything new, is there any sense of progress or excitement that comes with feeling exhausted. 

Or if you’re stressed, are you stressed but you’re being pushed to problem solve and think on your feet and is forcing you to grow

Because then I would say you’re  feeling challenged and you should persevere through this tough time

If you are constantly feeling exhausted and can reflect on the last few weeks and see that you’re doing everything ‘right’ but you’re not getting any sense of accomplishment, then you’re feeling drained and it’s probably time to take a step back from what’s not working

Or when it comes to stress, do you feel stressed and it feels like you’re on a neverending hamster wheel that’s impossible to get off of and no matter what you do or how much effort you put in you constantly feel undervalued and underappreciated or working towards nothing in particular, then that also means you’re in a draining situation

I think the difference between feeling drained and feeling challenged is asking yourself if given the option, would you choose this again for yourself

Sometimes you just need some support or patience and other times you need to exit – but it’s your level of self-awareness to recognize the kind of discomfort you’re facing and if it’s going to have long term benefits or if it’s simply not working

But being a winner in the realm of quitting means knowing when it’s time to cut your losses and walk away before the cost is too high

And for you as the individual it’s knowing what that means for you, what is your ‘I’ve had enough’ moment and then what are you going to do when you get there

Going back to my F45 example, I realized my time was coming to close around the end of January because the owner was adamant on the trainers taking two classes a week every week without pay and on our own time

To which I set a hard boundary of that’s not possible for me from a schedule standpoint and for my body as I was already very overtrained and only working out twice a week on my own with my own knowledge of programming and rest periods and exercises my body needed

As a result, the owner cut my schedule in half from 8-10 classes a week to 5

Then, at the beginning of February I caught the flu and the owner once again went to cut my schedule and told me to work out instead of coach the morning class, this was said to me 24 hours after I had a 103.4 fever

Towards the end of february I reached my tipping point when I found out, through another trainer, that the owner was docking my pay without communicating to me that she was doing so all of sudden

And when approached, she got mad at the other trainer for informing me, and then looped it back to me not taking two classes a week

The toxic energy and the complete and utter disrespect, was taking a toll on my life outside of that studio, a very very part-time job, mind you

And remember a few minutes ago, when I mentioned you need to come up with a timeline and a game plan

Well, I spoke with my coach on what my plan was, how I was going to fill my newfound free time, and mentally preparing for the temporary adjustment in my income with the energetic hopes that it will come back tenfold with new and better opportunities that relate to my passion in making an impact in the world

And now I’m free, I’m relieved, I’m happy to be rid of that place, but more specifically that owner.. Don’t even get me started on the high level of toxic behavior I received with sending in my resignation letter

But pushing through something to save face or to prove a point is only going to end up hurting you, it’s not a flex when you know deep down that it’s just not working in your life anymore

And that’s okay

You’re going to continue to grow in your life which means you’ll come across new experiences, people, or opportunities that are going to subconsciously ask you to step up or step aside

Quitting let’s you step aside to step up

It’s letting go of what’s no longer for you to make room for something better

While also making sure that you are thinking something through and not making an impulsive decision based on the heightened emotions you’re making right now

Because the world, and other people, are going to test you and sometimes passing the test means eliminating that person from your life and other times passing means working hard 

Both lead to growth, it’s how you feel about the situation and what’s next for you that will determine whether you actually are growing or if you are the one getting in your own way and simply giving up when the going gets tough

It’s a decision only you can make for yourself

Of course I can help you come to whatever decision is going to support you best and the plan that needs to be put in place to support said decision, but at the end of the day it’s your life

And it’s a learning experience because sometimes you’re going to quit something and not feel like a winner and other times you’re going to quit something and it’s the best thing you could’ve done for yourself

So give yourself some grace and know that with time you’re going to be smarter with what and whom you decide to quit

Because remember: sometimes quitters are the winners

And that is how I’m going to wrap up this episode so if you liked what you heard, if you feel better about quitting, or know someone who doesn’t know whether quitting is the right thing to do for their situation or not, then please share this episode, send it to a friend, post it on social media, give me a five star rating

Help me help as many twenty-somethings as I can and as always I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode