You Need To Slow Down

Welcome back to another episode of How to Twenty-Something, keeping on theme with conversations I’ve had recently, today’s episode is all about slowing down and with that a play on finding your patience and the role delayed gratification has on your ability to be patient

It’s no surprise that we live in a fast paced world where you can order something online and get it the same day to your doorstep or have all the shows you ever want to watch at your fingertips, so naturally we’re going to want everything right now

Our brains have been trained to view life as such

We want it all in a moments notice.. the better body, the more money, the love of our life, the house, the fun trips, anything we dream of we want in that instant

And why wouldn’t we think any differently

But the reality is that’s just not how life works and you get upset that you can’t snap your fingers and have everything appear right then and there

And because you’re so focused on what you want and what you don’t have, instead of what you do have, you lose sight of the journey and the lessons that do help you get there eventually

It actually puts you in a lack mindset because something is missing from your life

I know eventually has no flash to it there’s no desire to wait for what you want, yet we have no other choice when it comes to the big things in life

It’s why you fall for things like get rich quick schemes, or lose 30lbs in 30 days – it sounds a lot more enticing than consistently put in the work and at some point in the distant future you’ll get there

And i’m right there with you, I want the love of my life right now and a multi-six figure business

I want to close my eyes, squeeze them real tight, and when I open them both of those things will appear – tons of money in my bank account and the most perfect man for myself walking through the front door

But i also know that there is a gift that lies in the process of getting there, that process requires patience and a delay in gratification and it keeps you humble

You have to teach your brain to unlearn the immediacy of life and honestly, that starts with your amazon habit

So if you are someone who struggles with waiting for life to unfold itself and you are also someone who immediately opens amazon when you think of something you need or want… it might be time to put your spending habits on hold and wait until the weekend where you can physically get yourself to the store and buy what you need

I’m not saying this is a cure all but it will help you acquire some patience because you have to wait to run the errand.. Like back in the old days

I know Amazon makes life so much easier, but it’s also rewiring the thought processes in our brain because we are subconsciously teaching ourselves that if you want something you can have it right now and that’s not how a majority of things work in the real world

Like in your career, finances, romances, business ventures, weight loss, strength gains, etcetera

Those things, in order for them to actually last and continue to give you long term results, take time to build on

Even all of the information we have access to helps us lose touch with our patience at a rapid rate

And patience is a virtue – it keeps you more calm and it helps you to slow down so you can take life in one moment at a time

So you’re not jumping right into that next thing you lay your eyes on – patience helps you to be less reckless and more secure in your actions because you are able to think things through

It helps you avoid making impulsive decisions because you’re taking your time to gather information, consider your options, create a plan, and then decide your next step accordingly

Impulsive actions can have some serious consequences that move you further away from what you’re after, rather than closer because you didn’t think this decision through

Impulsivity stems from your emotion in that moment, rather than the outcomes that could ripple out as a result

Not to mention that when you try to move through things too fast, errors increase and then you end up in worse shape than before as you didn’t take your time to think about potential mishaps that could result from this decision

This is different than hyper focusing on all of the different decisions and giving yourself analysis paralysis because you over thought every possible scenario

Rather it’s thinking an entire process through and not just because you want that thing right now – again in regards to big life things like career, houses, relationships, and weight loss

This episode really surfaced in my head because of personal training.. As in I probably say slow down or slower at least 10 times a day when I’m in the gym with a client

They want to rush through the exercise either because it’s uncomfortable or they think doing it faster will get them better results, or they’re not confident in what they’re doing so they move through it to try to hide any errors that could occur, but when that happens they lose control of the weight and their risk of injury increases

It then becomes cardio with weights because they are using more momentum than they are muscles – when you go slower your muscles better engage and stabilize different joins making the movement more effective in putting on strength and shape to your body

It also gives me a chance to fix their form to again avoid injury 

And coincidentally, I offered a free coaching call to a friend of mine and the theme of that conversation was about him moving through his off days too quickly, so then I got to talk to him about intentionality and slowing down

And then tell him that I have an episode coming out that was already planned far before I knew what we would be talking about in that moment

But the same thing happens in your life.. When you try to rush things, when you’re moving too quickly, you lose control and everything blows up in your face

And I don’t want that for you, which is why I’m speaking to you about it today

I’m sure you’re familiar with the tortoise and the hare story where the message is slow and steady wins the race

That the hare challenged the tortoise to a race and got cocky.. He took off running full steam ahead and gassed himself because he didn’t think his plan out all the way through, so the tortoise won – spoiler alert for anyone who doesn’t know that story

The moral of the story is you can be more successful when you take things slow and steady instead of recklessly and carelessly

So when you go into something too fast you fall off, you burn out, or you mess up – I see it happen all the time

I’ll take someone’s weight loss journey for example… when you are someone who wants to lose weight you’re going to immediately think let me eat less and move more and that’s honestly because society has really misguided you

Because you have this information.. Logically it would make more sense to cut down on a lot and move a lot more.. Because if it were a simple math problem then theoretically you would lose weight faster

And while you might be able to lose weight initially, you’re progress is going to end up stalling because our body is not a simple math problem and not to mention that this mechanism doesn’t teach you healthy habits or sustainable ones for that matter

Whereas if you were to take things slower, knowing that the end result is long term weight loss that stays off and improvement in your overall health, you’re able to build one small habit onto another and they compound over time so you don’t stall, but actually change your entire way of being and continue to see results 

Similarly, I see it when people begin their health journey and they throw everything at the wall to see what sticks, hoping that the more they do the faster they’ll get results – so not even eating less and moving more but eating healthy, working out 7 days a week, doing red light therapy, going to stretch zone, committing to every type of health fad that exists out there

And they think that by doing it all they’ll see their results in a shorter time period

They’re thinking short term and it’s where I step in and remind them of long term goals – sure short term you might be able to lose the weight and see improvements at first, but you’ll also rebound back to your old ways when all of the new changes become too much, because they do become too much.. They haven’t been ingrained into your current way of being

Whereas taking a slower approach allows you to gradually transition into this healthier version that you’ll be able to carry with you for the rest of your life

Every single one of my clients gets to a point in their journey where they actually want to get to the gym, they want to eat better, they want to be in their routine – it’s what they crave especially when holidays or traveling comes up

They all say they enjoyed their holiday or vacation but couldn’t wait to get right back into their regimen because it’s what helps them feel the best

A regimen that was built over several months of working with me.. Not overnight.. Not with the flip of the switch

I find myself having to pull back most people who are ready to go all in because when you want to make immediate changes, to see immediate changes, your chance of failure skyrockets due to the abrupt and drastic changes you’re making

If you take things at a slower, more manageable pace, you are able to collect your wins one at time which will encourage you to keep going

When you go all in at the start you’ll get more discouraged with yourself because you still fall back into your old ways simply because you haven’t learned the process of one step at a time or gradually introduced new things into your life

I see impatience also surface when people want a new job and jump into the first one that bites and neglect to think about what they actually want, so six months later they are in the same situation of looking for a new job

If this is something you do then ask yourself are you chasing the money? Like of course you want a higher paying job, who wouldn’t, but there are also other factors to consider so you actually like showing up to work at least to some extent

I’ll have clients who want to change jobs or careers, right down their non-negotiables in an ideal job.. Things like your minimum pay, whether you want a hybrid, in office, or completely remote job, what you want company culture to be like, and the responsibilities you want to have

And from there it’s a matter of waiting and researching for that right job because it will come, but if you jump into the first one that you apply to where you didn’t take any of your non-negotiables into consideration, one you limit yourself from the possibility of the most ideal one.. The one that you would actually stay at for more than 6 months or a year and two you end up back at square one in under a year

With a play on career if you move too quickly through the corporate ladder you will jump into roles before you’re ready and either do them poorly because you’re inexperienced, or get overwhelmed and stressed out because you haven’t given yourself time to build into that role

This is partially on your employer to know so hopefully your job does gradually move you into higher roles and with that higher pay

There’s also impatience in relationships.. I mentioned this in last week’s episode to some extent where you jump into that next relationship, the next person to give you attention and then 3 months later you’re dealing with the heartbreak of things not working out

Again having a list of your non-negotiables in a partner will help you weed out what you’re looking for and not just dive into the next one that presents itself

Where if you were patient, not only with getting into your next relationship but also progressing through it, you allow yourself and your partner to get to know each other, to grow through different milestones together, to build a solid relationship with trust, communication, and love

Without that slow progression you find yourself chasing a chemical reaction..  you want the high that comes with falling in love fast, it’s your dopamine response

And that kind of love burns out fast because it’s not built on anything solid

Really patience comes from building your foundation up, it’s learning what you want, what you’re after, and the steps it requires to get there

Because it won’t happen overnight, your success is dependent on the journey it takes to get there and the slower the journey the more achievable and long lasting the success will be

But overall, slowing down requires patience and patience has immense positive impacts on everything you do in your life outside of your career, health, and relationships as I just mentioned

It helps with your mental health as you are better able to stay calm in tense situations and you’ll have a huge reduction in stress and anxiety

Which makes sense when you think about it because when you are patient you are able to live life one day at a time whereas if you’re constantly thinking about not being where you thought you should be or wanted to be then you’ll stress yourself out over doing life wrong or regretting a lot of decisions that did hold you back from being further along

Comparing yourself to where you actually are to where you thought you should be takes a MASSIVE mental toll on you and I know because I do it all the time

My brain hurts by the end of the day a lot of times because I’m thinking about all of my future worries.. Worries that aren’t even guaranteed to happen but my mind conjured it up because I’m so focused on getting to the next part of my life

You’re probably listening and thinking shit I do that too.. We all do it, we all need to work on our patience, on slowing down, on accepting the delay that happens when we dream up a vision and know it’s going to take time to actually get there

If you were to stop and look around you’ll see there are examples of lessons in patience all around

Take a sunset for example, I spent a few days in Key West for New Years and saw two absolutely immaculate sunsets

If there’s anything that you should know about me it’s that I absolutely love sunsets, simply because they continue to get better as the sun makes its decent

You have to wait for the last 5-10 minutes before you start taking your pictures otherwise you’re left with 100s of mediocre sun pictures and not the full beauty of the entire sunset

But you get impatient.. You see the sun beginning it’s true descent and 30 to 45 minutes prior to the array of colors you’re taking your pictures instead of enjoying the peace and beauty that comes with it

Every single person at both sunsets were rushing to get their pictures only to do it all again 30 minutes later, simply because they didn’t acquire the patience that’s needed to watch the sunset in its entirety

So the next time you go to watch the sunset, watch the people around you too and you’ll see the lack of patience everywhere

The sun doesn’t speed up it’s setting process even though it knows it’s the most beautiful part of the day, aside from sunrise.. But I stand by my opinion that sunset is way better than sunrise.. That’s besides the point

The sun takes it’s time and descends gracefully.. And you could learn a thing or two from that.. Taking your time will allow you to experience every beautiful part of your journey

If you speed through your processes you’ll miss the best parts

But sunsets aside.. One of the biggest benefits of slowing down is your ability to cope with uncertainty

Life is very uncertain, so if you are constantly moving through life at this fast pace and then a wrench gets thrown into your plan, your ability to handle the changing circumstances becomes so much more difficult

If you were to think about driving a car.. The faster you go the more reckless you can become because you need to have a faster reaction time if say a deer were to jump out in front of you

Then your ability to veer off to avoid the deer will cause you to lose control of the vehicle

Conversely if you were driving the speed limit and taking your time to get to your destination you would be able to better react to hazards that pop up

Actually, a good way to practice patience is while you’re driving.. Anytime you notice yourself getting aggravated because you hit every red light or the car in front of you is driving slow, remind yourself that this is a good time to practice by taking deep breaths and reminding yourself that arriving safely is better than not arriving at all

I’m full of stories and analogies today my goodness because this reminds me of when I was little, my sister was obsessed with time and arriving to places on time and to help with that anxiousness and loss of control on her arrival since she wasn’t able to drive yet, my mom created this idea that my sister needs to invent a button that would transport her to her destination on a moments notice

Honestly, probably would have been a good time to practice patience but the button served as a playful distraction of whenever my sister would start to freak out my mom would be like well, where’s your button?

And it made light of the whole situation that was going through my sisters mind of why we needed to be at our destination as soon as possible and before the time we think we need to be there

Some other ways to help with patience outside of driving is setting realistic expectations and goals for not just yourself, but others too

Knowing that it’s okay for some things to take longer to complete and the world won’t burn down if you extend a deadline for a project or an event, or your weight loss

If you create a very specific timeline of when life happens then you’re going to feel like you’re either falling behind and trying to play catch up or that you’re failing.. Both of which will discourage you from continuing on

Focus on trending positively for the most part and not that things are supposed to happen on a specific timeline that you created for yourself

Under that theme is practicing acceptance as in accepting that not everything is going to happen exactly as you hoped and that there are a lot of things that are beyond your control

When you work on controlling your own reactions, actions, and thought processes you are able to accept whatever comes your way externally and know that it’s there to teach you some lesson so that you can continue pursuing your personal growth journey or whatever journey you’ve decided to embark on

You can also share your goals and visions with friends and family, basically surround yourself with people who are going to encourage you to keep going even when you aren’t seeing quick results

Because you probably aren’t going to see quick results after the initial start

You need positive reinforcements around you to help you stay grounded rather than jumping into the what’s next chapter in your life

Patience is something that needs to constantly be practiced and enforced otherwise you fall back into the trap of I want it right now

And then miss the achievements, lessons, and skills that happen along the way because you’re too focused on that end goal

Your entire life is one massive long journey, so know that a journey has rest stops, it has wrong turns, it has bumps in the road but as long as you keep showing up, you keep persevering through, you’ll get to the end of this one only to begin the next one

But you need to slow down, you need to stop and smell the roses, take in this moment, reflect on everything you’ve accomplished thus far and reconnect with your end goal with the person you want to be, the life you want to live, and the work that it’ll take to get there

Every action you make builds on itself to lead you to the life you live right now and know that only you have the power to change the direction you’re headed

We all need little reminders to slow down and ground ourselves in the present so hopefully this episode serves as your reminder for right now

But I guess slowing down is practicing being present instead of rushing to your next thing

Center yourself.. Remind yourself you’ll get there eventually as long as you don’t give up

But that’s what I have for you on patience, as always if you liked what you heard, if you had a lightbulb moment that is going to encourage you to rethink your approaches in your life, please let me know you can always email me at coach.jessdiamond@gmail.com or share it on social media or with an impatient or impulsive friend

But thank you for listening to another episode of how to twenty-something I can’t wait to be in your headphones again next week with another brand new episode