YOU vs Alcohol

Welcome back to How To Twenty-Something, get ready for a heated episode filled with a ton of perspective shifts on the role alcohol plays in your life

I’m going to preface this with, today’s episode is not to convince you to quit drinking alcohol but it is created to challenge your relationship with it – and open your eyes to both the good and bad things that come with drinking alcohol

And hopefully by the end of this episode you feel more empowered to make a choice that is aligned with your values and goals and not because society has deemed it normal or because you feel peer pressured into going along with the crowd

I also want to add that if you’re part of the twenty-somethings who need liquid courage to feel more relaxed and confident, or like your true self surfaces when you’re under the influence, then please head to the show notes or directly to jessdiamondcoaching.com/confidence to receive a free resource that contains my top 3 ways to walk into any room with confidence

So you don’t feel so reliant on alcohol to help you get there

But over the course of this episode I’m going to walk you through the negative effects of alcohol, the purpose behind it, and uncover all the reasons as to why you feel so dependent on it, as well as why it’s necessary to include in your life and then throughout all of that I’ll share my sober curious journey

If you know me, then you know I’m personally not a fan of alcohol and I do demonize it when it comes to being reckless, but I also know that your twenties are known for partying and getting drunk and living it up – so I’m very realistic with my clients when it comes to the topic of alcohol

I don’t scold them for drinking, but it also comes as no surprise that every single person i have ever worked with has severely decreased their alcohol consumption and shifted their relationship to alcohol for the better

There comes point of maturity and of honestly mental health where your relationship to alcohol does need to shift so you can set yourself up for a lifetime of success and happiness

And that’s what I’m here to talk to you about today

I’m going to start off with the positives of drinking and that is in relation to your social health

I think when it comes to different healths people forget that as humans we crave a sense of community and a lot of bonding and celebrations include alcohol

As well as from a cultural aspect, but in that respect, people aren’t getting blacked out at a shabbat dinner, okay

I personally will drink alcohol for a special occasion, it’s honestly why i don’t say i’m sober, because I don’t consider myself to be sober

Like if someone makes or orders a really unique drink and offers me a sip, I’m going to try it

But otherwise, if I’m in the mood and only if I’m in the mood during a special occasion such as a wedding, then I’ll drink on my own accord

I personally think the mentality behind going sober is very restrictive because you’re telling yourself you can’t have any and what can happen as a result is all of your mental power goes towards trying to prevent yourself from giving in to these temptations

And when you’re surrounded by people consuming alcohol or at an event centered around it your ability to stay disciplined is largely impacted

You feel more pressured to drink or self conscious about not drinking that you give in to avoid those uncomfortable feelings

Now if you’re an alcoholic or allergic to alcohol or any other circumstance where you seriously cannot and should not have alcohol then yes please be sober, there is nothing wrong with doing that

I’m simply referring to those of you who want to strip yourself of all alcohol for personal reasons rather than for medical reasons I guess you could say

Alcohol can actually be healthy for you to indulge in, if you aren’t part of the population who finds themselves drinking because it’s friday or you had a tough day or you’re sad or stressed

It can help you feel relaxed, enjoy yourself with people you care about, and enhance your relationships

That is pretty much the only positive alcohol has, specifically from a bonding standpoint and I guess from an anxiety standpoint

Because at the end of the day, most people abuse it, most people turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism or because it’s quote unquote the normal thing to do

But I’m here to tell you that just because something is considered normal does not mean it’s good for you

And alcohol is one of those examples, it’s literally poison

Every time you go out drinking, or even stay in drinking, you are voluntarily putting this toxin into your body

And what happens as a result is your body freezes all other processes and prioritizes getting rid of it

So sleep gets disrupted, digestion comes to a halt, everything stops because your body is fighting it’s hardest to keep you alive which means removing the unwanted toxins you willingly ingested

The loopy feeling, the high, the dizziness, the hangover, literally every side effect you’re experiencing from the highs to the lows of drinking alcohol is the poison

It’s toxic, yet our society has normalized it

Now I personally, don’t really drink for a multitude of reasons and the fact that it’s poison, honestly isn’t one of them.. Well sort of

When I’m out, and I meet someone new, and they ask me why I don’t drink, I respond with “I’m protecting all of my healths”

And what I mean is my financial, mental, emotional, nutritional, and physical healths

Financially speaking, alcohol is expensive, and I don’t know if you know this, but I’m self employed and I’m not going to spend my money on frivolous activities that aren’t adding value to my life

This is my personal opinion as I don’t feel like alcohol adds value to my life

For those of you who aren’t self employed, but feel like you never have enough money because you’re drastically underpaid for today’s economy then I’m sorry to tell you this, but this also applies to you

I hear all the time that all of these twenty-somethings are living paycheck to paycheck.. When in reality you’re spending hundreds of dollars a month on your alcohol endeavors

When I graduated college my starting salary was 35,000 before taxes and I was able to save a couple hundred every month – this was also at a time when I was drinking just about every weekend, but my rule was every time I went out, I could buy myself one drink

And from that point on, I either was not drinking that night or someone else, say a boy I met along the way, would be buying my drinks

If you’re a guy listening, that might be more difficult for you, but you can set a limit for yourself as to how much you are willing to spend in one weekend and hold yourself to that standard

I once had a male client who would say he could set a limit, but then in the moment the night would get away from him and all of a sudden he’s spent upwards of $500 on himself and those around him

So we talked about getting a visa card, like one of those prepaid cards, putting 150 on it and only using that for a night out

And what would happen was he was forced to pay more attention to how much money he was spending and also realized how easy it was to spend that kind of money

The result of implementing this trick was 6 months after we were done with our coaching partnership he was able to save enough money to put down money for his own condo

Because he would literally spend about 500 every friday, saturday, and potentially sunday and that adds up quick

Again, I’m not saying you should never drink or that alcohol is the devil, but I am saying be fucking for real right now

Don’t complain about your finances when you’re spending any extra money you could have on alcohol every single weekend

What you’re really spending your dollars on is immediate gratification with no thought about the long term consequences, and not just financial consequences as I’ll get into

But you reason, that it’s okay to spend a couple hundred dollars on one fun night out for the memories and forget that you can’t even recall the fun night out because of all the alcohol

And then wake up hungover and convince yourself it was worth it because the night was fun even if you can’t remember the fun parts

Like those dollars could be allocated towards a trip or towards improving your life, for the long term, like working with a coach

I know saving isn’t very fun because saving means delaying your gratification, but you could save your money and invest it, or be able to afford your own place like my client was able to

The bottomline is, alcohol destroys your financial health because your inhibition to stop or slow down is drastically reduced, and you get too carried away time and time again, meaning you spend more money than you ever plan to on every single, or almost every single night out

I’m not trying to tell you how to spend your money, but I do want to wake you up to a life that exists outside of the bar

Outside of your financial health and realizing where your extra money is actually going, alcohol severely damages your mental health too as I’m sure you’re well aware of

Now I know what it’s like to have a wild night out and send that risky text or let your real feelings take over where maybe you say some things that you didn’t think through so it came out all wrong

I also know what it’s like when you’re out and getting drunk and something bad happens where you’re hysterically crying and can’t get a grip on your emotions

Or how about doing something really really stupid, like try to convince a cop that your fake id is really yours.. That’s just an example because my mom and my sister listen to this show and they know I would never be that stupid

But then the worst part with each of those scenarios is when you wake up the next day filled with regret

And your sober self has to live with your drunk actions

And now all of your mental energy is replaying the questionable and regretful decisions from the night before only increasing your anxiety

So while alcohol might provide you with temporary relief from a stressful moment in your life, or make an exciting moment even better, it really results in you feeling worse than before once the effects wear off

Because at the end of the day, alcohol is a depressant.. It quite literally depresses your neural activity that helps you otherwise think clearly and make good judgment calls

It also exacerbates feelings as I mentioned with my examples

I still cringe to this day over some of the things I did while very intoxicated in college

And that was when I was a kid with no real responsibilities, I can only imagine how actual adults in the post college world feel after making a really dumb decision because they were under the influence

I used to be a partier, I went to an SEC school where that was a major part of the college experience where by senior spring we were at the bars 5 of the 7 nights in a week

Alcohol became a habit.. Even though I wasn’t blacking out, I was still putting this liquid into my system more nights than not

I mean during my junior year, my friend kylie and I would study at the library and then when we were done we would pull out her magic 8 ball app and ask if we should go to salty’s which is a bar in Gainesville, and it would say the answer points to yes so we would go to get a beer with our backpacks directly from the library

My roommates and I would also take shots while studying or shots if your exam went poorly.. It became so constant and so normal that I didn’t think anything was wrong with the role alcohol played in my life

I’m telling you this because I get it, alcohol is fun, but it’s your relationship to it that is detrimental to your quality of life

Now, I got out of drinking every weekend during the pandemic because everything was shut down and I didn’t see a point to drinking in my apartment

And then when life continued to be stressful i knew I wouldn’t be helping my mental health if I continued to drink like I had in college

Fast forward to today, being self-employed and having my business be my image, there is no way I want to risk making some stupid drunk mistake that jeopardizes everything I’ve worked for

The third health alcohol ruins is your physical health and this one is impacted in a couple of different ways – aesthetically your body is going to go down hill and then from a habit standpoint you’re going to skip out on your workout and not eat well

Because when you’re hungover and your head pounding and you’re potentially throwing up, the last thing you’re going to do is go to the gym or workout

You’ll also be coming off of shit sleep because alcohol disrupts your body’s natural sleep cycle, as well as when you go out drinking, you are going to come home later and go to bed later and wake up later only with worse sleep throughout the night

So while you’re probably able to fall asleep faster since it promotes drowsiness, you’re normal cycles, mainly rem or rapid eye movement, gets fucked

We need that cycle to restore our brain and our body and recover and repair

Meaning, because you chose to go out and party like you were still in college, you’re stressing your body out, not just from the poison you willingly put into it, but also because you’re not going to sleep well and get the restful sleep your body demands

Like, think about it from an evolutionary standpoint – if we didn’t need sleep we would have a found a way to get around it

Sleep puts us in our most vulnerable state and is filled with hours of not being productive – yet even with all of our technology, we still demand sleep and if we go too long without we enter a state of psychosis 

You could go longer without food and water than you could without sleep before suffering any consequences

And here you are, every weekend, putting yourself in this unnecessary state of stress through sleep deprivation

For what? For an hour of fun that you actually remember? Is it worth it? Don’t let me be the one to tell if it is or isn’t, I’m just here to put things into perspective

And that really comes down to knowing there is more to life than a night out every single friday, saturday, and sunday funday

We are not in college anymore, our bodies can’t handle this kind of treatment long term, you’re not getting any younger

I know I stress the importance of sleep in every other episode but it’s because you’re still not prioritizing it!!

From a nutritional standpoint you’re going to put yourself into a surplus every weekend because alcohol has calories and you’re out later so you’re going to be hungry during a time you would otherwise be asleep and then the choices you make to satisfy your hunger are not going to be healthy either

Because no one comes home from a night out and craves a carrot

So those late night taco bell runs or when I was in college it was pizza by the slice are not going to help your body

Not with the way it looks and not with the way it feels

Your love handles, your belly pooch, your consistent weight gain as you move through your twenties and beyond are only going to get worse if you don’t clean up your relationship to alcohol

And as i mentioned briefly towards the beginning of this episode, your digestion comes to a complete halt

Meaning your body is going to stop breaking down any and all foods for upwards of the following 24 hours, to prioritize removing the alcohol from your system

So then what happens to the food you are eating.. Well if your body isn’t able to break it down that means it’s not going to allocate the nutrients in the food you’re consuming to its proper places and then use the rest for fuel

Instead, what’s happening is your body is thinking.. Okay well we’re dying because we have this poison in us.. So this food will just have to be taken care of later, if we have time.. Let ‘s leave it on the hips for now

And not to mention your organs are being damaged too.. It’s the things you can’t see or feel but get affected time and time again until it’s too late

So if you’re a chronic drinker as in you consume at least 7 drinks in a 7 day span – not daily – but if you have 3 drinks on friday and 4 on saturday more weekends then not, you are considered a chronic drinker and your liver is being destroyed

Which then impairs your body’s natural metabolic capabilities or in layman’s terms the way it processes everything that you consume

Your stomach issues are from your alcohol consumption due to the chronic inflammation to your digestive system from your drinking habit

Your immune system is suppressed so your ability to fight off infections becomes more difficult again because your body is prioritizing this liquid 

And, probably to no surprise, your kidneys are being destroyed because that is your body’s natural filtration system and if you keep forcing your kidneys to filter out the alcohol then you are slowly damaging them and you are increasing your likelihood of developing a kidney disease

Overall, moderate consumption may not cause significant harm, at least not right now in your twenties, but think long term and your relationship to alcohol

You’re literally making your life harder when you resort to your alcoholic tendencies because you don’t want to face whatever problem is occurring right in that moment

And you use it to self soothe

Or you don’t want to face your own awkwardness or insecurities

Really the only positive non-coping mechanism use of alcohol is when it comes to religious practices or celebrations

And no, celebrating the end of the work week or tough work day does not count as cause for celebrating

So how can we fix this.. How can your relationship to your own brain and life and substances improve?

Well for one, you need to ask yourself why you’re drinking when you have the urge to quench your thirst

Pair it with an emotion or a feeling, for example, are you nervous, stressed, overwhelmed, sad, excited, happy

Or pair it with an outcome you’re after, do you want to feel relaxed, confident, courageous, happy, numb that’s a big one

Once you can identify why you are resorting to your friend, Mr. Alcohol, you can then start to substitute this coping mechanism with something else

So what can you do instead that will scratch the same itch

For instance, if you want to feel relaxed, can you take a bubble bath or do yoga or deep breathing

If you’re sad and wanting to feel better, maybe you can go for a walk or have a nice conversation with a friend, or let yourself cry, or jump on your bed and be a kid again

If you had a tough day at work the same things apply – it’s up to you to figure out what’s going to help you feel better that isn’t alcohol related

In my coaching practice, we call this a nourishment menu

It’s writing down all of the things you can think of, when you are feeling good and neutral in your life, and have this list in your back pocket ready to go for when the going gets rough

Because it will

And when you’re in that shitty state of mind, you’re not going to want to think of things you can do that will soothe you in that moment outside of your normal habit of drinking alcohol

Which is why you need to make your list now.. It doesn’t have to be long but you’re going to want a range of activities that make you feel good and are conducive towards your goals

So think around 10 different things

From playing your favorite song and dancing around, to meditating, to going for a run.. I know do that when I’m angry

But this is your list it’s for you to look back to the next time you want to drink alcohol instead of face your problems head on

The bottomline is, when used properly, alcohol isn’t the devil.. I personally don’t like it and don’t feel a need for it to be regularly included in my life

I also know a lot more people have started their own sober curious journey within the last year, year and a half which I think is great

I’m sorry to the bars but there is more that exists in this world than a night out and it’s up to you if you want to venture out and explore what that looks like for you

And know that I’m here to help you figure that out too

Remember you and I have the same goal.. We both want you to like your life and all that it has to offer and not live a life of regrets

And alcohol robs you of a lot of that 

It’s time to learn more about your interests and hobbies what lights you up and you’ll start to understand that you don’t need alcohol anymore and you don’t want alcohol anymore

Choosing to go out and drink is making a sacrifice to all of your healths.. 

Know your priorities, goals, and reasons behind drinking and you’ll find yourself beginning to make better decisions that support the things that truly matter

And let me know what changes in your life as a result

Because I can almost guarantee that your health factors improve, your relationships with other people, your sense of self, your bank account, and the choices you make on a regular basis will all get better

That’s what I have for you on you vs alcohol, like I said, it’s not the devil if you have a healthy relationship to it, but hopefully by now you’re feeling more inspired than ever to improve the way alcohol shows up in your life and not let it dictate how you show up in your life

If you liked what you heard, please for the love of god share it.. Share it with your best friend, your grandma, your cousins, post it on social media and tag me at coach.jessdiamond when you do

And if you want me to help you on this journey so you don’t become 80 and look back on your life and feel reget, the link to schedule a call is always in the show notes

But otherwise this concludes another episode of how to twenty-something and I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode