Jess Diamond (00:00.142)

Before I actually begin, I feel like I need to say this episode is going to use the word femininity a lot. And for some reason, my brain has trouble pronouncing it. I feel like Nemo in Finding Nemo where he’s trying to say an enemy. He’s like, live in an enemy and that’s how I feel with femininity. So bear with me as I say that word throughout this episode. Otherwise, welcome back to another episode of how to 20 something where today’s topic

is all about using your femininity to attract and not demand. I feel like there are a lot of conversations around toxic masculinity or being in your feminine energy, but we don’t really talk about what it means to find the balance in both to attract the treatment you want and not demand it. And I’m not just talking about romantic partners either. This is any relationship from professional to familial to cordial, as well as romantic.

The best part of being in your feminine energy is that this isn’t based on gender, but rather energy, which is what we’ll get into throughout this episode. So yes, guys need to be in touch with their feminine side as much as women do and arguably even a little more than women. But I’m really excited for this episode because Becca is bringing a unique perspective to this concept as an adventurous who is in a male dominated field, but is able to remain respected and in touch with her feminine side.

So to any females listening who also work in a male dominated industry, any 20 something who feels they are too young to be respected, and any man who worries that being feminine will dissuade girls from being attracted to them, listen up because this episode is for you. Becca Ploner is a sponsored adventure athlete, podcast host and feminine embodiment coach who helps outdoor loving women turn their fear into power.

Jess Diamond (01:58.626)
With a background in whitewater kayaking and a deep devotion to cyclical wisdom, expressive movement and intuition, Becca guides clients to grow their confidence and connection in the wild, both within and around them. She’s the host of the Wild Woman podcast with 99 plus episodes and the founder of FemInFlow, a program to build self-trust in high pressure spaces. Whether she’s dancing on the riverbank or supporting clients through Life’s Rapids,

Becca’s work is a call to stop forcing life to happen and start flirting with it. Hi, Becca, and welcome to How to 20 something.

Becca (02:31.817)
Hi, it’s so nice to be here.

Jess Diamond (02:36.012)
Yeah, like I said, I’m excited to have this conversation and I want to start with having you define femininity and maybe even include how our culture defines it versus what you feel it really is.

Becca (02:49.635)
Yeah, so I think it’s easier for me to start with how our culture defines it. I feel like when I hear a lot of like when I make a post on social media about femininity and get like a bunch of hate comments and shit like that, like the classic response that comes up is like stop bringing in gender to it. Like this isn’t like they some people will come at me as like, you’re like

like dismissing trans rights and like that all that stuff and I’m like that is not at all like I that’s not at all what this topic is about for me and like then on the complete opposite side of the spectrum I’ll have like folks who who are non-binary or trans or like that kind of thing and they’re like my gosh I’ve never heard anyone talk about this topic in this way that is like

not actually a gendered thing, it’s like an energy thing. Like we can, you can be a feminine man and you can be a masculine woman and you can not identify as trans. Like, I mean, yeah, it’s so, so like, really view femininity and masculinity as like an energy kind of like, like you maybe have heard of yin and yang or, um, think there’s, there’s like a bunch of, lot of different cultures have, have this concept.

of feminine and masculine energy and they call it different things. And so basically I think of like femininity as like finding a like empowered surrender and also like expression, it’s a lot of expression and not like.

I don’t, it’s basically the opposite of hustle culture. The opposite of like, I have to do, do, do, do, do. It’s everything is based on productivity. And so femininity, my definition that is not a dictionary definition is like, yeah, like the feminine is expressive. It’s soft. It goes with the flow. It’s adaptable. It’s very, not gendered at all.

Becca (04:59.185)
And, and it’s an energy that doesn’t work without the other energy. So like the masculine energy is a big part of the feminine energy as well. It’s like, I describe it a lot of times. I heard this analogy from someone else. have no idea where, where the, like, it’s the idea of like a cup. basically like your cup is the masculine energy. It’s the structure. It’s the.

the container and then you fill it with the water and the water is the feminine energy. goes, it fits into the container of the cup and you can have just the feminine energy and you got a puddle or you can have just the masculine energy and you have an empty cup. But if you really want to take like a sip of water, sipping it out of just the feminine, sipping it out of a puddle on the ground is not helpful and having just an empty cup is not helpful. So it’s really like about having that balance.

Jess Diamond (06:00.834)
Yeah, I like that analogy. It’s a good one. I, my, my best friend and I talk about this concept a lot of like your feminine energy versus masculine energy, especially when we were dating and then now even more so being in relationships because we’re both entrepreneurial. We’re both very go, go, go. We both have that hustle culture. We have to do work all the time mentality. And that’s just the way we naturally exist. So we naturally teeter on more of the masculine energy side of things.

So it’s really important for us to find a guy who’s gonna put us in our feminine energy. And I’ll say her boyfriend does a really, really good job of doing that. Like always opens the doors for her, cooks every single meal for her, constantly buys her flowers, like showers her in her feminine energy. my boyfriend, I mean, my boyfriend like works well with me, because I personally don’t think I have the capabilities to fully sit in my feminine energy. Just…

the I am a full time entrepreneur and she’s not so like there is that that nuance like that discrepancy of balances but that we both experience in a different way. But it’s very interesting to watch from the outside looking in of her knowing who she was before she met her boyfriend and how much she was in her masculine energy compared to now when she’s with him and I just see her like sit back and just be waited on essentially. It’s really really interesting and it’s

again, not to say like this is only for females to be able to do, because we’ve also had the conversations of how we feel it is important for our boyfriends to be in their feminine energies. And that’s also something we’re not used to. think we’re used to the macho masculine guy who does not express emotions, who is not in touch with any part of like their brain, their body, their ability to show empathy and express care and…

that is something that we need. So it’s like, yes, I am attracted to the feminine side of my boyfriend because I need that level of connection that he brings by being in touch with his feminine energy.

Becca (08:07.369)
Yeah, yeah, I love like, how you’re you’re kind of like looking at each other as like case studies and in some ways like here’s my here’s one example of how these energies like balance out and here’s here’s another example and I like have constantly been attracted to like guys who are very feminine. I think because I also am very in touch with my masculine energy like also being an entrepreneur and just like

being in so many male dominated spaces, I’m like, well, I’m like, I’m one of the guys, I’m one of the bros. And I’ve learned how to kind of mold myself into those. And I find, I’ve found for myself, it’s like actually a lot easier for me to be in that like male or not male, but like be in that masculine energy of like, oh, the structure feels safe. like having a system feels safe. Like knowing all of those things feels.

like, I don’t have to like, I don’t know, I don’t have to let go in a lot of ways. Letting go feels uncertain and chaotic and crazy and unknown, like, I don’t know what’s gonna happen. There’s a lot of trust in the femininity. Yeah.

Jess Diamond (09:25.634)
which is why it’s important, because I’m that same way of like, I can just get it done myself. That’s me being in my masculine and it’s not healthy to be all in one or all in another all the time. So you started to talk about the balance with the cup analogy, but can you walk us through what that balance looks like in a healthy way for men as well as for women? So you can separate the two or you can combine it however you want to describe how people can start implementing more

care around finding that balance and what that looks like and how they can begin doing that.

Becca (10:00.039)
Yeah, yeah, I think before I can even go into that, there’s like, right now we’ve been talking about it in terms of masculinity and femininity. But there’s actually kind of four categories, where there is a lot of like books and resources and stuff on this topic. We’ll call it the divine feminine and like the wounded feminine and same for masculine.

I don’t know if I love those words. It’s like, wow, we’re going into all of these charged words of like bringing God into this now or like bringing religion and then the wounded, like trauma stuff, which I feel like can be a bit of a taboo subject as well. But anyway, I haven’t necessarily found words that I love describing them with, but so I’ll use those terms, the divine and then the wounded. And so basically the divine is like,

is like, this is my highest version of myself. This is the most like healed or this is the most like true version of this. And that’s what we’re seeking. And then the wounded, so like examples of divine feminine, that would be like, you totally, you are able to trust in the unknown. I guess I’ll talk in like, I feel like I use a lot of metaphors in like adventure sports, because that’s so present in my life.

so in terms of adventure sports, like whitewater kayaking, for example, an example of the divine feminine showing up would be, I, so I was, I was paddling yesterday after, after my client calls and I went to the river and at the top of the biggest rapid, was like, all right.

I guess this is an example of both the divine masculine and the divine feminine, because you can’t really have them without each other. They don’t exist without each other, really. So I had the, I’m sitting in the pool above the big rapid and I’m like, alright. This is, I’m scared. My body is like, like heightened. I know that I’m about to like go into battle.

Becca (12:13.405)
I know that there is a lot of danger here. I know that there are people watching me. I, but I know that I’m capable of doing this. And so the divine feminine is that like, I don’t know what’s going to happen. And I trust that I can figure it out. I know that I can do it. And like, even if it is the most terrible line and I flip at the bottom, I swim and like everything goes wrong. I know I can figure it out. I know I can handle it.

And that’s an example of the divine feminine. If I was in my wounded feminine, I would leave the Eddie and be like, I don’t know what’s gonna happen. It’s gonna be a shit show. Like probably going into all the worst case scenarios, probably like, and then like if I, and then whatever we focus on, like that is way more likely to happen. And so leaving the Eddie, leaving the pool above the rapid, I’m in my wounded feminine and I’m like, okay.

shit shit happens and then and then I get into the worst case scenario or some some form of it’s not going well because my brain is looking for all the things that can’t go that are not going to go right instead of looking for all the reasons why it could go right and I get to the bottom and I’m like well fuck I don’t know what I’m doing I don’t know how to fix this someone help me and then you go into that fond response of like I can’t do anything

And I’ve been there. I totally have been there and I still go there sometimes like it’s not once you like heal you don’t like heal forever like you are constantly like striving to Remind yourself of your power and remind yourself of the divine feminine within you And so in on the opposite side of that like the divine masculine versus the divine

divine masculine and wounded masculine. So the divine masculine would approach the situation and like these are the same, it’s the same scenario because I had the divine masculine in there. That is, I know I have my skills. I can lean on the skills, I can lean on my boat, I can lean on the support of my crew. Like I have all these people that I mentioned were watching me. It’s like.

Becca (14:31.293)
there’s all these people that are there watching me. They are cheering me on and they are there with like a rope at the bottom to help rescue me if I need it. Like I have the structure in place to support me. I have the skills in place that I have given myself to prepare for this moment. Versus the wounded masculine would show up like.

totally muscling through everything and overpower overcompensating everything they’d be the ones like saying like I know exactly what to do and everything to do it but then like not have the skills to back it up I’m sure this like resonates with all their other areas of life that are outside of kayaking it’s just so helpful to tell it in a tangible story that’s so recent so

Yeah, that’s kind of a description of the divine versus the wounded of both energies and how they play in together with each other.

Jess Diamond (15:30.498)
Yeah, I think of the gym as my examples of like what would happen is like more so feminine, like wounded feminine is damsel in distress. You’re just like, I can’t, I can’t lift this weight off me. Versus like divine feminine is like, okay, I’m going to go till failure, but I know that like the people around me are going to help me get out of it. And I also have the strength and the form to help push the weight up. But then like, once you were describing the wounded masculine is really where my

Becca (15:40.052)
And then… And then…

Jess Diamond (15:59.848)
my gym brain turned on is like, you have those like hardcore gym bros that they’re grunting at everything. And they’re like, I’m gonna move this weight no matter how sloppy my form is. And it’s gonna just go and I’m, I’m strong and I have muscles and yeah, versus like divine masculine is more of the controlled weight. It’s like, hey, like I’m lifting the weights, like I have the form, I have this lockdown. I’m doing my workout. I’m focused. I got this. That was the way I received it based off of your

your story. So hopefully between the two, you guys listening can start creating your own examples for your own life. Because I know not everyone is going kayaking and not everyone is going to lift weights at the gym. So you don’t know the different personality types that show up in those situations. But think given two different examples, you can start to figure out your own examples and how that would pertain to your own life as well as just like how you see other people show up in their lives from your point of view. So

Walk us through how we can start finding that balance.

Becca (17:00.637)
Yeah. So I actually like, know those episodes about femininity, but like I keep saying, like, we can’t have the feminine without the masculine. Like I, a lot of times we’ll start with the masculine and I’ll build the container, like have a system that’s where coaching comes is so, so, so, so helpful in my life and like in my business and in my paddling, like any skills that we want to build or any.

experience that we want to have for ourselves, having someone else with the system, or having someone else as the example, or the inspiration of like, okay, it’s possible for me. It’s possible for someone, why not me? So the first step I would say is like, finding something, something that you want to, I mean, I guess, like, it’s hard to apply this just very generally without any specific

that you’re working on, so find something that you’re excited about. Find some goal or passion or hobby that you want to work through and apply it to one specific thing at a time. Don’t try to do it to everything all at once. That’s just like, your brain can’t comprehend it. And create some sort of structure or commitment in some way. And so by having that commitment, it gives you like a direction to go to.

And that helps you get into the divine masculine energy. And then once you have created this structure or you trust, you build the confidence or the trust of like, I know what I’m doing. I know at least what to do if things go wrong. And I’m not going to, a lot of times I’m talking about inherently risky things.

And like even the gym can be risky and even like asking someone out on a date can be risky. like kind of having like, just having your structure and your foundational skills. that you’re like, okay, I don’t need to like over prove myself or overcompensate.

Becca (19:13.809)
Actually, I think even a step before I go into the masculine and the feminine is like the awareness of it. Just go through your days and notice the different energies. Notice yourself as you go through the energies. yeah, that’s even, that’s definitely the first step of, I have a system I call the rise system and the first step is recognize. So first step before you can do anything is like, admit to yourself and become aware of what

what energies are present within you. And like the more honest you can be with yourself, a lot of times the hardest person to be honest with is yourself. The more honest you can be with yourself, then the more potential you have for change, basically.

Jess Diamond (20:00.878)
I like that thought process. So the topic of this episode is femininity, more so than that, it’s like the power of attracting and not demanding. So let’s shift gears into that and like how your feminine and masculine energies come into play. And I think like for the 20 somethings listening, it might be in more relation to.

Outcomes so it could be dating career or friendships I think are like the most common things that are coming up of like you’re trying to You know not naturally but like a lot of times you find yourself trying to force the outcomes like you want something so bad for yourself and you’re You’re like really trying for it, but you were really you’re like banking on that specific outcome. You’re banking on that

first date to go well and lead into a relationship that is someone you’ll eventually marry. You’re banking on that one application you send in to lead to an interview to your dream career and then you’re set. You’re banking on going to one event and finding a girlfriend or like a best friend to have and just you click immediately and it’s easy. And like we want, we just want those, the results instantly. We want those outcomes in that moment. But I think that there is that, that difference of attracting, demanding, and forcing.

Becca (21:15.113)
Yeah.

Jess Diamond (21:16.066)
different outcomes to come into your life. And like just how, I want you to talk on that. Like how do we use our feminine energy and our masculine energy and the way we show up to not try to force these outcomes anymore, even though we know deep down, we really, really want that thing to happen for us.

Becca (21:32.805)
Yeah, this is so relevant to like what I’m talking about in my group program right now. It’s so, it’s so perfect timing. I just did a live, I think it was two days ago on, my Instagram. if folks listening wanna, wanna go check it out, it’s wild woman Becca and just like message me that you’re coming from this episode and I can give me a little context and I’ll send you the, to the direct reel. But basically in that, in that live, I was talking about.

Jess Diamond (21:41.645)
Good.

Becca (22:02.387)
how like over the last year and a half, I have accomplished everything I set out for, and these were all things that I really did not believe were possible. I lost 30 pounds in the last six months. And also for context, I’m 27, so I’m in my 20s as well. I lost 30 pounds. I went from my heaviest weight that I’ve ever been. Like I had a lot of chronic.

stomach issues that I’ve had since I was three years old and I resolved them as well. Over the last year and a half. Completely resolved. Like yeah, was, I really did not believe it was gonna be possible, but it happened. And I, what else did I do? I entered into a relationship, my longest relationship. I’ve been dating my partner for a year now.

And I’m just like, we’re both so in love with each other. It’s so, I just, and I was coming from such anxious attachment. I was so like desperate for love and partnership. And I was like, I want to meet the one. Like every single person I came across, I was like, is he the one? is this the potential? Like it was just so mind consuming, like everywhere. I was so in my,

Jess Diamond (23:16.43)
Me too. Me too.

Becca (23:27.953)
I was so in the wounded feminine of like every, I want so much and nothing is happening for me. And it was like very victim me of like, I wouldn’t have admitted it necessarily in that moment that I was feeling victim me, but I was. And yeah, so I basically in that live, I took like, I reflected on all of these things because I very clearly had start points and end points to these things. I was like,

I am committing to finding a relationship. then like six months later, we, my partner and I actually ended up breaking up. We were having like hookup type stuff for like two years. And then I was like, I’m done. I’m looking for my life partner. I’m done playing these games. And I set a really hard boundary. And I was like, this is it. Like I see myself with you, but if you don’t see yourself with me.

then I don’t see myself with you because I see myself with someone who fucking loves me a lot. And we ended it. It was like, I don’t see it. So we ended it, didn’t talk for a few months. And then like, I was like, I fully, I like cried a lot and processed a lot. And my best friend, I remember like crying on her couch and being like, yo, and she was like, you should definitely ditch this boy forever. Like get out of that.

Fast forward, I like fully released it. And usually this is the hardest part to hear. When I fully release, when I fully trust that like I setting these hard boundaries for myself or of like I am only gonna commit to someone who wants to commit back to me. Like that feels so scary.

Like I’m someone who wants to be in control of everything. If you couldn’t already tell, the toxic, or the like wounded masculine is in me too of like, I can do anything that I want. I call it delusional dreaming. And that’s like a great thing, I think as well. We can embrace the wounded part of us too and turn it into like awesome power as well.

Becca (25:50.365)
But basically I was like, once I fully released, I was like, I’m done with this person. I don’t want anything to do with anyone who doesn’t want everything to do with me. He went to a wedding in California and then he came back and started texting me again and I was like, what’s going on? Why are you texting me at 10 p.m.? Why do you wanna come over again? I’m not doing this. I said no. And then…

actually I went back on it and was like, no, we’re having a final conversation. This is the last, like, I’m not doing this. We are not hooking up right now, but I want to just like set it straight with you. You can’t do this. I’m not here for hookups anymore. And during that talk, he was like, I actually really miss you. And because I had like stopped, because I had gotten into that, basically I,

I leaned into the divine feminine of like, I set hard boundaries. was like, this is the structure. And then I was just like leaning into the divine feminine of the world is my oyster. There are so many possibilities. Like there are so many opportunities out there. So many fish in the sea, right? I know everyone says that and I’m like.

Fuck you, I don’t care, I want that fish. I get it, like I said, I really, really wanted a relationship. But I really did see it as like, okay, actually, I’m gonna go, I’m gonna date other people, I’m going to really see potential in a lot of other options.

my dream guy, I really believe, we talk about getting married, we’re potentially moving in together in a few months now. We’re not getting married now, we’ve been dating for a year, but we talk about it, we talk about kids, we dream about our life together, and he’s not sent away by all of these future planning or things that would have scared off.

Becca (28:07.815)
like a lot of other guys that I’ve dated, because they didn’t want everything to do with me. And now he wants everything to do with me. yeah, I guess the common theme that common themes that I found with with all of these goals with the weight loss with the with the relationship and I forget what the other with my stomach pain was like, I basically set a hard boundary and committed

as well, committed to my goal of like, I am only here for my dream outcome. I’m only here for the delusionally dreamy, like outcome. And I won’t settle. I’m not willing to settle at all. That I would describe as the divine feminine, or the divine masculine, sorry, the divine masculine, the structure that I gave myself with that goal. It was very clear. And then because I had such a strong vision for

for that goal. And it feels weird even calling it a goal, like relations. Like I didn’t like win him, but like, yeah, yeah. And then the second part to it after I leaned into the divine masculine was because there was so much, like it was so clear what I wanted. It was so easy to be like, no, I’m not interested. I’m not.

Jess Diamond (29:13.806)
It’s a goal. Well, you did, in a sense.

Becca (29:34.823)
I’m not settling for anything. And that I would say is the divine feminine of the trusting. Like I can say no to a bunch of things and the right person will come to me or will come back to me. And I’m not chasing. I wasn’t chasing. And he just came and confessed his love to me on my couch, like right over there. And I’m like, my God, what is this happening?

Jess Diamond (30:00.974)
So where does manifestation play into all of these different energies? Because that’s kind of what I feel like. You’re just like, oh, I’m not going to settle. But it’s like, have to know what you want in order to not settle for anything less. But then that’s also speaking things into existence, which is a form of manifestation. I ask that because that’s something I did and then met my boyfriend. I actually think I met my boyfriend.

Becca (30:04.009)
Yeah

Jess Diamond (30:27.154)
couple days before probably like five days or so before I sat down and manifested who I was looking for and then we went on a first date two weeks later, like he slid into my DMs after I’m literally I think like as I was manifesting or right after I manifest because I did like a little story of like, we’re setting goals. And it was during that goal setting process is when I for the first time ever like pen to paper manifested exactly what I was looking for in

my dream partner because I 2024 I really, really tried for the first time I really, really tried dating and to get into relationship. It was a massive goal that I was working towards. It something I really, really wanted. It was an outcome. was, I wasn’t trying to force, but I would find myself getting really frustrated with dead end dates and, uh, or just not getting any male attention and just fluctuating between all of that and going on dating apps and just

All of that. I, by December I was done. I had just gotten rejected by a guy I had a crush on for a while. I was like, you know what? I’m writing down every quality, cause I’d said it out loud before and I’ve said it to my friends, but I’m writing it down every quality I’m looking for in my inner relationship. Like what I want the guy to have those qualities. And I wrote it down and that’s the story he slid up on. And we talked for two weeks cause he was out of town. It was during the holidays and we had our first date and

off the bat, but even before our first date, his communication was top notch of like, I’m not going to answer for a little bit. I’m doing this or like, I won’t be as communicative because or as responsive because I’m going back to work now. It’s just like things like that. And I was like, this means so much to me. And I wasn’t even that interested in him at the start, which I also think was part of it. And part of why it ended up working out so well is because I wasn’t forcing the outcome.

which is what we’re talking about is like, I was just like, this guy seems interested in me. I’ll give him a shot. That’s that was it. He’s good communication. He works out he plays soccer, like we have some things in common. Sure, I’ll go on a date. And here we are six months later. But it was something that I wasn’t forcing. And it was also something that I manifested and I after we became official, I, I gave him my notebook that I wrote the manifestation in.

Jess Diamond (32:45.534)
And was like, you’re all of these qualities. Like you are this person that I wrote down and you’re just like, that’s really cool. But so I want to ask you though, where does manifestation play? Like what role does it take in the not forcing an outcome and the being in your divine feminine, your divine masculine and wanting things to go your way without having a choke hold on it going your way.

Becca (33:12.382)
Yeah, it’s, it’s really cool to hear your, your relationship story too, and to like, I’ve kind of like over the last like week or so, by studying my own case studies, I’m like, my gosh, it’s so fun to like, I’ve started watching documentaries as well. And I’m like, it’s so fun to kind of like, analyze people like, and how they achieve their, like whatever they were really, really, really trying for.

And so I think manifestation means a lot of different things to people. me, manifestation is, I come back to that delusional dreaming, of like, I believe, like I also made a list. I made the list actually like when I broke up with my previous partner, my previous longest relationship was way back in like 2020. We were together for like,

Jess Diamond (33:56.706)
Guys, you do this.

Becca (34:09.545)
three or like four, maybe it was six months, yet less than a year. And I remember I had, so like, yeah, I literally made a list. I was living in my car at that time and I made a list on like the back of like the cardboard box of a beer carton, like beer box. And I put it in my car, like the thing, the visor that folds down and I looked at it every day.

It was like, are the things that this partner, not necessarily that this partner wasn’t, but that my future partner is for sure. And I don’t know where that list is, but I bet Logan is very, it’s pretty accurate. And that was a while ago. I mean, that was like four years ago.

I met him, it took two years to meet him. But so where I go with the manifestation and the delusional dreaming is like, and the hard boundaries as well of the divine masculine. And this ties into the trust of the divine feminine. So tying it all together very well. When we delusionally dream or when we manifest, basically we believe there is no outcome in which

this is not it. Like no matter what happens, I’m getting what I want. It’s just a matter of time. And so like, by thinking that way, by thinking of like, I’m, I’m gonna meet my, like, what if you woke up if you’re, if this is something that you want, like, I don’t, I don’t need to do this anymore because I have, I have every, like, I love him so much. So, but like, what if you woke up every morning and you’re like, I might meet my

dream partner today. And then you’re looking for ways that like, you’re looking for things that validate your dream partner and you’re not settling for less, but you’re like, my gosh, what if I meet this? And then every failure or like failure, people aren’t failures, but you know what I mean. Like every time we meet someone and we go on a date, that’s like not actually our dream partner. We’re like, they didn’t meet this like criteria.

Becca (36:26.569)
You can take what I mean from this actually. I don’t mean to talk about people as checklists, but basically like every person that is not a right fit and I heard that I remember hearing this shit before I’ve met him and being like, okay, yeah, sure, whatever. Like I go on a date and it’s like, okay, this was just one step closer to meeting the person that I love.

Like blah, blah, blah, blah, up. I’ve heard it before. like delusionally dreaming has allowed me to be like, okay, like I actually, I actually believe it like fully. I’m not just like bullshitting my way into believing this. Like I actually see every, I see how every single, especially looking back on it, I see how every single person I met.

taught me the skills that I need, needed to have to become my dream partner as well. And that was, I actually did a coaching program. That was another theme from every single one of these successes. I went into some sort of support that held me to hold my delusional dream. And that showed, that inspired me that it was possible. So I went into my, I think I had already started my business and like had received coaching before.

But I went into this program, was my first like, oh I found them on Instagram and I like got their ad and I was like, this might be a scam, I don’t know, like I’m just gonna send you, but I really want a relationship. So, and I really like what you’re saying, I watched their like video and I didn’t talk to anyone, I literally just like, here’s my money, $200 and I did a self-paced program called Becoming the One. I don’t even remember her name.

the coach, I wish I did, but it’s called Becoming the One. basically it was like, it was, it’s kind of like reverse manifestation of like, so I had, I had this vision of my partner, but in part of the manifestation of it was I also need to become the part, the version of myself who is partners with this dream guy, because my current version at that time was not a match. So of course I’m not going to find him, because

Becca (38:49.423)
I’m not ready for him. So I got to prepare myself to be ready for my dream partner. And that’s the two, that’s why it took two years or four years between my manifestation and the actual thing is it probably took me three years to figure out that I wasn’t the match to my partner. It was me. I didn’t want to hear that, but I did realize it eventually. and so kind of what I said earlier, like the hardest person to be honest to is yourself.

Yeah. So once I, I did that training, I don’t think I even got through the whole course, but I was like, my God, I think like, this is, this is gold. and it’s so possible for me to become the version of myself. And I literally like, I’m so extreme. I love it about myself, but I literally was like, I think someone told me, I don’t know if it was in that program or where I got this, but this is like, literally like set a place at the table for your dream partner. Like.

set make them dinner so that whenever they’re ready, whenever they come into your life, you can just invite them home and you’ve already got dinner made for them. It’s like in your fridge and there’s a place for them at the table and there’s a spot on your bedside table and there’s an empty drawer. It’s like kind of ridiculous but I was like I am ready for them to come into my life. Yeah.

Jess Diamond (39:49.846)
I have heard that.

Jess Diamond (40:11.79)
I’ve heard the empty drawer. I’ve heard the plate at the table. I’ve also heard making room in your bed. So not sleeping in the middle. But honestly, I’m gonna be honest, you guys listening, like I did not do any of that. have all of my drawers are full. I starfish in the dead center of my bed when I’m sleeping alone. don’t sometimes I most of the time eat my meals out of a meal prep container. So there isn’t there is nothing for anyone else to come. I mean,

Becca (40:15.977)
Mm.

Becca (40:37.576)
Yeah.

Jess Diamond (40:38.73)
If you think it’s one of those things, like if you fully believe it will work for you, like do it. There’s no harm in not doing it. I’m just giving you my reality is like I did not do any of those things and I am in a very happy, healthy relationship. Like something that I, I always dreamt of for myself and finally got it. But Becca, I’m so glad that you started to say like all the blah, blah, blah, like bullshit things that people say. Cause I was, I was going to say it’s so

Becca (40:41.939)
Mm-hmm.

Jess Diamond (41:05.966)
much easier to say these things, being in a relationship like outside looking into people who are single who are frustrated who want the relationship and like that was me just a couple months ago, like I have not been in a relationship for that long. I’ve been in for 2025 like our first date was on New Year’s Day. So all of 2025 I’ve been with this with my partner. But it is it is frustrating. We do hear you but it comes down to

the forcing that energy or going into that divine feminine, which I think is something I did without even realizing that I did of releasing the outcome. And it’s not even to say that to the blah, blah, blah you were saying of just like, oh, every failure leads you that much closer to your dream partner. But I did like what you were saying where how every date you went on or every relationship you had been in, any interaction that you had.

taught you something more about yourself or more about what you were looking for in someone else. So I think that’s the mentality going in with it. And I was told that too, while I was dating, but I got I hear you like it is still frustrating. It is really hard to date in today’s world. And we are not discounting that we’re not here to flaunt our love in your faces. We are just trying to help you give a more tangible example as to where you can start to shift your own energy.

Becca (42:11.788)
Thanks.

Becca (42:17.31)
Yeah.

Jess Diamond (42:27.534)
if you feel like you are in that wounded feminine, that very anxious attachment style and how to start to release that, like maybe it’s taking some deep breaths. I’m sure Becca has a lot of tactics that I’d actually love for you to share is like, how do we start to bring in, like on a more intentional habit building level that divine feminine energy side. Cause I think to a lot of people, both the men and women listening, like I think that is divine feminine energy.

feels like the hardest to obtain, at least like from my perspective. So how do we start to bring that out or to develop more consistent energy in the divine feminine side?

Becca (43:08.967)
Yeah, I love this question and I also feel that the feminine energy is hard for me to bring out in myself. I I credit some of it to like we live in such a male, I live in such a male dominated like field as well with like literally I was kayaking yesterday and there was one other woman out there and like maybe 50 other men and same thing like two weeks ago when kayaking. What did you say?

Jess Diamond (43:36.224)
I would say quit.

I was at the gym yesterday and I looked around and I was like, I am the only woman in this entire building right now.

Becca (43:44.775)
Yeah, yeah, I don’t notice it sometimes. But it’s like, when I do, I’m like, holy crap, no wonder it’s easier for me to be in my masculine. Like, I think it naturally like, we’re surrounded by the masculine. That is what it’s glorified in our society. And I mean, the patriarchy, like, we like to use that word a lot. But yeah, so it makes sense. I just say that to say it makes sense. We want we live in a world of control and structure and like,

need to know everything before you do it. the every everything that I lead basically I try to start with first the awareness and then just like going processing through the body. And so we can practice the feminine energy in a place that feels really safe for us. So like maybe this is practicing in bed, like before you go to bed or right when you wake up. And this is like,

This can look anywhere, like you mentioned, from like a breath to doing like a full on meditation or like some listening to whatever your brand, like whatever your flavor preference of woo woo thing is. Put on a YouTube hurts like video.

But creating space in your life because the feminine needs like the feminine has a lot of chaos and uncertainty and also like getting comfortable with that and the feminine also like I think of we think of the masculine as like it’s the giving and the feminine is the receiving and so if we are really really uncomfortable with receiving we’re not going to receive.

So this practice can just be like give yourself space like in the most simplest simplest way create space in your life. If you go like I go on a walk every morning to practice I’m not doing anything but walking. I don’t bring my phone sometimes I’m even experimenting not even having my Apple watch on me like I don’t have anything on me and every time I think about something on this walk I’m like wait wait wait

Becca (46:08.061)
This is not planning time. This is just gratitude noticing, noticing my thoughts, noticing the things around me. And if I even want to take it a step further or like I have this phrase called stop, drop and roll. Basically, if I catch myself in urgency or in planning mode on these walks, I stop like, whoa, this is the point of this is to slow down. Stop walking so fast.

You don’t have anywhere to go but be. And so sometimes I’ll literally like, okay, I’m gonna walk at half the pace that I feel like I want to. I’m gonna see just like, you just like see the world, just be present. So any way that you can slow down, create space and allow yourself to receive any of those.

practices will help you to come more into your feminine energy.

Jess Diamond (47:11.342)
I like it. I used to be really good at taking what I like to call unplugged walks and that’s no phone, no headphones, like just my keys and I go. And I do it when there’s so much on my mind and I really just need to take a break from everything. Like I’m feeling overstimulated. There’s too much, like I’m stressed, like that. But I think there is, this is a good reminder of I need to continue that practice. Like even if it’s once a week and it’s like a 20 minute walk, it’s something.

Becca (47:37.267)
Good.

Jess Diamond (47:40.12)
something short, something that just helps me to not be on my phone or have my phone near me, have me be unreachable for just 20 minutes. like, I’m always, I find myself always throughout the day from the moment I wake up to going to bed, like I am either on my phone or my phone is near me or I’m talking to someone. Like I am, there’s constant connection happening and connection is good, but too much of anything is not a good thing. So it is remind myself then, and I am.

someone who has difficulty receiving. That is something I’ve really, really struggle with. I mean, like my boyfriend bought me a watch and it took so much for me to be like, don’t ask me if I want the watch. It’s like, just get the watch because I, if you ask me, if you like, if you’re off like, oh, I can get this for you. Do you want me to? You’re putting me in my masculine and I’m I’m going to say no, because I have too much pride. And it’s like, no.

If I want to watch, I’m going to make sure I have the finances to go buy myself a watch. And then, and he did end up buying me a watch. was like, no, I got it for you. And I was uncomfortable with receiving it. was like, you, why, why did you do that? And it’s like, I am grateful he bought it for me. But at the same time, it’s, it is something I have to learn and develop for myself.

And even like going out on dates with him like when he pays that that’s still something that I’m just like I I’d rather just split the bill and pay for myself But he told me at the I think like a month into us dating that won’t hope he doesn’t believe in splitting the bill It’s okay, but I pay for it It’s okay if he just pays for it and he he’s like I’m fine paying for every single day if you want to pay for it But I don’t want to split the bill and I’m like, okay, it’s like I have to just like check myself be like

Becca (49:15.579)
I mean…

Jess Diamond (49:23.34)
No, this is okay. Like you don’t have to feel guilty. You don’t owe him anything. It’s a, but it is, it’s a work in progress for sure. And I think this conversation kind of brings that up a lot for me, especially once you started talking about receiving and being on the receiving end and I’m like, I don’t, I don’t, I love receiving, but I also hate it at the exact same time, but I want to welcome it.

Becca (49:43.721)
Me too. Yeah. 100%. And sometimes like, I’m going into a theme of talking about intuition this month. And it’s like, sometimes when we talk, when we think of intuition, it’s like always trusting our bodies, like a sign or like our gut. And it’s like, well, sometimes like actually like, the gut is telling you like, this is hard because it’s uncertain, like it’s because it’s different. We’re shifting into a new

like strategy for life. And so like sometimes, sometimes you like in kayaking, like sometimes the gut is like fear, it’s really hard to tell the difference between fear and intuition. And so by becoming aware of that, and the more space we give ourselves to process our experiences and our emotions and stuff, the more familiar we are with the difference between fear, which is what you’re experiencing. I’m like in some form with the watch.

receiving versus intuition of like, I’m like, this watch is going to be a bomb or something like it. That’s not, it doesn’t sound like that’s what’s happening. It’s like, Oh my God, I don’t know how to receive. Go away. You’re repelling everything that you want.

Jess Diamond (50:59.062)
Yeah, yeah, I really don’t.

Yeah, stop giving me everything I want. Make this more difficult because that’s what I know. That’s what I’m familiar with. I’m familiar with… This is going to sound so bad. I’m familiar with men disappointing me. And here comes my boyfriend and he’s not disappointing me. And I’m like, that’s not right. But it is right. It is the way you should be treated. But it’s unfamiliar. It’s something I’m not used to. So my brain is like, hey, this isn’t safe. Even though my logical brain is like, bruh.

Becca (51:05.285)
Yes! Yes!

Becca (51:12.615)
Yeah!

Jess Diamond (51:32.046)
This is exactly what you want. This is exactly what you need. This is exactly how you should be treated by everyone. And you’ve just had run of the mill shitty men in your life, like come in and out the door, but that’s gone. Like we have grown from that. We know not to accept those people in anymore. And this is your present. Your present is this guy who is amazing and who is there and who is everything that you wanted. So it is, it is just so interesting to reflect within myself, like all these changes and hopefully.

Becca (51:36.809)
Yeah.

Jess Diamond (52:01.484)
the audience listening, like you’re able to pull it in for yourself too. And I’ll just be like, wow, Jess and Becca, they’re really, I see where they’re going in their feminine. Like, no, turn it onto yourself and start to decipher like where it is that you have a hard time receiving, where you have a hard time accepting your feminine side and where you, cause it is, I think for a lot of people, it’s a lot more natural to be on the masculine side and the people who do sit in their feminine energy much easier aren’t.

Becca (52:09.682)
Hmm.

Jess Diamond (52:28.0)
really thinking about needing to sit in their masculine because I’d say like as just more so from a gender perspective like as a female sitting in her feminine energy life is great it’s like I see other females that are able to do that naturally it’s just like it’s it’s easy for them like life is easy for them in that way because they are so open to outcomes and so accepting of everything that’s coming their way but for those of you listening who don’t have that come easily like me like Becca

It is, it’s something you got to work at. It’s a muscle you have to strengthen and there’s tactics, there’s unplugged walks, there’s taking breaths, there’s meditations, there’s the recognizing when you’re shifting into what energy, maybe it’s certain activities that you’re able to easily shift energies from masculine to feminine or feminine to masculine and just start being able to pull it out for yourself so then you can create more of what it is you’re wanting.

Becca (53:22.961)
Yeah, yeah, the final like, mic drop, feel like I’ve got the like to rip off of this is like, you said, you said like, life is easy for them. And as even before you said that was like, I used to believe life was so hard, like everything has to be hard. And when we believe everything is hard, and everything has to be hard, it’s literally impossible for it to be easy. Because when it’s easy, you’re like, what? That was a mistake. I just got lucky. Like, it can’t be this easy.

And so nothing in your life is going to come easy. So shift, shift that, that. I, I, my mantra these days is life is easy. You’re making it hard. let it, yeah, let it be easy. Life is easy. You’re making it hard. So where are you making your life hard and how can it be easier? Cause so much of it is, is just like, it doesn’t actually have to be that hard. can just like,

Jess Diamond (54:03.554)
Cool.

Becca (54:18.024)
How easy can it be? How relaxed can I be? How chill can I be? Let it be easy.

Jess Diamond (54:24.192)
Yeah, God, the luck part that just strung a chord because I’d say like my first two years of business, anytime I got a client, was my first instinct was like, it’s out of luck. And this is the first year where I’ve been like, no, I’ve worked for this. these are this and like, yes, I’ve worked with my coach for over three years and like she has helped me put systems in place and feel like I have an actual functioning business and there’s plans and strategies and everything with that. But even still, I know that

Becca (54:26.793)
Hmm.

Jess Diamond (54:53.056)
my first two years, I would think this was luck. I got this client out of luck. And like I said, it is final, it has shifted this year alone. It took me three years to get there, but I’m finally like, no, I’m, this is not out of luck. Like I’ve done this work and the clients that are for me are coming to me and, it is wonderful. And I’m very grateful for like the success that I’ve had just recently. I had a very successful June that I was like, this, this is what I’ve been waiting for. it’s

Continuing to build through July and like I see everything unfolding in the exact way that I feel like I’ve been working towards for forever But I’m not so stressed about it anymore. I’m not Tightening my grip around it. I’m not I actually had to catch myself last month thinking Like I need to buy everything that I need this month because I don’t know what’s coming next month and I stopped myself and was like No, I’m gonna buy what I need this month and then I’m gonna buy what I need next month because there’s gonna be enough money for me to do so next month and

Like I’m about to assign a new client and I was like, see, told you there was going to be more money coming this month. And it’s, it is just interesting, like how my thought process I’m able to now catch them because I am recognizing where they’re not suiting me as well as just like where I’ve fallen into more of a it’s to protect myself of no, no, no, like spend the money now. Like you have to be smart about your finances. Like don’t, don’t spend on foolish things. Like do unless like

like spend for rewards, but don’t spend too much into that. it’s like, Hey, no, believe that you are going to have clients, you are going to have a thriving business, you are going to have enough money to get by what you need as well as extra for the next month and the month after that and the month after that. So it is a, it is an interesting pattern that I’ve noticed within myself. And before this conversation is bringing it all up for me, but I’m

Coming up to close to time, so I want to ask one last question and then wrap up the episode and that is what’s one truth about femininity that you wish every 20 something new earlier?

Jess Diamond (57:00.877)
See you there.

Becca (57:01.191)
Yes, I’m here. I’m thinking. Good question. one question or one thing about femininity that I wish every 20 something y’all do.

Jess Diamond (57:03.788)
Okay, you’re frozen.

Okay, there it goes.

Becca (57:19.825)
you don’t have to do to receive yeah yeah I’ll just leave it at that you don’t have to do to receive sometimes you just get it you just just all works out

you

Jess Diamond (57:34.734)
It’s like a, you don’t have to give to take. It’s the, you don’t have to do to receive. Good. Amazing. Thank you so much, Becca, for coming on How to 20 something. Where can people find you if they want to get in touch with you, work with you, ask questions, or just follow you?

Becca (57:41.64)
Thank

Becca (57:49.705)
Yeah, I’m very active on social media. My handle for Instagram is wildswomanbecca and then you can friend me or follow me on Facebook, beccaploner. And yeah, I have an email list. I have a podcast, the wildswoman podcast, but I’m very, like I said, very active on Instagram and Facebook. So if you just message me there, I’m happy to connect you with any, anything that I’ve got going on.

yeah, I’ve got a group program that’s kind of ongoing. It’s called Reverie Rising. Basically your dreams are coming true. And it’s like for people who, who love adventure or inspired by adventure and adventure and want to learn about like making their dreams come true through femininity, body processing, connecting to their body. and it’s for all genders.

And yeah, we do a lot of metaphors and like, I really like guide you to listen to your own body wisdom. So I share my stories to inspire and then help you like see your own wisdom and see your own power through, through a lot of nature metaphors and stories about adventures and multi-day trips and, yeah, so there’s, there’s lots of stuff thrown in there too about like building community and how to get into those things too, if that’s something.

or how to advance in those things as well. Yeah. So Wild Woman Becca, that’s me. Thanks so much for having me on Jess. This was awesome.

Jess Diamond (59:26.786)
Yes, of course. And Becca’s information will be linked in the show notes for you guys to access per usual. Otherwise, this does conclude another episode of How to 20 something. If you liked what you heard, if you learned something new about your feminine side or masculine side or know someone who could benefit from listening, then please share this episode, send it to a friend, post on social media, do something to help me spread the word that this podcast exists to help other 20 somethings navigate life.

And as always, I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode.